10 Things Expat Life is Not

Sun, sea and white sand. Maids, nannies and cooks. Exotic and luxurious living. Do any of these words evoke an image of expat life for you? Then I have news for you. Here are ten things that expat life is absolutely not.

5 Ways You Can Make Expat Life Easier for Yourself

I'm longing for change. I've been in the Netherlands now for over 15 years. I've been living in the same house now since 2002. I've been struggling to live life in Dutch for more years than I care to think about and instead of getting easier it's actually getting harder; people expect you to speak flawless Dutch after 15 years in the Netherlands, but I don't. I can hold my own, I get by, but I still have to think about what I need to say. I've been through the culture shock curve and co e out the other side, unscathed. I feel more at home these days in the Netherlands than I do in Britain, yet I am still living a life in the middle, between two worlds. And suddenly I'm finding it to be exhausting.

'Once Upon an Expat' Book Release: More Expat Stories Than You Can Shake a Stick At

It's out! It's released!! It's available!!! 'Once Upon an Expat' is now on sale and yearning to be read.

Expat in the Netherlands Study: Your Help Needed

Tessa Rutten is a Research Master student in Communication Science at the University of Amsterdam. She is currently writing her Master's thesis, which focuses on expats in the Netherlands. 

If you are a foreign national working/studying in the Netherlands you can help by answering a few questions. 

Tessa explains the purpose of her thesis and this survey: 

"I am conducting a study on the adjustment process to living in the Netherlands. The aim is to get a better understanding of the factors that could improve this process. The results can be used to tailor the offered support and potentially improve the work and study experiences of expats and international students in the Netherlands. 

So, if you are currently working or studying in the Netherlands and have a non-Dutch nationality and citizenship, your response would greatly be valued! The anonymous survey, which will take around 10 minutes to complete, can be accessed through the following link:  

https://qtrial2014.az1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_6fDy8wcqpRnmBuZ"

6 Ways to Make Sure Your Summer Holiday is Really a Holiday When You're an Expat

For my first few years as an expat my husband and I spent most of our holiday allowance travelling to and fro to England for long weekends. Once we had three young children the ‘popping back’ for short stays stopped, but our children do not do house-jumping between various friends and family members well. It isn’t their ideal summer holiday, no matter how wonderful it is to see everyone. They find it difficult to settle and tend to arrive back in the Netherlands more tired than when we set out. So we had to get creative and work out ways to see loved ones without the lodging hopping and constant travelling.

Here’s what we have come up with over the years:

Stop half way

Choose a holiday destination that means you can stop off half way and see friends and family en route. For us this has meant holidaying in Cornwall, England with stop-offs at family on the way to and from the Eurotunnel or boat, sometimes staying a night or two and other times just popping in for lunch.

Invite loved ones

Ask your friends or family to join you in your chosen holiday venue. Book accommodation big enough to invite others to stay with you, either for a few days or the duration, or make sure you stay somewhere where loved ones can also stay nearby. This way you get to explore new sights and spend time with those that matter.

Announce your arrival and sit back

Let people know when you will be back in town and where you will be staying and ask them to come to you. This way you don’t end up traipsing from one house to another. People will usually understand that you have already done the travelling to get back and find their way to you, particularly if you have young children. It’s a great excuse to organise a family party so you can see everyone at the same time.

Explore ‘home’ like a tourist

Take the opportunity to explore ‘home’ through the eyes of a tourist. Do some planning before you return and find places you either have not been to for a while, or have never visited. Challenge yourself to see ten new things in the area you once lived and explore the local area. This way you can alternate or combine sight-seeing with visiting loved ones – a win-win situation for the children especially.

Show your children your cultural roots

Use a trip ‘home’ to share the life you led before you moved overseas and share your cultural roots with your children. Let them see where you went to school, where you used to work, where you played with your friends. Introduce them to food and events that are typical of your birth country’s culture. Encourage them to practice speaking the local language. Immerse them in your heritage.

Staycation

Invite friends and family to you over the summer and explore close to home instead of traveling far. So often we head further afield but don’t visit the sights under our nose. Make a list of things you haven’t yet seen or done in the Netherlands, or take your visitors away for a short break in Belgium, Germany or France. Or you can involve your visitors in a bit of summer culture fun using their countries of origin. Either way, you get the best of both worlds.

