In the Netherlands as soon as pakjesavond is celebrated and Sinterklaas is on his way back to Spain everything related to the 5th of December is quickly packed away. Then it's time to turn attention to Christmas. That means everyone runs to the local garden centre or Christmas tree vendor on the 6th of December and spends the rest of the day hauling the Christmas stuff from the zolder (attic) and decorating the tree.
Which is exactly how we spent our day yesterday. Well, actually we did a little preparation and bought our tree on Friday whilst the kids were busy in school with Sinterklaas and his helpers. But then we realised we hadn't bought a snow blanket thing to put the Christmas village on so my husband popped to our local Intratuin. He picked up the last snow blanket pack.... and was actually challenged by another shopper as to whether his need was greater than hers...... It's a jungle out there folks.
Many years ago, when I was a naive and untrained expat, I attempted to get our Christmas tree up as soon as December reared its head. I learnt very quickly that that is just NOT DONE in the Netherlands. You should have the courtesy to see Sinterklaas off before you welcome Christmas into your home. I know better these days and go with the flow.
And so it is now in our home too: 6 December aka 'put your Christmas tree up' day.
Every year around this time I get ready to start a Christmas journal, more specifically a 'Tis the Season Gadanke journal. I usually get near to the end of November and then think about my Christmas journal, realise I don't have one and get one rushed to me just in time for 1st December.
This year I am prepared! I have this year's on the kitchen counter, ready to go and my eldest asked me yesterday what it was. I told him that I use it to record all the wonderful things we tend to do as a family during December; I write little notes, put photos in and record the details. It's become a tradition, and as my sons get older they'll add to it themselves.
"I've been doing one every year for the last few years. You can look at them later if you like," I told him. His eyes lit up.
"Really? That would be cool!" he said.
My children, as most children do I think, love looking at photos of themselves when they were little(r). And that's the moment when I remembered exactly why I spend time in December capturing both the special and the ordinary moments.
My boys are growing fast - the rolls of baby fat are long gone, the high chair has no place at our Christmas table anymore and whether Sinterklaas exists is now a question on my eldest child's lips. In short, every December we have together is different.
December is evolving as we grow as a family. One day our Decembers will look so different, one day when my children have families of their own. But meanwhile, these are our Decembers to share - and I'm making the most of them, every smile and squeal of joy.
December is a mad month, easily the busiest month of the year. First we have the build up to Sinterklaas arriving in the Netherlands (he gets here this Saturday) and as soon as he heads back to Spain with his helpers our attention turns full on to Christmas. December is a mad month - but also an incredibly wonderful one so capture it.
Every year I create our own advent calendar which comprises 24 envelopes with something sweet and edible and an activity which we then do that day. Because things at school are already hectic enough for my children I tend to go for quiet, calming activities during the week. Think things like a Christmas story by candlelight or simply eating by candlelight, or donating food to a local cause or making a present for a loved one. Other days we go to a Christmas market or fair or bake mince pies or pepernoten. This year a traditional, British pantomime will be on December's list (watch out for a future post on this!).
So, there are lots of moments to capture, lots of fun to record for later years, and lots of photos to take to remind us of precious times. Lot to be thankful and grateful for.
And on top of all that the Gadanke Christmas journals contain writing prompts that make me think about the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feelings of the festive season - and of course the tastes of December! And there are lots of other little bits and pieces which will make the creatives amongst you squeal with joy. Gadanke is also a great place to go for journaling inspiration, including workshops, prompts and ideas to spice up your pages.
Oh how I love December!
How do you capture your December memories? Do you journal at this time of year?
Halloween tends to get bigger every year in the Netherlands. Fifteen years ago when I arrived on Dutch shores the word Halloween was barely uttered in the month of October. Now it's common to see Halloween related goodies in the shops and the odd spookily decorated house towards the end of this month.
A few years ago my neighbourhood started organising a spot of trick or treating for the children and for the last two years our school has also marked Halloween in some way. It's growing in popularity, that's for sure.
Does your Dutch neighbourhood mark Halloween? Or do you join in celebrations for Sint Maarten on the 11th November? Did you do anything for Halloween in your home country? I'd love to hear about your Halloween then and now!
Some played along. Some were oblivious to the fact that it is 1 April today. In any case entering the school building this morning was amusing! The teachers all had their own toilet roll tied around their waist too or prominently on their desks......
