A Kid's Journal to Encourage A Child to Write in a Second Language

We're raising our three Dutch boys bilingually, with the primary aim that they are comfortable speaking English with their British and American family. I am always on the look out for fun, interesting ways to encourage my sons to speak in English, listen to English or read English books. The biggest challenge however, is getting my nine year old to write in English. I was delighted when a great opportunity for him to practice his English penmanship fell into our laps.

I'm a fan of journaling for many reasons, and I believe it is a valuable tool for children as well as adults. The Time Capsule kid's journal turned out to be not only great fun and insightful, but a great way to get my eldest voluntarily writing in English. Without me pushing or nagging my son chose to write in his second language.

4 Invisible Expat Challenges

When you choose to move abroad there are some changes and challenges that are blatantly obvious - right there 'in your face' obvious. Such as the natives speak a different language than you. Like the predominant religion is not yours. Like the food is different to what you are used to eating in your passport country. Like the weather is constantly hot and you are used to four distinct seasons. That kind of obvious.

But there are other challenges of a life overseas that you don't necessarily think about before you make the leap. Like these four things.

1. Living Life in a Second Language

Yes, you got that you'd need to learn a new language when you moved abroad but did you consider that you don't just speak a second language everywhere you go, but that you actually have to live your life in a second language? If you have moved for the long term, or have a local partner then you'll soon get that speaking in a tongue not your own is very different to living life in a tongue not your own.

My husband's first language is Dutch and I obviously knew that before I moved to the Netherlands. But now I realise just what it means when I say my husband speaks and is Dutch. It means my in-laws are Dutch. It means my children are Dutch and they go to a Dutch school - so their teachers speak Dutch. My children's friends communicate in Dutch, as do my children's friends' parents. I do my shopping in Dutch. My neighbours speak Dutch. People who knock on my door speak Dutch (mostly - but those are stories for other posts I think) and when the telephone rings there is a good chance there is a Dutch speaker on the line. Dutch, Dutch, Dutch. One the one hand that's great - you can't beat that kind of immersion when it comes to learning a language. Eventually you actually start thinking partly in Dutch too but are you really ever so fluent that you can be your true self in a second language?


No matter how many books I read in English, how often I speak to my kids in English, how many calls I make back to England to speak to family and friends or how many programmes I watch on the BBC there is no escaping that I live my life in Dutch. Even after 15 years in the Netherlands that is sometimes tiring and frustrating. The words I need to express myself properly are sometimes not on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I come across as an idiot who can't string a proper sentence together. It can sometimes be a little bit lonely living as a minority of one.......

2. Emergencies and Illnesses Back 'Home'

When there is a medical emergency, or when a relative has little time left on this earth, running to go and see them is not a matter of hopping in your car. I unfortunately know from recent experience that such situations can leave you with a heart wrenching decision. It's an aspect of expat life that only gets harder as the years roll by. Bad news is a fact of life, even expat life. Illness and death do not always give fair warning.

3. Living Between Two Worlds

I'm not Dutch and I never will be. Even if I wandered off tomorrow and picked up Dutch citizenship whilst wholeheartedly renouncing the Brit in me, I still wouldn't be Dutch. However, after 15 years in the Netherlands I am also now too Dutchified to call myself a pure bred Brit. I live life walking along the middle line between two cultures - a cultural and national no-mans land if you like. It's a weird place to live.

4. Celebrations and Parties

Recently (though no longer as recent as I'd like) I turned 40, as did all my friends I went to school with in England. Popping back to celebrate the milestone birthdays with each and every one of them was just not on the cards. The same applies to weddings, christenings and other happy occasions. Logistics rule out joining in every party we're invited to back in my passport country. There are new parties locally to attend of course, but missing out on celebrating with loved ones back 'home' is tough.


Over to You: What challenge did you stumble upon that you hadn't expected or thought about before you moved overseas?

