How Two Peuterspeelzaal Teachers Changed How I Parent My Sons

I am the mother of three highly sensitive sons. I myself am highly sensitive. I learnt this fact because of amazing teachers at my eldest son's peuterspeelzaal. They recognised traits and behaviours in him at the age of three that are consistent with being highly sensitive.

Goodbyes in school were heart wrenching for him from day one. It took months for him to get used to being left in school. And because it was such an emotional hurdle for him, it was incredibly upsetting for me too. No parent likes to leave a child anywhere when they are crying, kicking out and obviously feeling lost.

However, as the weeks went by it took my son less and less time to 'recover' from me leaving him in the peuterspeelzaal. I had immense faith in his teachers that he would be okay once I was gone. And if he wasn't they would call me.

One day, when my husband picked my son up from school, everything changed for my little family because two Dutch teachers did their job exceptionally and they took the time to really see my son. They uttered the words 'highly sensitive'.  It was the start of a parenting journey that I am still on. It's the reason why Happy Sensitive Kids was born. The reason why the peuterspeelzaal will always have a place in my heart, even though all my boys are now in primary school.

"The term ‘highly sensitive’ meant nothing to me six years ago, back when I was the bewildered mother of a three-year-old boy who seemed unable to tolerate the world around him."

You can read the whole story over on Mamalode: The Day I Became the Mother My Sons Need Me to Be.

A New Expat Book Coming to Town: 'Once Upon An Expat'

There's a new expat book coming to town. Well coming to the world actually. And I'll be in it!

'Once Upon An Expat' will be available in June this year and will feature many wonderful stories from expat writers from across the globe. You'll be able to read about the best and worst of expat life as you travel around the world through stories. 

You'll meet all the authors online this month over at Canadian Expat Mom's Facebook page - so watch out for that.

Even more amazing news is that all author royalties from sales of this book will go to Books Abroad, an organisation that promotes literacy and education in developing countries.

Don't worry - I'll remind you nearer the time......

Are You Parenting Dutch Style?

Has raising your children in the Netherlands rubbed off on your parenting style? Does seeing the letters HAVO make you frown in confusion or smile in recognition? How do your children get to school? What food constitutes breakfast in your house?

My latest article for Amsterdam Mamas will help you decide just how far you've gone and got yourself ingeburgerd.

Here are ten signs you are parenting Dutch-style.

An Overseas Love Turns Life Upside Down

With Valentine's day around the corner AngloInfo has been running a series called Lovepats. It's all about those expats among us who moved overseas for love. And so when I was asked to contribute my story I was happy to oblige.....

Anyone who has moved overseas to be with a partner will know that it turns your life upside down - and inside out. You'll already know it's not the easiest thing in the world to do...... but many of us do it anyway. Here's my story......

"Sixteen years after our chat room meeting we are still together. We are married. We have a family together. We are still planning for the future, even though we still don’t have it all mapped out. But neither of us is under any illusion that our journey to this point has been an easy one........."

to read more go to AngloInfo's Overseas Love Turns Life Upside Down and Inside Out

'Tis the Season of Giving: 40 Ways to Create Winter Memories

'Tis the season of giving. It's a great time to think about what we can give. What have we already given? What have we got left to give? December shouldn't just be about the presents.

And that is exactly the sentiment that BonBon Break is embracing this month, hand in hand with Water Aid America (the UK arm of the charity being one I had close ties to when I ran company payrolls in a previous life so one I'm fond of).

December should be about the memories we create. The moments we spend with our family. The tastes we delight others with (like these Nutella Bonbons - you're welcome!). The smiles and the laughter. The magic we give our children, even if Santa gets the credit for it. The inspiration we give each other. The help we offer to others around us who need it.

I am delighted to be part of December's wonderful theme over on BonBon Break with my take on what we can give our children this winter.

"When I think back to my childhood Christmases, it’s not the gifts I remember (except the red television hidden in the attic), it’s the fact that we were together as a family. It’s the festive traditions that flood my mind – the mince pies for breakfast, the Christmas pudding set alight with brandy, the pantomimes."