We also played a few jokes on the children this morning (frozen milk in their beakers being the best) so everyone has gone off to school in good humour.
Maybe not everyone is cut out for expat life. Want to know if life abroad is for you? Want to try before you fly? Test the waters before you cross them? Here are ten ways to judge if you can hack expat life before you actually become an expat.
1. Put Yourself in Isolation
Spend one month in almost complete physical isolation from your family and friends. In fact, if you want to go for the ultimate test, isolate yourself from anyone who speaks your language. You may Skype, Facebook, text or call loved ones but absolutely no visits in person. This is how it feels when you first move abroad. Feeling lonely?
2. Think Back to Toddler Days
Think back to when you were two years old. (This one is easier to do if you are a parent.) Can you remember your capacity for language back then? Revert to that level of communication for a week. You can use your hands, mime your wishes and use two word sentences to express yourself in public with other real live human beings. The only proper verbal conversation you may have is with your family via the phone or Skype (see 1). This is how it is to live in a country where you do not speak the language, and they don't speak yours. Frustrated yet?
3. Gobbledygook Shopping
Let's move on to shopping. Imagine going to your local supermarket one day and all the words on all the food items have been turned into gobbledygook. You do not understand a single word on any of the products and so have to do your grocery shopping entirely based pictures on the labels and how the product looks. Fruit and vegetables are probably easy, but what meat are you buying? What ingredients are actually in that tin? Still managing to put healthy, delicious meals together every night?
4. Sorry Sir, We Don't do Your Size
Imagine going to your local shoe shop to be told they don't make adult shoes in your size. Your feet are too small by local standards - perhaps you could try the children's section? Now head to a clothes shop and try on a pair of trousers. The leg is so long you could actually get one and a half of your own leg in one trouser length. But you have to buy them because that's the best fit you're going to get. You can pay a tailor to fix them for you later right?
5. Eating Goodness Knows What Out
Go to a restaurant and ask for the menu. The entire list is incomprehensible to you. The waiter doesn't understand what you are saying (see number 2), has no other menu for you and you are clueless what he means when he waves his hands around at you. You must choose something to eat. Now. Had a good meal?
6. A Glass of Froth
Go to a bar and order a glass of your favourite beer. Oh wait, they don't have the beer you usually drink. Order any beer you think you may be able to drink. Point to the beer tap and mime drinking to order your beverage (see number 2). The bartender presents you with a small glass of what, when all is said and done, is mainly froth. Drink it. Will you get used to it? 7. Nothing is Familiar
Imagine you wake up morning after morning for a week and when you look out of your bedroom window you recognise nothing. You step outside your home and nothing is familiar. You feel a deep, primal ache for just one little thing that feels familiar but you know you are months away from that happening. That's culture shock and homesickness.
8. An Administration Headache
You need to open a bank account but have no idea where to start; the forms you need to fill in are in a foreign language and you need to show documents you don't have. You need to get your electricity, internet and telephone switched on but you need to have a bank account to get connected. You are no longer allowed to drive a car until you have a new driving licence, which means you must take a new driving test, so must learn to read road signs and learn the rules of the road in a language you don't speak. Got a bureaucratic headache yet?
9. Stop Working
You love your career. You've done well for yourself. However, you are now, with immediate effect, no longer allowed to work. That vocational qualification or university degree you have spent years earning? It's suddenly not valid so you can't practice your career anymore. So you decide to do something else, you're multi-skilled. First, you need a permit to work. That means more paperwork, including showing documents that you don't yet have, and when you get hold of them getting them certified to show that they are genuine. It will take months before you can do any kind of work, and it will likely not match your education and qualifications. That ok?
10. See the World Through Different Eyes
Pretend you are heading off on a huge adventure where everything you see is new, every new sound sends jolts of excitement through you. Imagine that every person you meet is new, and that they all have a fascinating story to tell from all the nooks and crannies of the world. Every experience you have, from the mundane day to day to the one off breathtaking events, teaches you something valuable about yourself and the world around you. You see a world so different to the one you have lived in so far. You learn different ways to do things. You try new foods, new ways of cooking, new ways of shopping. You experience new climates, new religions, new traditions, new customs. You see the world in new colours. Seem like fun?
If this all seems like a walk in the park, pack your bags and go. If number 10 is enough to counteract every single one of the other 9 then what are you waiting for? Expat life awaits!