Ten Ways to Test if Expat Life is the Life for You

Maybe not everyone is cut out for expat life. Want to know if life abroad is for you? Want to try before you fly? Test the waters before you cross them? Here are ten ways to judge if you can hack expat life before you actually become an expat.

1. Put Yourself in Isolation

Spend one month in almost complete physical isolation from your family and friends. In fact, if you want to go for the ultimate test, isolate yourself from anyone who speaks your language. You may Skype, Facebook, text or call loved ones but absolutely no visits in person. This is how it feels when you first move abroad. Feeling lonely?

2. Think Back to Toddler Days

Think back to when you were two years old. (This one is easier to do if you are a parent.) Can you remember your capacity for language back then? Revert to that level of communication for a week. You can use your hands, mime your wishes and use two word sentences to express yourself in public with other real live human beings. The only proper verbal conversation you may have is with your family via the phone or Skype (see 1). This is how it is to live in a country where you do not speak the language, and they don't speak yours. Frustrated yet?

3. Gobbledygook Shopping 

Let's move on to shopping. Imagine going to your local supermarket one day and all the words on all the food items have been turned into gobbledygook. You do not understand a single word on any of the products and so have to do your grocery shopping entirely based pictures on the labels and how the product looks. Fruit and vegetables are probably easy, but what meat are you buying? What ingredients are actually in that tin? Still managing to put healthy, delicious meals together every night?

4. Sorry Sir, We Don't do Your Size

Imagine going to your local shoe shop to be told they don't make adult shoes in your size. Your feet are too small by local standards - perhaps you could try the children's section? Now head to a clothes shop and try on a pair of trousers. The leg is so long you could actually get one and a half of your own leg in one trouser length. But you have to buy them because that's the best fit you're going to get. You can pay a tailor to fix them for you later right?

5. Eating Goodness Knows What Out

Go to a restaurant and ask for the menu. The entire list is incomprehensible to you. The waiter doesn't understand what you are saying (see number 2), has no other menu for you and you are clueless what he means when he waves his hands around at you. You must choose something to eat. Now. Had a good meal?

6. A Glass of Froth

Go to a bar and order a glass of your favourite beer. Oh wait, they don't have the beer you usually drink. Order any beer you think you may be able to drink. Point to the beer tap and mime drinking to order your beverage (see number 2). The bartender presents you with a small glass of what, when all is said and done, is mainly froth. Drink it. Will you get used to it?

7. Nothing is Familiar

Imagine you wake up morning after morning for a week and when you look out of your bedroom window you recognise nothing. You step outside your home and nothing is familiar. You feel a deep, primal ache for just one little thing that feels familiar but you know you are months away from that happening. That's culture shock and homesickness.

8. An Administration Headache

You need to open a bank account but have no idea where to start; the forms you need to fill in are in a foreign language and you need to show documents you don't have. You need to get your electricity, internet and telephone switched on but you need to have a bank account to get connected. You are no longer allowed to drive a car until you have a new driving licence, which means you must take a new driving test, so must learn to read road signs and learn the rules of the road in a language you don't speak. Got a bureaucratic headache yet?

9. Stop Working

You love your career. You've done well for yourself. However, you are now, with immediate effect, no longer allowed to work. That vocational qualification or university degree you have spent years earning? It's suddenly not valid so you can't practice your career anymore. So you decide to do something else, you're multi-skilled. First, you need a permit to work. That means more paperwork, including showing documents that you don't yet have, and when you get hold of them getting them certified to show that they are genuine. It will take months before you can do any kind of work, and it will likely not match your education and qualifications. That ok?

10. See the World Through Different Eyes

Pretend you are heading off on a huge adventure where everything you see is new, every new sound sends jolts of excitement through you. Imagine that every person you meet is new, and that they all have a fascinating story to tell from all the nooks and crannies of the world. Every experience you have, from the mundane day to day to the one off breathtaking events, teaches you something valuable about yourself and the world around you. You see a world so different to the one you have lived in so far. You learn different ways to do things. You try new foods, new ways of cooking, new ways of shopping. You experience new climates, new religions, new traditions, new customs. You see the world in new colours. Seem like fun?