Head over to '40 ways to create memories this winter' to read the rest - it's never to late to jump in and start creating those childhood memories!

What are you giving this December?

Passionate Parenting: The Summer Holiday and The Expat

My latest article for Passionate Parenting is about the summer holidays which are nearly upon us in the Netherlands. For those of us living expat lives, choosing a holiday destination usually presents us with a bit of a dilemma.... for those of you living overseas you probably already know what I mean without me spelling it out.

The world is a big place but we want to see our friends and family too. But there are ways to have your expat summer holiday cake, and eat it too. 6 ways to be precise.

You can read 6 Ways to Make Sure Your Summer Holiday Really is a Summer Holiday When You're an Expat over on Passionate Parenting.

Bonbon Break & Buckets - Helping my Highly Sensitive Children Carry Their Emotion

In March, Bonbon Break asked for submissions relating to the theme of "Fill your Bucket"in association with Our Pact. Anyone that has been following the "highly sensitive" aspect of my blogging will know that I LOVE buckets so I happily obliged.

I was delighted when my piece 'Helping my Highly Sensitive Children Carry Their Emotions' was chosen to be published.

I am even more delighted that it has been shared 1.5k times to date - and if you feel the urge to contribute to that total then be my guest.

"I see his little head bobbing in a sea of infants; his teacher spots me and shakes his small hand, giving him unspoken permission to go to me. I watch my son’s face and can instantly tell he is fighting tears. I know by the look on his face that his morning in school has been too much for him." 

Go to Bonbon Break to read on.

Straying From The Path to Now

Unknown to my younger self, I am sure that the path I have been on since I was a teenager was one leading me to a life abroad. It just wasn't a direct path. Sure, there were signs, hints and indications in my youth that a life beyond the borders of my birth country was something I should prepare for. That my later life would involve speaking a second language should have been clear to me at an early age.

My first trip abroad was a family holiday to Tangiers in Morocco. The unfamiliar sounds of an unknown language spoken all around me, the rich vivid colours of North African wedding attire sparkling in the glaring evening sun, the enchantment of a music so different to Western pop, the smells of exotic food cooking in the streets all served to pique my curiosity about life beyond the borders of my home land.

A school trip abroad to La Rochelle started my long lasting love affair with France. I homed in on modern languages, namely French and German for my GCSEs and continued my French to A-Level. My love of the French language went beyond the allure of my Liverpudlian French teacher. A school trip to Berlin a year after the wall fell enticed me to be a part of something bigger, it lured me to take a closer look at the world away from my own doorstep. Foreign languages became an integral part of who I was, who I was to be.

I centred my university degree search around being able to use my French. I eventually picked a European Studies course in Bradford, which included a study year in Toulouse. I use the word study lightly. It was less of an academic study year, more of a cultural immersion. I loved the smell and bustling of the local bakery every morning, I loved watching the old man in a beret that shuffled to the local supermarket in his well worn but clearly loved checked slippers, I loved browsing at the snails in the freezer compartment as I did my grocery shop - week after week failing miserably to pluck up the courage to actually give them a try.

After graduation jobs with companies like Michelin kept my French alive but when I later chose a career in Human Resources the need to speak a second language soon dissipated. My path seemed to change, leading away from where I had been sure I would go.

As a teenager I’d envisioned a life for myself abroad, in France, where I spoke the language and loved the culture. Somewhere along the way I got distracted and forgot where I was headed. My linguistic mind stayed with me, laying dormant but patiently waiting whilst I strayed from the path I should have been on.

And then one day my little brother met an American girl, online in a chat room. I was clueless. I had no computer of my own and had no idea how you could ‘meet’ someone in a chat room. After what seemed like no time at all he announced he was moving to Long Island, NY to get married. One family globetrotter fled the nest. But my own path kept me firmly rooted in England.

I needed to write a dissertation to finish my Post Graduate Diploma in Human Resources but the absence of a computer at home made progress slow but Father Christmas (disguised as my father) saved the day and I became the proud owner of a personal computer. It became my indispensable companion. It was to put me back on the right path.