Of course, this is tongue in cheek - my point is that expat life is not a bed of roses. At times it is damn hard, harder than you can imagine but the payback is huge. Life changing. And worth the jump if you are willing to overcome the obstacles!
I recently shared a picture on my Facebook page of a Pizza Hut pizza with a Cadbury's Creme Egg crust. Seriously, I couldn't make this up. The response was mixed - some thought it was a culinary adventure that needed to be embarked upon (including my eldest son whose eyes lit up at the thought of a pizza and chocolate combination) and others, the majority, turned their noses up. It got me thinking about other weird British things.......
1. Weird British Food
The British are not automatically associated with haute cuisine....
The British are not really known for their haute cuisine, but that is not to say there is some damn good nosh coming out of the British Isles. However, I will be the first to admit there is also some weird food stuff going on.
Where shall I start? How about with a deep fried Mars Bar? This originated in Scotland when some bright spark thought they would cover a Mars Bar in the batter that is usually reserved for fish and sausages and then deep fry it.
According to Wikipedia:
"The product has not received support from Mars, Inc who said "deep-frying one of our products would go against our commitment to promoting healthy, active lifestyles."
Not sure what is funnier - the reaction from Mars, Inc or deep frying a Mars Bar in the first place.
Then there are many cases where the food itself may not be off the wall but the names certainly are. Here are a few examples: toad in the hole, spotted dick, Welsh rarebit (or rabbit), stargazey pie (which looks weird too).
I rest my case. 2. Weird British Words
Then we have weird British words and there are so many I couldn't possible cover them all here. But two that spring to mind are arse and buggar (or bugger).
You won't hear the word arse used in US (unless my brother has managed to convert his wife) but it means pretty much the same as ass, though maybe just a tad ruder. If you hear a Brit say, "I can't be arsed" it means they cannot be bothered, they do not have the required enthusiasm to complete a task. If you are called an arsehole it means that someone probably doesn't like you very much. If a Brit mutters the word ass he is likely referring to a donkey.
Buggar (bugger) is also worth noting - it's a word my husband fell in love with not long after we met. The actual meaning of buggar is often not known by the younger generation (origins in someone engaging in sodomy) and using it around the older generation may not go down too well.
It is a word used as an exclamation of surprise (as in 'oh bugger me!'), anger, frustration or to dismiss someone in a way that is slightly less mild than piss off. You may hear "he's a lucky bugger" or "he's a little bugger" meaning he has got off lightly with something and he's a little mischievous respectively. Either way, great but weird British word.
3. Weird British Sayings
Similarly the British have some great sayings that mystify the rest of the world. Take the English saying 'Bob's your uncle' as an example. Someone asks for directions so you say, "Go left, then right, around the roundabout, then right and Bob's your uncle!" It means 'there you go', or 'everything will be sorted'.
If someone tells you to 'get stuffed', they are asking you to go away, get lost or shove it somewhere the sun doesn't shine (which is another classic saying).
Lastly I want to share "it's the dog's bollocks" because quite frankly how could I not? If something is the dog's bollocks it means it is really, really good. But don't use this phrase if your mother-in-law cooks you a good meal for example - you'll make her eyes pop out or the vein on her forehead throb.
4. A Weird British Habit
One weird British habit (and I fear this may be more of an English thing than a rest of Britain thing) is not saying what we mean. You hear, "Okay, I will give it my utmost consideration" and think, "Ah good, he's going to think about it" but what he actually means is, "What a waste of bloody space and I have no intention of giving it another thought."
It's because we are so polite and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause conflict.
So what is said is probably not what is meant. But don't let that put you off talking to the English!
5. Weird British Place names
There are so many there could be a book written about silly British place names but here are a few:
Shepherd's Bottom
Shitterton
Happy Bottom
Pant-y-drain
Whipper Slack
Cock Alley
6. Weird British Customs
Charming, quaint, insane - all words that could describe those weird British customs that you just won't see elsewhere. Like morris dancing, cheese rolling, welly throwing, maypole dancing, wife carrying, burning barrels and straw bears.
7. Weird British Laws
There are also many weird British laws that are still in existence today. For example, it is actually illegal to die in the House of Lords (the second chamber of the UK Parliament) and in case you are wondering you can't wear metal armour there either.
You may not herd cows along public roads between 7pm & 10am (without permission from the police commissioner) and it is illegal to be drunk in charge of cows, horses, steam engines and carriages.