10 Things I Learnt Cooking Indonesian Food with an Indonesian Expat - Plus a Bonus Culture Lesson

I have an Indonesian friend who I have watched in envy over the years as she whips up enough chicken sate to cater for 30 people without so much as a hint of panic. Every time I have opened a shop bought nasi mix packet I've seen the disapproving look of my friend in my mind's eye. I can hear her tutting in my head.

So at the start of 2016 I vowed to try new things, learn new skills. In addition to knitting I wanted to try my hand at crochet (so far that's a disaster - crochet is something I can't seem to get to grips with). And I wanted to learn how to cook authentic Indonesian food - without a packet mix in sight.

The Little (and Big!) Changes Expat Life Brings

When I boarded a ferry more than fifteeen years ago and left the UK to start a new life in the Netherlands, I never really stopped to consider how different my life would actually be.

I knew there was a new language to learn, one that I'd mistaken for a strange German dialect during a summer holiday in Turkey. 

I was, of course, aware of the typical Dutch associations with clogs, windmills, cheese and tulips but I shrugged that off as stereotypes. I learnt that the old adage 'no smoke without fire' is alive and well and there are actually a fair few windmills in the Netherlands, some farmers do wear clogs (as well as father-in-laws working in gardens) and the Dutch do happen to grow a tremendous number of tulips.... and they like cheese. But these turned out to be the least of the differences thrown at me when I embraced an expat life in the Netherlands. 

An Amen to Expat Life, to the Travellers and the Migrants of the World

An amen to expats, to travellers, to the migration of people by one of the most famous expats who has made Britain his home, Bill Bryson taken from his fabulous book, The Little Road to Dribbling.

Do you agree?

A New Expat Book Coming to Town: 'Once Upon An Expat'

There's a new expat book coming to town. Well coming to the world actually. And I'll be in it!

'Once Upon An Expat' will be available in June this year and will feature many wonderful stories from expat writers from across the globe. You'll be able to read about the best and worst of expat life as you travel around the world through stories. 

You'll meet all the authors online this month over at Canadian Expat Mom's Facebook page - so watch out for that.

Even more amazing news is that all author royalties from sales of this book will go to Books Abroad, an organisation that promotes literacy and education in developing countries.

Don't worry - I'll remind you nearer the time......

Bill Bryson's The Road to Little Dribbling: Book Review:

In his latest book, Mr Bryson works his way around Britain to see just how these isles have fared since his adventure twenty years ago when he penned Notes from a Small Island.

The Expat Activity Book by Jodi Harris - A Book Review

Twenty personal development exercises to get you thinking about the challenges, the growth moments, the gifts and the things you lose when you choose an expat life. That's what Jodi Harris's expat activity book (Amazon US link) is about in a nutshell.

Amazon UK Link

From 'The Hello Checklist' at the front of the book to 'The Goodbye Checklist' at the back, Jodi (World Tree Coaching) guides you through activities designed to get you thinking about who you are and how you can be your best self as an expat. 

The first exercise is designed to help expats plan for settling into a new home, whilst the second is a means of visualising how a new adventure will look. They are exercises specifically for expats making a transition. They are the kind of activities that would certainly provide me with support and direction if I was planning an international relocation. 

However, I'm not. At least not yet.

An Overseas Love Turns Life Upside Down

With Valentine's day around the corner AngloInfo has been running a series called Lovepats. It's all about those expats among us who moved overseas for love. And so when I was asked to contribute my story I was happy to oblige.....

Anyone who has moved overseas to be with a partner will know that it turns your life upside down - and inside out. You'll already know it's not the easiest thing in the world to do...... but many of us do it anyway. Here's my story......

"Sixteen years after our chat room meeting we are still together. We are married. We have a family together. We are still planning for the future, even though we still don’t have it all mapped out. But neither of us is under any illusion that our journey to this point has been an easy one........."

to read more go to AngloInfo's Overseas Love Turns Life Upside Down and Inside Out

Tales from the Expat Harem - Book Review

I believe that a book that transports you to another place is the most rewarding read you can get. A book that allows you to experience a different culture or unknown feeling from the comfort of your easy chair, bed or garden, or even the less comfortable perch in the smallest room in the house, is one to rave about.