For a reason I no longer remember nor can imagine looking back, my brother’s once uttered words, “go try a chat room. It’s fun” popped into my head one evening. I did a search and ended in a chat room talking to a Mexican. Just as I was getting bored with the whole 'chat room' experience a pop up appeared from another chatter. This time it was a Dutchman. My boredom vanished.

Christmas and the millennium were closing in and my days were filled with MSN Messenger and an endless string of emails. After that fateful evening I never entered a chat room again. Online chatting turned into a phone call on New Year’s Eve. Talking on the telephone turned in to visits to each other’s homes in foreign lands.

Seven months later my wonderful boss moved on and in his place came a woman who had a reputation for clearing the decks and bringing in her own people wherever she went. Business trips that were planned months ahead were suddenly superfluous and I whispered to my dad that something was afoot. I knew something bad was looming. He told me I was being paranoid.

Then one evening, sure enough, I was summoned to the dragon’s den. She informed me that my position would end in two months. Walking home with tears streaming down my face I made a call to the Netherlands with my mobile phone. I shared the lowlights of my evening and told my Dutch partner that I needed to find a job fast so that my mortgage didn’t become a problem.

“Or instead of finding a new job there, you could move to the Netherlands…” he said and I could hear the smile on his face.

And suddenly I was back on the path I was destined to walk on.

The World Cup 2014 Battle Lines

Is everyone ready for the football World Cup? The battle lines are once more drawn in our house. The orange camp on one side and the white and red on the other. Although in reality the battle lines are much closer together than they once were and during the last World Cup our house was pretty much an exclusively orange affair.

I'm more caught up in the Dutch media frenzy leading up to any major tournament than I am in the English media onslaught. I'm more familiar with the Dutch players than the English. So the battle lines have become hazy. We're a little more united than twelve years ago. My sons and husband will cheer for England - as long as their opponents are not wearing orange.

My only gripe so far is that England's first match kicks off at midnight Dutch time....

I think whatever happens this year we can safely say it won't be a repeat of the drama and tears in our house of the 2010 World Cup Final. My prediction is that neither England nor the Netherlands will get anywhere near the final......and so there will be peace in the van Mulligen household come July 13th when the final will be played.

Are you planning on watching the World Cup? Which team is your money on to reach the final? Which team will you be cheering on?

If you missed it, you can read my post on England's love of the beautiful game over on Smitten by Britain: http://www.smittenbybritain.com/englands-love-for-the-beautiful-game/

Smitten By Britain: 10 Ways I am Still Very British Outside of Britain

Yes, it's that time again! My monthly post on Smitten by Britain is out into the blogosphere and it would appear that many Brits around the world can relate to 10 Ways I am Still Very British Outside of Britain.

I have loved reading the comments from expats that can relate to my British traits in the USA, Canada, Belgium, Australia, the Bahamas, Switzerland, France as well as from readers who believe they may well be British but who were most likely kidnapped and then raised in another country. So many around the world who are British at heart, even if not quite British born.

Anyhoo... if you haven't read it yet, here it is:

"I’ve been living in the Netherlands for almost fourteen years but I am still the proud owner of a British passport. However, the words “United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland” inscribed across the top of my passport are not what make me British.

If I surrendered my British passport tomorrow (which I have no intention of doing, but just humour me) I would still be British, in these ten ways at least:"

To read the rest go to: http://www.smittenbybritain.com/10-ways-im-still-very-british-outside-of-britain/

Smitten by Britain: England's Love for The Beautiful Game

Photo Credit: Ontanu Mihai

My latest article for the wonderful Smitten by Britain website is about football. The beautiful game of football. It's about the English psyche when it comes to football. It's about the upcoming World Cup. It's about the trip back to England my eldest son and I took in March for his initiation into English football.  It's about Harry the Hornet. It's about my personal trip down memory lane to my first live football match.

"We are a mere two months away from the start of the 2014 World Cup football tournament. Media pressure is already on the England team to beat Italy in their opening match. Grumblings from the fans that England won’t get past the first stage of this tournament have already started."