If this all seems like a walk in the park, pack your bags and go. If number 10 is enough to counteract every single one of the other 9 then what are you waiting for? Expat life awaits!

Of course, this is tongue in cheek - my point is that expat life is not a bed of roses. At times it is damn hard, harder than you can imagine but the payback is huge. Life changing. And worth the jump if you are willing to overcome the obstacles!

5 Reasons Everyone Should be an Expat at Least Once in Their Lives

If you're not an expat, you should be. At least for a while.

When I was a teenager, I planned to be an expat. A translator living in France to be exact. Then my great expat plan took a back seat, maybe even got shelved,  whilst I worked out a career and all that grown up stuff. Then, as is often the case, expat life just kind of happened whilst I was making plans for my non-expat future.

Though it was never part of the original plan to wind up in the Netherlands, that's where the turn in the road led, and I followed it. I'm glad I did. Aside from my beautiful family, I gained a whole new life.

Expat life changes things. It changes you. Whether you plan it or not, whether your stay overseas is a temporary move, or one meant for a lifetime, being an expat is enriching. It's life changing. And that's why I think everyone should do it, at least once in their life.

If you're still not convinced, here are five reasons why.

You Meet Amazing People

When you move to a new country you, by default, meet new people, people different from the ones in your social circle back home. You meet people who speak a different language, who are from a different culture, who have a different background.

Friendships grow with people from all walks of life, people who make your expat life colorful and enriching. Without even trying you learn about other countries, other cultures, other attitudes and traditions.

Of course, let's be real, you'll also meet arseholes; unfortunately they live abroad too - but thankfully they are in the minority. Avoid them and you'll do just fine.

You Immerse Yourself in New Cultures

When you move abroad you try new foods, you take part in new traditions and learn new customs. You are party to new ideas, new ways of doing things. You listen to new music. You see different political and economic systems in practice. You celebrate new holidays. You see the arts and heritage of a country first hand.

If you are lucky you even learn a new language.

You learn about a country's past, and you learn what traits a nation treasures, what ignites a nation's pride. You notice the details, things you don't read about in school books, or learn about in travel books.

If you open your eyes, you'll see a little piece of the world through someone else's eyes.

You Fall in Love with Your Birth Country

When you become an expat,
you see your birth country in a new light

What is that saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well it's true. Nothing gets you looking at your birth country with rose coloured spectacles quicker than leaving it. I never really understood what it was that made me British until I left Britain, and then it all became incredibly evident. It turns out, you can take a Brit out of Britain but you'll never take the Brit out of the girl.

You start to appreciate all those things that make up your national identity, and realise that your home country culture, customs and traditions really have moulded you.

You notice the things that are dear to you from your own culture (for example, I never realised how attached to Bonfire night celebrations I was until I left England and 5th November just became a regular day) and which customs seem ridiculous and disposable.

When you become an expat, you fall in love with your birth country, including all those funny little quirks and odd habits that you never get a second thought to when you were living there.

You Realise Just How Much it's People, Not Things, That Really Matter

Living overseas, even temporarily, forces you to re-evaluate everything; to look at what you actually need and what you want in life. It's a clean slate, a chance to start anew and dump the baggage you no longer need to carry with you - both physical and mental baggage.

You start assessing what you miss from your 'old' life, what you actually need to move forward and what it is in life that really makes you happy.

You focus a little less on the material and more on the emotional aspect of life. You focus on the truly important things in life. You appreciate the true worth of those friends and family that were on your doorstep before you moved, and you sincerely value the worth of new friendships.

Relationships matter more than material goods when you have to start over. You realise it's people, not things, that really make the difference in life.