Reading Tales from the Expat Harem: Foreign Women in Modern Turkey (Seal Women's Travel) (UK link - for US link see Amazon picture below) will make you feel like you have experienced a little of life in Turkey. It is nearly three hundred pages of expat women telling their tales about life in a country that bridges east and west, that even within its own borders joins the modern and the traditional.

4 Invisible Expat Challenges

When you choose to move abroad there are some changes and challenges that are blatantly obvious - right there 'in your face' obvious. Such as the natives speak a different language than you. Like the predominant religion is not yours. Like the food is different to what you are used to eating in your passport country. Like the weather is constantly hot and you are used to four distinct seasons. That kind of obvious.

But there are other challenges of a life overseas that you don't necessarily think about before you make the leap. Like these four things.

1. Living Life in a Second Language

Yes, you got that you'd need to learn a new language when you moved abroad but did you consider that you don't just speak a second language everywhere you go, but that you actually have to live your life in a second language? If you have moved for the long term, or have a local partner then you'll soon get that speaking in a tongue not your own is very different to living life in a tongue not your own.

My husband's first language is Dutch and I obviously knew that before I moved to the Netherlands. But now I realise just what it means when I say my husband speaks and is Dutch. It means my in-laws are Dutch. It means my children are Dutch and they go to a Dutch school - so their teachers speak Dutch. My children's friends communicate in Dutch, as do my children's friends' parents. I do my shopping in Dutch. My neighbours speak Dutch. People who knock on my door speak Dutch (mostly - but those are stories for other posts I think) and when the telephone rings there is a good chance there is a Dutch speaker on the line. Dutch, Dutch, Dutch. One the one hand that's great - you can't beat that kind of immersion when it comes to learning a language. Eventually you actually start thinking partly in Dutch too but are you really ever so fluent that you can be your true self in a second language?


No matter how many books I read in English, how often I speak to my kids in English, how many calls I make back to England to speak to family and friends or how many programmes I watch on the BBC there is no escaping that I live my life in Dutch. Even after 15 years in the Netherlands that is sometimes tiring and frustrating. The words I need to express myself properly are sometimes not on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I come across as an idiot who can't string a proper sentence together. It can sometimes be a little bit lonely living as a minority of one.......

2. Emergencies and Illnesses Back 'Home'

When there is a medical emergency, or when a relative has little time left on this earth, running to go and see them is not a matter of hopping in your car. I unfortunately know from recent experience that such situations can leave you with a heart wrenching decision. It's an aspect of expat life that only gets harder as the years roll by. Bad news is a fact of life, even expat life. Illness and death do not always give fair warning.

3. Living Between Two Worlds

I'm not Dutch and I never will be. Even if I wandered off tomorrow and picked up Dutch citizenship whilst wholeheartedly renouncing the Brit in me, I still wouldn't be Dutch. However, after 15 years in the Netherlands I am also now too Dutchified to call myself a pure bred Brit. I live life walking along the middle line between two cultures - a cultural and national no-mans land if you like. It's a weird place to live.

4. Celebrations and Parties

Recently (though no longer as recent as I'd like) I turned 40, as did all my friends I went to school with in England. Popping back to celebrate the milestone birthdays with each and every one of them was just not on the cards. The same applies to weddings, christenings and other happy occasions. Logistics rule out joining in every party we're invited to back in my passport country. There are new parties locally to attend of course, but missing out on celebrating with loved ones back 'home' is tough.


Over to You: What challenge did you stumble upon that you hadn't expected or thought about before you moved overseas?

A Shout Out for all the Expats Spending New Year's Eve Alone

I was reminded yesterday that fifteen years ago I spent my first New Year's Eve in the Netherlands alone. Completely and totally alone. In a new house, in a new country. Just me and my tears at midnight.