And lastly, if you stick your stamp upside down you are committing treason. However, I can testify that should you accidentally on purpose stick a stamp on an envelope upside down nothing happens. You are not arrested in a police dawn raid and put in the Tower of London. Or maybe I am just an incredibly lucky buggar.
8. A Significant But Weird British Day
There is one particular weird day celebrated in England that is worth mentioning and that is the 5th of November - Guy Fawkes or 'Bonfire night' as we lovingly call it. It wasn't until I started explaining to my children the background to this very English celebration that I realised just how weird it is. We burn an effigy of a man whose plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament was foiled, set off lots of fireworks and eat sausages and burgers. 9. Other Weird British Stuff
And one last weird thing that baffles even me. A public school in Britain is actually not public at all, it's private.
This time of year is oozing with nostalgia, with childhood memories and traditions. However, I am an expat and recreating my childhood Christmases is easier said than done when you no longer live in the same country as the one you grew up in. Passing on the traditions that made up my festive days as a small girl to my three little Dutch boys needs a little more thought than it would if we were all living in England.
Take nativity plays for example. The annual battle over who would get to play Mary and Joseph. The work behind the scenes to create the perfect outfit to be one of the many angels or shepherds on stage. All engraved in my memory. There are lovely little photos of my brother and me in our nativity plays. But there are no nativity plays here in the Netherlands. At least not at any of the schools I know about. On the one hand, thank goodness - I cannot even begin to imagine getting three costumes sorted in a period that is already the very definition of madness, however, how sweet it would be to see my three sons on stage being a part of a nativity play.
Aside from nativity plays, Christmas carol concerts are also missing from our Dutch Christmases. As a child the whole school headed over to the church to sing Christmas carols. Some parents attended and it was the sign that Christmas was nearly here. Don't get me wrong, there are carol concerts (certainly not extremely common) but they are not related to my children's school.
Instead my two eldest boys have a Christmas dinner in school. They put on a shirt and tie and do their hair (Dutch style with gel....). Their classrooms are turned into magical twinkling spaces with candles and Christmas lights and desks become tables decked with colour and self made placemats. We parents provide a menu of hapjes that has been put together by the children themselves. At the end of their meal they sing a song for us. They have a lovely evening, and it has become a custom of their Christmas. My youngest has a Christmas breakfast at the peuterspeelzaal - his first one this year.
However, the food, putting a stocking out on Christmas Eve for Father Christmas to fill, the delivery of presents under the tree to be found on Christmas morning - that's all the traditions of my childhood, being passed on to my children.
Over the years I have been in the Netherlands, putting together a traditional British Christmas dinner has got easier. In years gone by the only way to recreate the Christmas meals of my youth was by visiting expat shops. These days Albert Heijn sells large turkeys, special to order at this time of year, parsnips have become more readily available and even cranberries are an accepted part of the festive period. However, I still need my beloved expat shop for Christmas pudding, brandy butter, mincemeat to make mince pies and proper, full size Christmas crackers, crap joke, paper hat and all.
There are compromises, and adaptations when it comes to Christmas and our mixed culture home. Our Christmas Day looks different to what is going on behind closed doors in the Dutch streets around us. And that is exactly what makes our Christmas so special - we have taken what is important to us and made it our own. It's our very own British Dutch Christmas.
Do you try to recreate the Christmases from your childhood? Are you passing on Christmas traditions to your children? Or does your Christmas look completely different these days because of where you are living?
The question of who will accompany Sinterklaas
this year has finally been answered.
This year, when Sinterklaas arrives with his Petes in Gouda we will not only see 'traditional' Petes but also stroopwafel and kaas Petes. Both products are very much related to Gouda itself.
But let's get to the crux of the matter. I do foresee a problem for those stroopwafel fanatics like my dad who may well be tempted to lick the faces of future Petes. It's going to be a struggle keeping the many stroopwafel fans under control I fear.
As for the cheese Petes, well, a whole other story. Kaaskop Piet. Which has caused a bit of a stir amongst some Dutch article commenters, stating that the Dutch already have a problem being known as cheese heads, and this certainly won't help.
However, these new Piet 'flavours' will make up only five percent of the total Piet collection on the 15th November in the great city of Gouda.
The debate gets crazier every year, but, as I said last year, change was on the cards. The changes are not enough for some. For others it's too much. It's a debate that will continue, and it's one that is still causing a huge difference of opinion in Dutch society.