Head over to Smitten by Britain to read the rest and if you are a football lover take the time to make a comment and tell Carl James just how wrong he is.........

My Mommy Hotspot Baptism

I am delighted to share that I have just started as a contributing author for Mommy Hotspot and my first post went live yesterday.

Mommy Hotspot is a website set up with the one aim of connecting mothers across the world (as well as giving a dedicated corner to dads). You can read articles about parenting, crafting and creating and entertaining as well as read product reviews. And I am thrilled to be a part of it!

My first article is on the topic of the Dutch and how they seem to have mastered the concept of a work life balance, much more so that some other countries. An article I shared on my Facebook page earlier in the week springs to mind.....

You can read A Dutch Lesson on Work Life Balance by visiting http://www.mommyhotspot.com/a-dutch-lesson-on-work-life-balance/. I would love to hear your thoughts, read your comments and appreciate you sharing the article if you enjoyed it.

I will be sharing my thoughts on parenting, especially overseas, raising boys and on the topic of highly sensitive children each month over on Mommy Hotspot. You can keep up with new posts on the Mommy Hotspot Facebook page, or by following on Twitter at @MommyHotSpot. I hope you'll join me over there!

The British Art of Queuing on Smitten By Britain

The British know how to queue. Fact. However, from what I read, I fear it may be a dying art. Fact or fiction? You tell me. My latest article on this all important British cultural topic is over on Smitten by Britain.

"I arrived first at the bus stop and stood in the place I deemed logical to start the queue for the bus. Others arrived. They stood in random places: a businessman set down his briefcase and busied himself with a newspaper; an early shopper placed her bags on the ground and played with her telephone; a student stood a few feet away with headphones blaring a tinny noise, ignoring the world around him."

- See more at: http://www.smittenbybritain.com/the-british-art-of-queuing

New Article: Forget Labels, Think Instruction Manuals

My latest article for Amsterdam Mamas is on the topic of labelling our children. I wrote it after a conversation I had with a mother of a highly sensitive child who was reluctant to discuss her child's character traits with her new school. It got me thinking about our own journey with my son and his schooling and I realised the effects of sticking a 'highly sensitive child' label on his head and how differently we approached it when we changed schools. It proved to be a successful formula.

"A mother of a highly sensitive child (HSC) who had just started primary school told of how her child was struggling in the classroom, resulting in tantrums and tears at home. The teacher was being less than understanding about her daughter’s need for quiet time to recharge, and failed to grasp just how overwhelming the school environment is for her daughter." 

You can read more over on Amsterdam Mamas. I would love to hear your thoughts over on Amsterdam Mamas.

Latest Smitten by Britain Post: A British Breakfast

Boiled eggs and toast. A harmless topic you would think. Alas not if you are a multicultural family it turns out.....

"Picture the scene: a typically Dutch dull, grey Sunday morning, sitting around the breakfast table with visitors from Britain. I chose this morning to soft boil some eggs, toast some bread and cut it up into strips as part of the morning feast."

Things were about to get messy and confusing..... Read the rest of my latest Smitten by Britain post to find out more.

Almost Dutch - Winter Olympics Pride

Photo Credit: Thera

Sometimes a realisation blind sides me. An unexpected event can arouse surprising emotions; I suddenly consciously realise what an attachment I have for my adopted country. I am suddenly fully aware of how much I love where I live and how proud I am to be able to even pretend play at being Dutch. I have a sense of national pride for a country I wasn't born in.

Such a feeling struck me over the weekend. Watching three Dutch flags rising simultaneously on Saturday to the rousing sounds of Het Wilhelmus left me feeling fiercely proud.

I'm not Dutch but I guess I'm as close to being Dutch as I can be without actually surrendering my British citizenship (never gonna happen). And watching three successful sportsmen so joyfully perched on an Olympic podium makes me realise how close to feeling Dutch I am, and how I love where I ended up living, even if it wasn't ever part of the plan.