You Meet the Better Part of Yourself

When you leave everything familiar behind and set your feet down on new territory, you soon learn what you are capable of.

You uproot your life and replant it in, what seems at first, a hostile environment. You do everything to make sure it thrives. Because you must.

You learn to think differently, to think outside the box. The rules you once knew have been discarded and it takes time to learn the new rules - so you'll improvise. Maybe you'll get creative with your career, or amaze yourself with how determined you can be, or how passionate you feel about realising a goal.

You notice both huge and subtle differences and learn to be more open and flexible, because you have little choice. You become more accepting of change, because you have to be. You go through an unconscious self-improvement course and come out the other side stronger, more aware of yourself and your capabilities.

As an expat, you'll get to know yourself a little better, and you'll meet the better, more courageous part of yourself.

Over to you:Why else should you become an expat? What has been the biggest advantage of your expat life? Do you think everyone is cut out for expat life?

A Foolproof Way of Measuring My Dutch

It struck me over the weekend in a moment of pure brilliance that I have managed to establish a system that can accurately assess my level of Dutch. As many of you know I am British and my mother tongue is English but I spend most of my time navigating through life in Dutch. But it is by no means perfect. Not even close. Whilst reading a story in English to my seven year old son, it suddenly, out of the blue, struck me that getting a grip on what level my Dutch is actually at was easier than I thought.

Ready?

Well, I can talk to my two year old in Dutch and he understands me perfectly. He doesn't correct me. He doesn't do what I ask either, because he is two and his way is better. So my Dutch language skills are better than that of a two year old. Actually he is nearly three. So, minor correction, my Dutch language skills are better than an almost three year old.

I can talk to my four year old in Dutch and he understands me. What I say quite often has no consequence, simply because he is four and he knows better. However, I do know he understands me and he also doesn't correct me. I do sometimes have to correct his de or het when he says something. It's not often mind because most of the time I am not actually sure if the noun should have de or het in front of it, so I let it slide. He also says "hij hebt..." a lot and I absolutely correct that because that is something I do know. And just so you know, should you ever hear him say that, he hasn't picked it up from me. In fact, we have no idea where he has picked up that from. Anyway, moving on. My Dutch language skills are definitely better than those of a four year old.

I can talk to my seven year old in Dutch and he understands me perfectly. But he does occasionally sometimes often have to correct me. (Well, actually he doesn't HAVE to correct me, but he does. Even though it agitates me. I'm his mother, for god's sake.) And sometimes I ask him for help with a word or two when I have to write something in Dutch and his father is not around, but in general my Dutch writing skills are better than his. (And I am well aware that he has only been reading and writing for a year but small victories and all that). Anyway, so my Dutch language skills differ little from those of a seven year old, but I do contend I have a superior vocabulary under my belt. But I fear time is not on my side.

And lastly, I can talk to my husband in Dutch and half way through the conversation I often feel like I have lost him, and his eyes are a little wild looking, as if he's not really hearing me. Then when I stop talking he reels out a list of words I used incorrectly, every noun that should have been de and not het and questions every word that I just actually made up on the spot which sounded a little Dutch at least to my ears.

From these conversations I deduce that my Dutch is nowhere near as good as a forty year old's command of Dutch.

So there you have it. The level of my Dutch language skills lies somewhere between that of a seven year old and that of someone who hasn't yet celebrated their fortieth birthday. A scientific approach it may not be, but my goodness it's accurate!

Based on my utterly amazing measurement system, what level is your second language currently at?

Do You Have an Expat Mask?

©Expat Life with a Double Buggy

Many, many years ago I read an article in the Dutch daily newspaper, the NRC, about how people wear 'masks' according to the situation they find themselves in and who they are with.

In essence, people are only really one hundred percent themselves when they are alone. With a partner most, if not all, of the facades come down. However, when people are amongst strangers a wall goes up, or a mask goes on. We adapt to the group we are with.