Today is Bonfire Night. Well, it is in Britain at least. It's a cultural event that is laden with nostalgia for me. Neither my brother nor I live in Britain anymore, so this is an annual event that we generally miss out on. But the memories are fond.
At this time of year as kids in Britain we would wrap up in woollen scarves, hats and gloves and stand excitedly in the dark waiting for the lighting of the bonfire; for the moment when the flames would spring in to life and the wood would start to crackle, for the moment that we could feel the heat on our cold, red cheeks. The guy perched at the top of the fire would eventually fall and burn, the effort of making the figure disappearing literally in a puff of smoke. The crowd would cheer.
Once the bonfire was in full flame, we would turn our excitement to the fireworks which would be next on the evening's agenda. In the meantime we kept ourselves warm by filling our tummies with soup, a jacket potato or a hot dog or hamburger. To finish it off there would be a toffee apple or Bonfire toffee.
Then the firework display would start and the crowd would "ooh" and "aahhhh" in unison as Catherine Wheels spun, spider fireworks trailed their orange legs across the dark, starry sky and Roman Candles sent shooting stars heaven bound. We would wave our sparklers around, writing our names in light. The bangs, whistles, screeches and crackles echoed across each other as the firework show came to its finale.
Bonfire night every 5th November sticks with me, the date holding a feast of childhood memories for me, like a box of treasures I can open every year on this day.Since I moved to the Netherlands in 2000 participating in Bonfire night has become harder and I have only been in the UK to celebrate 5th November twice since 2000. As my children grow up this is a track record I aim to change so that they can learn and take part in a little piece of British history and culture.
For Bonfire night really is an important, traditional English thing. Some people back home have asked over the years "Don't they celebrate bonfire night in Holland then?" No they don't. Of course they don't - the Dutch, in general, have never heard of this 5 November malarkey. After all, Guy Fawkes made no attempt to blow up the Dutch parliament, he set his sights only on the British government. It means nothing outside of Britain.
He in fact had a cunning plan to get rid of the protestant monarch of the time by blowing up Parliament and King James I with it in 1605. The aim was to replace the head of state with a catholic one. Luckily for King James I the gunpowder plot was discovered (the anti-terrorist unit being on full alert back then too by all accounts) and the plotters were arrested and swiftly executed. End of Guy Fawkes and his friends.
On 5th November 1605, the first 'thanksgiving' was celebrated and marked with the ringing of church bells and the lighting of bonfires. Hence, why the British, over 400 years later, still light bonfires on 5th November and put an effigy (the guy, named after Guy Fawkes) on top of the fire. We do it because the fireworks represent the foiled gunpowder plot - that, and it's really pretty, and a good excuse to stand about outside in November and complain about the British weather.
This year however, we plan to rekindle a little of this British family tradition but this time here in the Netherlands at the British Society's Bonfire Night event in Amsterdam. It'll be an exciting first Bonfire night for my three sons, and I can stand outside in November and complain about the Dutch weather. All in all, a little piece of cultural Britain in the heart of the Netherlands.
Sinterklaas: the children's December celebration is
under fire in the Netherlands
The best way to rile a Dutch person is to ask them why they need two Santa Clauses and suggest they scrap one, namely the white bearded one with those very questionable black helpers who arrives in the country on a boat from Spain in November. And to be honest I can understand why they are pretty pissed off at the moment.
My disbelief at what is currently hitting the news does not stem from the fact that there is once again a huge debate about Zwarte Piet, racism and slavery. The issue has been on the table for many years, there is open discussion in Dutch society about Zwarte Piet and questions have been raised many times over about whether the appearance should be altered, including from prominent Dutch figures. Traditions, in general, move with the times, things change and Zwarte Piet, I'm sure, will continue to change too.
What actually riles me about the discussion this year is that it is spearheaded by someone who seems to have very little understanding of the Dutch and what the celebration of Sinterklaas is about. What riles me is the clumsy manner that a nation is told that their tradition is inferior to the Coca-Cola Santa that dominates the Christmas festivities of other countries, and that they should scrap their celebration on the 5th December. Verene Shepherd (UN representative) asked why the Netherlands needs two Santa Clauses. This is what pisses me off. Such a comment can only be made by somebody who is completely ignorant to the Dutch tradition of Sinterklaas, somebody who has not yet done their homework.