It's not the first time a sporting achievement has left me with a hint of a tear in my eyes or made me feel sentimental about my adopted homeland. The last time was in 2010 when the Dutch football team did the country proud by reaching the World Cup. I was so surprised about how pained losing made me feel that I wrote about my experience for The Telegraph.

This time around the all orange medal podium was the cause of my sentimental attachment to the Netherlands, courtesy of the winners of the 5000m speed skating event. Sven Kramers brings the gold back to his home country, whilst countryman Jan Blokhuijsen won the silver medal and Jorrit Bergsma the bronze. An impressive sight - three Dutchmen together on an Olympic podium. Made even more impressive by the fact that it was their own king who presented them with their medals. A proud moment for the Dutch indeed.

And it won't be the last time we see such a sight. Yesterday the gold, silver and bronze medals for the 500m men's speed skating were won by....wait for it... three Dutch men: Michel Mulder, Jan Smeekens and Ronald Mulder.

Another proud moment to come then. Even for this adopted Brit who has made the Netherlands her home.

The Art of Home Education: Expat Family Ties

The Art of Home Education

The informative site The Art of Home Education republished a post I wrote for Expat Child on the topic of keeping family ties alive when huge physical distances keep extended families apart. You can read Expat Family Ties here.

If you aren't familiar with the site head on over and take a look. There are some great features, as well as information and links about home schooling.

In particular the Week Window feature is a lovely roundup:

"A weekly overview in pictures accompanied by a short description. Beautiful moments, creativity, inspiring surroundings, wonderful nature and more we encounter during our “little” adventures."

And I love The Art of Home Education's tag line:

"Let the journey be shaped by the curiousity of the child…"

Parenting A Highly Sensitive Child

Amsterdam Mamas has published an article that I wrote on the topic of highly sensitive children. It's my personal story of parenting a highly sensitive child and the journey we have been on over the last few years and in particular the challenges we have faced with his schooling. It's been a bumpy road but I hope my story helps somebody somewhere understand highly sensitive children just a little bit more.

"My eldest son is a highly sensitive child (HSC), and together we’ve been on an 18 month journey of discovery.
After a traumatic entry to the world, my first-born cried a lot – every evening for hours at a time for the first three months of his life. At six months, nobody could hold him except his father or me. Later, he would cower behind our legs if a stranger came near him. If we tried to leave him with someone, he screamed hysterically."  To read more head over to Amsterdam Mamas.

*If this is a topic that resonates with you I have created a Facebook group called "Happy Sensitive Kids" for anyone who is involved in raising HSCs. My goal is to create a supportive, safe place to share tips, experiences, challenges and the joys of bringing up HSCs. It's a closed group so you need to request membership but it also means that the posts can only be seen my members.*

Expat Family Ties: Far Away but not Distant

I wrote a guest post for Your Expat Child on the topic of expats staying in touch with their extended family. Geography does not determine the success of a relationship. I know first hand and it's a subject very close to my heart.

"There is a saying that grandchildren are the reward for being a good parent. And many grandparents would certainly agree. But what if many miles separate your children and their grandparents? Does it mean the relationship will be distant too? Can you be an uncle if thousands of kilometres separate you from your nephews or nieces?........"

Head over to Your Expat Child to read more, and whilst you're there, stay a while and have a browse - it's a must read site if you are living or moving abroad with children.

Motherhood, Passion and a Creative Hat: A Career Crossroads

A Career Crossroads is not always easy to negotiate
Photo Credit: http://www.uniqraphy.de/

I wanted a career that allowed me to wear my creative hat every day, not one that sucked the life out of me. So I made a change. So easy it was not....obviously.... but I did eventually make the switch to a career with the added bonus that I could combine it with motherhood. A career that gave me the freedom to work from home (or anywhere for that matter) and still be around for my children growing up.

I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make a change when I stood before my own career crossroads, to follow my heart and let my passion dictate my career - and my story makes up a piece I wrote for the latest Expats Blog writing contest. Follow me on over there.... take a read and tell me what you think on the Expats Blog page by leaving a comment or liking the post. And whilst your over there, check out some of the other great posts from fellow expats across the world.