It is an article that struck me at the time because I can relate to that idea. I'm an introvert. I'm uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations and that means there are very few people on this planet that know the real me. Becoming an expat made the idea of wearing a mask in some situations even more poignant. I have a British mask, my expat mask, my wife mask, my mother mask, my daughter-in-law mask, my writer mask....... and I'm sure this is just a selection of my mask collection.

It's a topic I have touched upon before in an article for Expat Harem. The very nature of being an expat means adapting. It often means communicating in a foreign language. It means hanging with people you don't know. It means following a steep learning curve. It means starting again. It means taking on parts of a new culture. It means reshaping everything you know and moulding it into a new daily life.

How many masks then does an expat wear? How many versions of ourselves are there? Do expats hide a part of themselves away to blend in with their surroundings? Can we really be truly ourselves and let our personality shine though when we are communicating in a foreign language and wrestling with cultural quirks that feel alien and uncomfortable? Does leaving our friends and family behind mean we leave a little part of who we are elsewhere? Do we reinvent ourselves with every new country, or do we stay true to the essence of who we are?
 

Is expat life at the expense of our own authenticity?

What do you think? Do you hide part of yourself away because you live in a foreign country? Can you let the real you shine through when you live in unfamiliar surroundings?

*This post has been adapted from a post published originally on my blog A Letter from the Netherlands*

Chips, Cookies and Pants: American, British and Dutch

Meghan of Bringing up Brits recently wrote a post about the conflict in her house about the use of British and American English. Whilst reading it I realised that a few Americanisms have slipped into usage in our home, despite the fact that no one from the USA lives in our home. The few American English words managed to slip in anyway. They just snuck in the back door and it dawned on me that some of them are because the Dutch is sometimes very close to American English.

Chips, Fries or Frites?

Chips: this is the Dutch word for what we call crisps in Britain. It is also the American word for crisps. So my Dutch husband often says chips even when he is speaking in English to me. To my utter confusion because chips in Britain are the fried potato variety of snack which the Dutch call frites and the Americans call fries.

Biscuits, Cookies or Koekjes?
Photo Credit: Bev Lloyd-Roberts

Koekjes: this is the Dutch word for what we British call biscuits. Cookies is the standard American word. You see where this is going don't you? So when my three small Dutch sons ask me for a biscuit, they follow their father's word use and say "Cookie?"






And I am also guilty of letting an Americanism sneak into our British/Dutch home when I yell out into the garden,

"Put your pants back on!"

Thankfully for the neighbours I'm talking about trousers and not underpants. And I'm talking to my children, not my husband.

5 Ways Expat Life is Like Moving into Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey aka Highclere Castle
Photo Credit: Darren Deans

I'm currently watching the latest series of Downton Abbey, sneaking in an episode here and there after the children's bedtime routine is finished. It struck me watching Tom Branson, the chauffeur who marries into the aristocratic Crawley family,  and his eternal and internal struggles to fit in with his in-laws, that expat life is a similar experience. Here's how.

1. Thinking Before Speaking
Tom speaks English, but not the same English as his mother and father in-law, Lord and Lady Grantham and their offspring. He needs to mind his p's and q's, think about his word use and his inflection. Like us expats, he needs to think about everything that comes out of his mouth if he doesn't want to stand out, make a show of himself or make himself a target of ridicule. When you live life in a foreign language you truly know how it is to think before you speak.

2. Testing Beliefs
An Irish socialist in the ranks of the English aristocracy is hardly a match made in heaven. He desperately wants to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor, is anti-British establishment and holds left wing, republican ideologies. However, his survival at Downton means watering down his own beliefs and political opinions, or at least how he expresses his views. He learns over time to keep his mouth firmly closed or risk stirring up animosity, putting his wife in the middle of unwanted family conflict. He has to learn to balance his political views and Sybil's happiness. In his own words,

"Sometimes a hard sacrifice must be made for a future that's worth having."