I had been in the Netherlands for just over three months and my Dutch partner and I were in the middle of making the house we had just bought habitable. We 'moved in' a week previously, and I use the term moved in loosely. The house was half painted downstairs; we had spent Christmas morning sanding the floor. It was sparsely spotted with a few belongings here and there. It was pretty dismal in the best of circumstances, let alone as the backdrop for the first New Year's Eve celebration in a new country - alone. He had to work a nightshift.

I have written a couple of articles about celebrating New Year in the Netherlands, and none of them are very positive but on Facebook yesterday that very first New Year's Eve flashed back suddenly when a fellow expat shared that she would be spending this evening alone because her Dutch husband is working. Been there. Done that. Wouldn't recommend it. But looking back, it may just have done me some good. Going through the rough times helps you recognise and appreciate when you have it good.

Expat life is not easy for many of us, no matter what others around us may think. Even after fifteen years in the Netherlands life as an expat is still not without niggles and negatives. But I do know it gets easier.  I promise expat life gets easier.

Each New Year celebration that comes my way allows me to see just how far I have come. I'm practically a local at this New Year in the Netherlands things (except for the indiscriminate blowing up of street furniture and the brainless random setting off of decorative fireworks in broad daylight) as I munch on olieballen and prepare a gezellig meal for the family, putting champagne on ice for midnight and waking the children up to gaze at the fireworks that light up the sky.

I couldn't spend New Year's Eve alone these days, even if I wanted to (and believe there are some days I wouldn't mind an evening entirely alone, even New Year's Eve!) as I have three young sons. They are not the only positive things, but without a doubt the best things to come out of the expat life I chose, the one that started with a New Year's Eve alone, an evening that looking back I wouldn't change a second of. It was part of the path that got me to today.

So, wherever you are celebrating, whether you are with loved ones, a room full of strangers, or alone I wish you a wonderful passage into 2016. If you are a newbie expat remember that this evening signifies the start of another year of expat life under your belt - and it gets easier. I promise.

Sinterklaas Present Tip - Get Dutched Up!

Sinterklaas is weer in het land! So it's time to get your thinking caps on and fill those shoes! Get Dutched up! for that expat or Dutchie in your life.......

"Dutched Up! is a compilation of stories from Expat Women Bloggers living in the Netherlands. The book covers a wide range of topics about everyday life as seen through the eyes of a foreigner. Some are funny. Others have a wealth of professional information. Yet other stories are sad, shocking or surprising. 

There is one thing we can guarantee about this book. If you have ever lived in the Netherlands, at least one story in it will resonate with you. In all likelihood, there are a lot of stories that will sound familiar and have you nodding your head in agreement or shaking it in shared frustration. This book will help you appreciate the many moments of beauty, learning and growing."

Get Dutched Up! for Sinterklaas

If you go down to the ABC bookshop in The Hague today you're sure to get a surprise.

If you go down to the book shop today you won't believe your eyes.

Dutched Up! is there adorning the shelves in the company of some amazing expat books.

If you can't make it to The Hague then you can also grab yourself a copy with a few strokes of your keyboard:

 

Or if you live local to Zoetermeer than you can get a copy from me.

With Sinterklaas fast approaching this book makes a great gift for the expat in your life - as well as all your Dutch friends!

You Know You're a British Expat When.......

You can take a Brit out of Britain, but you can't always take the Brit out of the Brit....even when a Brit no longer lives in Britain......

15 Habits for 15 Years in the Netherlands

As regular readers will already know this month marks fifteen years for me in the Netherlands. It's impossible to live in another country for fifteen years and not pick up the habits of the locals. Here's fifteen things I now do that I didn't do before I moved to the Netherlands*.

UFOs are just one Dutch habit I have picked up

1. Living local

I pretty much live life with everything on my doorstep. I walk six minutes with my children to get to school. In the Netherlands the average primary school child has to travel 700m to school. Within a few minutes on foot I can be at a number of supermarkets and even my local town is only twenty minutes walk. Life in the Netherlands (unless you head out to the sticks) is small scale and local. Hence, all the cycling. There's less jumping in your car for every little errand.

2. Breakfast

Once a week we sit together as a family and eat breakfast comprising of crackers, cheese, cold meats and a variety of things that come out of a jar - like jam and pindakaas. It's not the sort of breakfast I ever ate in England.