"Shepherd calls on prime Minister Mark Rutte to put an end to Sinterklaas. The prime minister has the power to influence the group that maintains this habit. If the Dutch government recognizes the Sinterklaas tradition is outdated, they should instruct the groups organizing it, to stop, according to Shepherd. And what is wrong with one Sinterklaas? Why does The Netherlands have two? Shepherd wondered in the program, referring to Santa Claus." - NL Times
The reality is that the Netherlands does not have two Santa Clauses. It has one Sinterklaas. I am yet to meet a Dutch family that has Santa Claus or Father Christmas visit them on the 25 December. Any Santa Claus figure that makes an appearance at Christmas time is purely commercial and is in no way a Dutch tradition. The Santa Claus that countries such as Britain and America know and love is known as the Coca-Cola Santa here.
If the Dutch weren't already pissed off about being accused of being racist, the suggestion that they should stick with the Coca-Cola Santa Claus and do away with their own tradition certainly did the trick. Nothing like attacking a folk to get them heading to a Facebook page to express themselves at a rate of 100 likes per second….
*The title of this blog post is stolen from inspired by The Head of the Heard's post How to Piss off a Brazilian.
In the third post of this series American expat Britt Breu shares her views on passing on her birth country culture with her children. Britt currently lives in South Africa with her German born husband and her two children who in turn were born in England and Germany.
Photo Credit: Stephen J. Sullivan
Both of Britt's children have dual nationality (American and German) and it was a decision that the couple took to open up the world to their children.
"Initially it was important to me that both have the choice of where to later study and live. Now, I believe it will enable them to. move more freely about the globe," says Britt.
Britt not only believes that her children should know about the countries she and their father were born in, but also any country they call home along the way even if it is temporarily. Britt explains why,
"I believe it is important for my kids to know about where they were born, where they currently live and the counties of which they are citizens. All of these things influence who they are and are a part of their heritage in my eyes, even if we are or were only guests. It will allow them to be more flexible and allow for greater tolerance of others later down the road."
Like Charlie and Vinita, Britt uses media extensively to share American culture with her children. She reads American books to them and plays children's music from the States with them. She also makes sure to talk about topical events with them. She explains further,
"I talk about American current events that a three year old can relate to and understand - not how the Democrats took the Senate but weather phenomena like Sandy, and about seasons (since we are now in another hemisphere) and American holidays. I will definitely talk about politics and history when both are a bit older, as well as show them my absentee ballots when voting".
Family back in America and Germany also play an important role in sharing the culture of those countries with Britt's children. Through Skype the children hear about every day life in the USA and Germany. In fact, Britt states that she relies heavily on technology to share information with her children about the countries they have a link to.
"For us, YouTube, resources online and Skype are essential parenting tools. I don't think I could do it otherwise."
However, local groups and resources also prove to be a valuable in keeping German culture at the heart of their family,
"I enrolled my daughter in a German language nursery school and have taken both my kids to German mum and baby groups."
Traditions and holidays are also marked to help share important cultural origins. Britt tells,
"I incorporate what I understand to be our national traditions with those of my husband's alongside those of our host country's - things like roasting a turkey for Thanksgiving. Last year I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the computer with my daughter since that was something we always looked forward to as kids. That is when we knew Christmas was coming."
Like the other parents interviewed for this series, Britt agrees there is little that can beat regular trips back to a country to immerse your children in the culture of a land. Britt however also notes that it is essential in her eyes for the family to get involved with the culture and citizens of the country they are living in.
Photo credit: Leigh-Anne Auerswald
But it is not always easy. The challenges of keeping the American and German cultures alive whilst living in South Arica certainly keeps Britt on her toes.
"I face three major challenges bringing up my kids here in South Africa:
Lack of family close by. I think every expat mum can relate here.
Trying to encourage the use of the German language and promote German culture while trying to reinforce Americanisms is hard when another form of your mother tongue is spoken all around you and your kids start becoming and speaking more like your guest countrymen than you.
The safety issue. Everywhere else we have lived, we have been able to live so carelessly and not be conscious of our safety at all times. It has been especially daunting at the beginning of our stay here."
Bringing up bilingual children is an issue that many expats face and Britt is no exception but it is not a challenge she shies away from.