Many expats find their belief or ethics systems or values tested to breaking point when they move to a new country. The status quo in a foreign country often presents a personal or cultural conundrum. Ideologies, political beliefs, religious views and freedoms differ across the world and expats have to learn to thrive in the face of internally conflicting or unfamiliar laws or norms, even when it goes against everything they believe in.

3. Making New Friends
Tom finds himself in a completely new social circle, one forced upon him by his new status marrying in to Downton Abbey's well-to-do family. They are not people he would normally be dining and exchanging pleasantries with. And so it is too with expats, thrust into a new social circle by default because of a new expat location. Expats often find themselves in a room filled with people they wouldn't necessarily be socialising with in 'real life'. They reach out to people they wouldn't be friends with back on home turf.

Downton's Formal Dining Setting - the Scene for Many a
Discussion on Tom's Evening Attire
Photo Credit: Rachelle Lucas Flickr Creative Commons

4. Adapting to a New Culture
Tom was raised in a different world to that of his wife, Lady Sybil, and her family. He came to Downton Abbey as a chauffeur and we can safely assume there were no maids, butlers or footmen attending in his family home growing up. His background could not be more different than the world of formal dinner jackets, hunting and cricket that he enters when he marries Lady Sybil.

Daily, across the globe, expats find themselves living in an unfamiliar world to the one they grew up in, entirely different to their passport country or the one they were raised in. It means learning how things should be done, learning how others do things and adapting to a new way of living. Just like Tom, who after stoically refusing to conform to formal dinner attire for a long while, eventually gives in so that his attire ceases to be a topic of discussion. He also learns how to play cricket in order to keep his father-in-law happy and make up the numbers on the house team. He adapts to his environment, just as we expats do.

5. Staying True to Ourselves
Despite the changes that Tom goes through in order to fit in to his new home and life, he remains true to himself. He remarks to Matthew on one occasion that even if he learns cricket, goes fishing and hunting,

"I'll still be an Irish mick in my heart."

Tom carves his own role in the household, becomes an accepted, valuable, member of the Downton Abbey household despite feeling in his heart that he doesn't truly belong to the family nor any longer has much in common with the staff he used to serve the family alongside with. He makes himself essential nonetheless as manager of the Downton estate. He adapts, changes and makes a new life for himself, one he could never have imagined when he first arrived at Downton Abbey as a chauffeur.

And so it is with expat life. It changes us, in ways we could never imagine. We learn to adapt to our surroundings, to the people we live with, live with a new culture, a novel way of doing things, learn a new way to live our life. And that is true if we move to Downton Abbey or to a little unknown town in the Netherlands. In the words of Mr Carson, Downton's very loveable butler,

"What would be the point of living if we didn't let life change us?"

What indeed.

What Picture do we Paint of Ourselves Living Life in a Second Language?

What picture do you paint of yourself living life
in a second language?

Can your true self ever really shine through if you are constantly communicating in a language that is not your mother tongue? It's a question that I've given a lot of thought to during my time living overseas. I've even written on this topic before. (See "How do you say me?" on Expat Harem). I'm not talking about expats who spend a couple of years in a country and then move on, but those of us that have moved overseas to be with a partner for example, who don't have an end date to their overseas assignment. Those of us who live our daily lives in a foreign language.

Think about it. The situations where not speaking the local language fluently can give someone the wrong impression about you are infinite. Someone tells you of a bereavement but you don't have the words to tell them how sorry you are, you cannot express the depth of your sympathy in their language. You can't comfort them in the way you would like, the vocabulary just isn't there, like it would be in your mother tongue. Do you come across as uncaring or cold, whilst actually your heart aches for them?

You can't tell your favourite anecdote with the descriptive words and detail you'd like, the one that reveals so much about you. You can't get that punch line out, tell that joke in a way that shares so accurately your sense of humour. Do you seem distant and humourless whilst the truth is you'd love to be able to share a little more of yourself and you're actually amusing to be around?