3. Stamppot

Once winter arrives the potato masher comes out and stamppot is firmly on the weekly menu. It's a Dutch staple served with sausage and gravy which matches well with my British upbringing - Shepherd's Pie and Cottage Pie were regularly served up for dinner. We Brits are no strangers to mashing up potatoes and vegetables so stamppot was an easy habit to pick up.

4. Soup

It may be my imagination, or my lack of culinary adventures back in Britain, but the Dutch seem to be more into making hearty vegetable soups from scratch than the Brits. You can buy everything you need in one packet in the supermarket so for the real cooking slouches you don't need to do any food preparation at all. A healthy and warming habit to have picked up - which incidentally my kids love and if there is an easy way of getting vegetables into them then it's a winner for me!

5. Natuurijs

I can not so much as remember a time I stood on a frozen body of water as a kid in England, let alone skated on one. Here in the Netherlands it's as normal in winter (weather permitting) as putting on your woolly hat and gloves. Watching the excitement of my children on natuurijs is something I will always treasure even when they're all big and grown up. I have even been known to venture out carefully to stand on the ice myself but certainly not going as far as putting ice skates on my own feet. (The habits I haven't adopted could probably fill another blog post.)

6. Hagelslag

Having a box of hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles) as a permanent feature in my kitchen cupboard is not a habit I am particularly proud of but I defy anyone with kids to live here and not have it lurking somewhere in the kitchen. In my defence, I am stricter with it than most other parents I know as my sons have it only on special occasions and not as their breakfast staple. However, you will always be able to find a box in my kitchen cupboard.

7. Country Hopping

Essentially, I grew up on an island. We visited Wales and in later years Ireland, but country hopping wasn't really something we did regularly because of the distance. And then I moved to the Netherlands - Belgium, France and Germany are practically on our doorstep. In our pre-children days my husband and I flitted off for weekends in one country or another on a regular basis. Sometimes, even just for a day. A nice habit right?

8. Supermarket Visits

This is related a little to the first habit. Supermarkets are close. I practically pass by after the school run so can pop in and grab things on my way home. My visits to the supermarket in England were strictly on a maximum of once a week basis. Frozen sections were large, even fifteen years ago in British supermarkets. In fact, supermarkets there on the whole were large fifteen years ago. Here in the Netherlands they are more local and smaller scale and the frozen food section generally nothing to write home about. It's all about fresh. The baker, the butcher and the cheesemaker (my blog - I can make up words to fit) are still well visited as part of the Dutch shopping rituals. So these days you'll find me in a supermarket or food shop more regularly than you would have done twenty years ago.

9. Orange Clothes

I am not sure if I ever wore anything orange prior to living in the land of the Dutch. It's now a habit to dress in orange at least once a year to celebrate the Dutch king's birthday. In-between there are football matches to dress in orange for - though sorry to say that 2016 is not looking like one of those years........

10. Sinterklaas

Before landing on Dutch shores I had never even heard of Sinterklaas. Now I am an enthusiastic celebrator on the 5th December - and I have got used to hearing Sinterklaas songs for the month prior to the big celebration and three months after he has left the country whilst the children try to get out of the habit of singing "Sie ginds komt een stoomboot..." every morning. Some habits you just have to grin and bear.......

11. Pancakes

We eat pancakes probably once a month. In England this was an annual affair on Shrove Tuesday. It took me a long time here to accept pancakes covered with sprinkles as my sons' dinner. But every now and then I just let it slide, tuck my Britishness away in my pocket and watch them devour pancakes as their evening meal. It's called integrating I guess.....

12. Living life in Dutch

Obviously in England my life was conducted in the English language. My days now usually comprise talking in Dutch. I talk to my sons' teachers in Dutch, I talk to people in the shops in Dutch, I greet and chat with my neighbours in Dutch. It's one of the hardest habits I have picked up, but also one of the most necessary and one of the most rewarding.

13. Watching TV with subtitles

I no longer think anything of watching a TV program spoken in Swedish, Danish or German because shows are subtitled with Dutch. The Dutch, thank goodness, do not dub TV programs (with the exception of children's programs), instead TV shows have Dutch subtitles. Not only is it a great way of picking up Dutch vocabulary, it also became such a normal thing that I miss them when they are not on my screen. And I am so used to reading them as I watch TV that the spoken language can change from English and I barely notice anymore.