Britt says, "now that we are here in RSA and were in Manchester 3 years ago, raising the kids to speak English has been easy. When we lived in Germany, I spoke English to the kids and showed them American TV shows for kids. Eva spoke better English than German whilst we were living in the UK and then the other way round when we left Germany for Cape Town. Now I have to encourage German through TV, online media, books and the pre-primary. I am doing this because I believe bilingualism or multilingualism, or better yet, multiculturalism is the best gift you can give your children."
If you don't already know Vinita Salome, let me introduce you. Vinita is a photographer. Well, actually she's not just any photographer. She's an exceptional talent behind a camera lens. She specialises in capturing the essence of families and children and creates atmospheric memories to treasure. I should know because I have a host of such pictures hanging on my wall.
Vinita is an expat here in the Netherlands with an interesting background. She was born and raised in Japan and went back to her roots when she moved to India aged seventeen.
She now lives in the Dutch city of Gouda, where her son was born six years ago. Her son has Dutch and Indian nationality and Vinita thinks it is important that he grows up with an understanding of the countries she grew up and lived in. Vinita explains why,
"We have family in both India and Japan. My brother lives in Japan and is married to a Japanese lady and together they have a daughter. My mother lives in India."
Vinita learnt how to share the culture and traditions of the country she was born in and the country of her family roots by turning back to her own childhood and remembering how her parents shared her roots with her,
"My mother cooked delicious Indian food, we spoke Sindhi (one of the Indian languages) and English at home, and learnt Japanese when we lived there. We were part of an Indian club where festivals were celebrated and children took part in the celebrations. We had Indian neighbours. We visited India almost every summer and met our extended family."
So Vinita is well prepared to teach her son about Japan and India. She too shares her culture and past with her son through food and language.
"I cook a mix of Asian foods, leaning towards Japanese street food. I cook mostly stir fried food and buy a lot of Japanese ingredients from the Asian supermarkets. I only cook Indian friends visit although I love to eat it. I speak to my son in Japanese when Japanese friends are around, and when I have my Indian friends here we speak together in English. In India, through prefixes, it is easy to identify who is who in the family. For example, Nani is mother’s mother and Masi is Mother’s sister and so on. Explaining these prefixes also makes him aware of things that are done differently.
On my last trip to India, I bought several comic books and dvd’s featuring many Indian mythological figures. He watches these, is curious to know more and asks questions about them. And when he is in India, or if he happens to see a Ganesh in someone’s house, he points it out to me.
We also listen to old Japanese folk tale CD’s in the car which has proved to be quite a hit with him.
He watches Japanese stuff only when he is with Japanese people, so in this way I try to build in some consistency and separation so that his mind isn’t flooded."
Vinita also highlights that communication with her family in Japan and India is an incredibly valuable tool to show her son how her life was in the countries she grew up in.
"Skype really works for communicating with my brother and his family. It’s just lovely to see how my niece and my son communicate and exchange notes. Japan also celebrates many traditions based on the seasons and when we chat we share these traditions and share so much about our different lives," she tells.
Of course, modern day technology makes it much easier for expats to keep in touch with family than in years gone by but at the end of the day nothing compares to actually visiting a country to taste the cuisine, witness the traditions in action, absorb the culture and understand what life there is like. Vinita knows this all too well and tries to visit family as much as she can.
But sharing your childhood life with your own children is not always easy. Vinita explains one problem they faced the last time they took a trip to India,
"Since I mainly cook Asian/Japanese meals at home, it was difficult to find food that my son could enjoy. We managed to introduce him to new tastes, but since I myself lean towards the Japanese cuisine, I see that the Indian cuisine gets left behind and he starts wanting food that he is used to eating like pasta and pancakes."
Sharing her childhood languages with her son is also an area Vinita has to work hard at.
"I find that I have to be consistent in all aspects of sharing my culture and traditions, but especially where language is concerned. Since my son doesn’t have an equal amount of vocabulary in English or Japanese, it’s easy to slip into Dutch while speaking to me. I notice that I’m the one who needs to keep at it."
Despite both the physical distance and the cultural differences between the Netherlands and Japan and India Vinita still finds it easy to share information about both countries with her son. She elaborates,
"I’m just fascinated how children can take in so much information where language is concerned, and their flexibility in how they adjust to cultures."
Top Tips from Vinita to Teach Your Children about Your Origins
Use the palette and share tastes with your children by cooking traditional meals at home
Shop together for different ingredients that represent your country of origin - we frequent Asian supermarkets.
Eat out in restaurants that cook the cuisine of your birth land - we go to Indian or Japanese restaurants so that he knows the difference.