I'm pretty sure that I sometimes (read often) come across as a bit of a klutz to my in-laws. There are times I cannot get the right Dutch words to my tongue in time during a conversation and the result must be that I seem disinterested or that I have no opinion. The truth is I have an opinion on most things, but I can't always express them in an intelligent manner in Dutch. When I add something in the midst of a conversation with my Dutch family it sounds like a five year old suddenly piped up and said something. I've been here so long in the Netherlands now I wonder how much of an allowance they make for me. How much of my awkward communication do they put down to me speaking in a language not my own, and how much do they attribute to who I am, or their view of who I am.

How, in our interactions with others, do we reveal the real us? It is of course not just verbal. We show a lot through our body language (which incidentally can also be a cultural nest of vipers) and the actions we undertake. Putting your arms around someone can say much more than any words at a difficult time. There are ways to show feelings without having the words at our command. However, I do believe that you need a certain level language ability in order to let the real you shine through, to share your depth and let another person in to your inner world.

It's the reason why my husband and I end up having dual language conversations when the subject matter is complicated or emotionally highly charged - so that we can truly explain how we feel without stumbling around looking for words in a second language, a process that waters our emotions and feelings down, unconciously making some things seem more trivial to the other than the reality.

It's the reason why professionals recommend that any coaching or therapy you have is done in your mother tongue.

It's the reason why so many expats complain making friends with the locals is hard. How deep can a friendship be when one of you is always communicating in a language that is learned?

That's not to say a relationship or friendship conducted in two languages doesn't work. Far from it. We are living proof that they do work. We develop our own way of communicating with each other. It works. But it takes time, it takes understanding, it means making allowances and giving the benefit of the doubt. All of which are not givens when you are meeting new people, developing new relationships, trying to let others who know nothing about you see a glimpse of your personality, when what they hear is someone tripping over their words in a  language that they clearly have not made their own.

Does it matter whether people here in the Netherlands ever know me as I was back in my passport country? Is there a pre-expat me and an expat me? Am I a different person when I talk in Dutch? Is the English-speaking me the real version of me? I don't know.

What I do know for sure is that I am more reserved in Dutch than in English because my Dutch vocabulary doesn't stretch as far as my English. I have less to say in a Dutch crowd than in an English group. There is currently a gap between the two personas. And I wonder if it will ever change. And I know that it does matter, at least to me.

10 Hard Expat Lessons Learnt on the Way to A Happy Life Abroad

No matter how idyllic expat life looks, there are lessons to be learnt

 It is impossible to be an expat for thirteen and a half years and not learn something. I have watched expats around me, and learnt from them. I have learnt some things the hard way, but looking back I wouldn't have it any other way. Every experience has helped mould me and the expat life I lead today. I have reached a point of happiness, contentment and satisfaction with the life I have carved out overseas with my husband and three sons. But there is no denying there have been bumps in the road leading to the present day. There have been tough, tough days. But each bump is a lesson learnt. Here are ten bumps.....

1. Habits can be broken. When you move to a new country the things you are used to doing, and the way you do them,  may no longer be acceptable, possible or feasible. It means changing what you do and how you do it.

2. Necessities can become unnecessary. All those foodstuffs you thought you could never live without? Turns out you can - with a little weaning and cold turkey. That particular shop you loved? When it's gone the world doesn't stop turning. You may miss things for a while, but eventually you move on. You learn to live without.

3. Every negative feeling has an end. Expats go through culture shock, even experienced expats who have done it all before in different countries. It's a lot easier going through a hard, negative period when you know those feelings will come to an end. It is part of the expat package.

4. Your way is not always the right way. The people in your host country may do things a little differently. They may turn everything you know on your head. And sometimes you find a better way of doing things.

5. For everything there is an alternative or a substitute. Can't get something you deem essential? Ask around and the natives or seasoned expats will have a secret ingredient as a replacement for you.