14. Snacks

Before moving to the Netherlands the most exotic things I saw deep fried were fish and sausages - and I had of course heard about the infamous Mars Bar. The Dutch take deep fried food to a whole new level and have made an art of all things deep fried under the label of 'snacks'. I affectionately refer to snacks as UFOs - Unidentified Fried Objects. You don't want to know what is in the middle of one of those fried snacks you order at the snack bar. It's a habit I get dragged along with as I am married to a Dutchman, and Dutch people like snacks. I remember my first snack bar experience - it was confusing and stressful. Being asked the question, "What would you like?" whilst faced with a billion unfamiliar things in the cooler before me was harrowing......

15. ADO Den Haag

My most recent habit that has formed is my regular attendance at the Kyocera Stadium in The Hague to watch my local eredivisie club ADO Den Haag play football. Aside, from my actual Dutch home, it's become the place I feel most at home in the Netherlands. It's my favourite habit to date.


*This post was inspired by 7 habits for 7 years in Germany by Let the Journey Begin

Food is Not Just Food When You're an Expat

As a child there was nothing more magical for me than the sound of the ice cream man playing in the distance, the gentle jingle getting louder as he approached my street. My brother and I would run inside to ransack purses and beg and plead to scrape together enough change to buy a '99' each and we'd run back outside clutching the coins in our clammy hands and join the excited queue of neighbourhood children. The anticipation of getting that cone in our hands, of hungrily licking the soft ice cream and biting into that chocolate flake. The summers of my childhood.

That was the image invoked when I opened the package sent to me by the British Corner Shop (BCS) and I pulled out a pack of Cadbury's Flakes. (*I received a free hamper of British goodies from the British Corner Shop in exchange for writing a blog post. All product links are links to BCS*).

When you are an expat food takes on an unusual ability to evoke a sense of home, to stir up memories long forgotten, to instil a feeling of familiarity and comfort. Food from your 'home' country becomes more than just food; it prompts emotions.

Take the Pot Noodle Chicken and Mushroom nestled in the hamper sent to me by the British Corner Shop. Personally I don't eat Pot Noodles, I'm not sure I ever have but the picture of a kettle on the pot (the one meaning you just need to add boiling water to the pot) made me giggle. Why on earth is that I hear you ask.... well it evokes a memory stored deep in my data banks, one from the time I attended university.

I have a friend, who will remain nameless (but you know who you are) who fancied a spot of Ambrosia rice pudding whilst in his halls of residence room. He wanted hot Ambrosia rice pudding. So he heated it up in his kettle. Needless to say he needed to invest in a new kettle and he never got to enjoy that particular tin of rice pudding. Three words: rice pudding explosion. It's hard looking at a tin of rice pudding, or the picture of a kettle on a Pot Noodle, even twenty years on without thinking of him.

And talking of Pot Noodles, as I was, the Pot Noodle in the hamper did not go to waste. My Dutch husband took it to work for his lunch. His verdict? "Best wel lekker!" A Pot Noodle convert.

The box also contained goodies that took me back to my early expat days - the days when the only flavour crisps you could get here in the Netherlands comprised paprika and ready salted. Crisps were a standard part of my shopping list when I went back to England: notably prawn cocktail and salt and vinegar flavours for my Dutch husband who had quickly picked up a British crisp taste too.

Oxo Beef Stock Cubes were also a standard part of my expat shopping list - there was something about the way they crumble, which Dutch stock 'rectangles' don't do. And of course the nostalgia of Lynda Bellingham as the Oxo mum during the 1980s. There's that too.

Food when you are an expat takes on a whole new meaning. It's not just a stock cube, a bag of crisps or a stick of chocolate - it's a short trip down memory lane, a few fleeting seconds back in your childhood, a comforting reminder of a country you no longer live in.

All readers of Expat Life with a Double Buggy can claim £15 off their first order with the British Corner Shop on orders over £75 up until the 28th February 2016 using the discount code:

 BUGGYBCS15