Teach the language of your birth country - in our household we speak Dutch, English and Japanese
Use cartoons, books and DVD's to share language and culture
Use tools like Skye to stay in regular contact with family in other countries
Take a trip - nothing beats visiting a country and family
And a last note from Vinita, which I thinks sums up beautifully how lucky us expats and our children are,
"I feel privileged to have been exposed to so many countries, cultures, and languages and that exposure has helped me in my life. I would like to pass this on to my son and hopefully it will also help him with his endeavours."
How much of my British past should I share with my children?
Photo Credit: Gary Raven
When we raise our children in a country other than the one we were born in is it a good idea to share our past with them? Should they know what it was like to grow up in their mother's birth country? Should they speak their father's language if it is of no relevance to the country they are growing up in? And if we want to share our childhood culture and home land traditions with our offspring how do we go about doing that?
I've been thinking a lot lately about creating a treasure trove of memories for my children (in the words of Gretchin Ruben) and creating traditions that we can keep year after year. It was something triggered by Christmas last year and something that sits deep with me as a mother.
When I became a mother I found myself looking back a lot. What could I remember about my own childhood in England? What was Christmas like for me when I was young? When my eldest started school I cast my mind back to my school days and pondered how different his years in school will be to mine.
I started thinking about the fact that my three boys will be bilingual at such a young age - something I had to work hard at and never really achieved until I moved to the Netherlands. Their childhoods will be so different to mine, not just because they are a different generation, but because they were born and are being raised in a different country than I was. It makes for interesting parenting because I do want to share what it was like for me growing up in England. I want them to be able to connect to the family that is still in England (and Wales of course.....) and I want them to appreciate and notice the differences when we go back to England for holidays and visits.
But just how easy is it to share the culture and traditions of a country you were born in but which means little to your own children?
To find out, I have spoken to some expat mothers about sharing their past and the culture and traditions of their birth countries with their children. I asked them which tools they use to share information, whether they think it's important to even try and show their kids what their home country is and was like and about the challenges they face sharing the best of their life in their birth country. For the next couple of weeks you can read their experiences and share your own.
I hold my head in shame as I realise it has been over a month since my last posting. What can I say? It has been a busy festive season and other things outside the blog have snowballed and there has been little time to catch up here.
More than any other year I have paid particular attention to passing on festive traditions to my children, as well as creating new ones with them during the Christmas period. As my three boys get older they start appreciating the little things connected with each season, and they remember things the following year.
So this Christmas time was about the little things, about creating memories whilst making the most of every day and concentrating on the five of us being a family. Each day my two eldest boys took turns to open a door on the advent calendar, and as often as I could I chose an advent card with an activity on it.
Making tree decorations (c) Amanda van Mulligen
That meant we made a gingerbread house and the boys had a fabulous time decorating it (including the biggest boy in the house - my husband). We went for an evening torch lit walk in the neighbourhood. We made tree decorations from white dough and sprinkled them with silver glitter. We had a winter solstice dinner by candlelight. We decorated the Christmas tree together (the two oldest boys putting decorations on the tree and my 14 month old pulling them all off again....) and we made paper snowflakes. We watched The Polar Express as a family and even my youngest sat with us quietly for the duration of the film. We hung our stockings up on our bedroom doors and left a mince pie and a Baileys out for Father Christmas (the boys had been told by a certain someone that Baileys was always welcome as a tipple for Santa). On Christmas morning we opened the presents in our stockings, had freshly baked muffins for breakfast and then opened the presents under the tree. After Christmas the two older boys went to the circus with their dad and on new year's eve we went to the Winter Wonderland in the Spoorwegmuseum in Utrecht where the boys skated and we all drank hot chocolate whilst listening to a great band play some familiar numbers. We had a great time. Memories to keep safe.
A winter solstice dinner by candlelight (c) Amanda van Mulligen
Of course, before we knew it, the Christmas holidays were over and it was time to head back to school and work. Back to normal life - enter flu and pneumonia!! After a week of illness I am back on track and can finally play catch up..... oh and get everything sorted for my son's 6th birthday party at the weekend.
On the topic of traditions.... long before the Christmas period I asked some expats to share some of the ways they pass on their home culture and traditions to their children who were born in a different country. Over the coming weeks I'll share what they had to say with you in a new blog series. Watch this space!
.JPG)