6. Adapt or wither. You cannot move to a new country and expect life to carry on as it was. And truth be told, if that is what you want why move in the first place? If you don't change your mindset, embrace change and adapt to your environment you will lose a little piece of yourself every day until you realise you have withered away to a shadow of your former self. Tough lesson, but true.

7. Go local. Learn the local language. Being able to confidently communicate with the local people helps you adapt, feel at home and find your way around your new environment. It makes everything a little less daunting and the idea of leaving the house a little less scary. Learn about the history and culture of the new land you call home, even if it is a temporary home. If you know why things are the way they are it helps you accept the things that may be wildly different from life as you knew it. Learn about the politics of your new home.

8. Explore. There is a whole new world around you. Seeing new sights is uplifting.

9. Make friends with the locals, they are your best tour guide, information source and linguist aides. Make friends with other expats, they are the voice of experience and they know what you are going through.

10. Expat life is not a holiday. Normal life continues at home or away with all its ups and downs. Moving overseas does not mean there is no more drama in your life, or that you can escape what happens back 'home'. Sometimes it can actually make problems worse as solving issues back in your home country is harder. Expat life is not an escape from life.

5 Lessons I Have Learnt from the Dutch

This is the fourth and last title in this month's expat blogging link up - it has been so much fun and I have loved reading about expat life through the eyes of fabulous bloggers across the globe - but it's not quite over yet. Here is the last one - 5 lessons the Dutch have taught me.

1. Work Life Balance: I've said it before and I'll say it again - the Dutch are work life balance masters. Leisure time is just that, and work time is kept to what is needed to get the job done. Many women work part time, and many parents arrange working hours around their home and family life. Watching the Dutch reminds me just what things are important in life. When the Dutch have free time they are out and about with their family, making the most of good weather, leisure facilities and the chance to be together. Just wander out on a sunny Sunday afternoon to see what I mean or a beautiful summer afternoon on any day of the week - the sun shines, the Dutch leave work early and head to the beach or a terrace. There isn't a 24/7 culture here, and whilst that was one of the things I needed to get used to when I first moved here, it's now one of the things I love. Not everything is open late, or on a Sunday - it forces us to slow down, relax and think of leisure time instead of errands and the demands of daily life.

2. Family Matters: The Dutch in general are very family orientated (some of my own in-laws are a huge exception to that) but I have learnt from those families around me, from society's attitude, and from cultural tendencies that the Dutch visibly and noticeably cherish their parents and their children.  Grandparents play a big role in the lives of their grandchildren and are a familiar sight on the school playground, actively busy in the daily comings and goings of their children's children. It makes me more aware of what my children's British grandparents miss out on on a daily basis and though I can't change the physical and logistical aspects of living abroad I can make sure that my children cherish their family abroad by keeping them connected, ensuring they feature heavily in the conversations we have at home and keeping them in mind.

Water into land? No problem.

3. Adapt: The Netherlanders are like chameleons. If it's cold and icy they get out their ice skates, leaving work early to head to the nearest frozen body of water (see point number 1). Kids are taken to school on sledges if the snow prevents bicycle use. In the height of sunny weather, the Dutch beaches and terraces are thronging with people. The Dutch people know they can't travel far with Dutch so as a nation are excellent linguists, switching from Dutch to English, German or French at the drop of a hat. No serious hills in the Netherlands means a national winter evacuation to winter resorts to quench the Dutch thirst for winter sports. The Dutch manage with what they have, and if they don't have it they go find it somewhere else. And if they really can't find it they make it. Like land they can actually live on for example.

4. Say What You Mean: The Dutch do not beat around the bush. If there is something on their mind, they let you know about it. It's not meant to be insulting, though for many expats that is the way it comes across - it is more about saving time and being honest. Blunt. Abrupt. Brash. It is in complete contrast to my British culture where politeness means softening a difficult message as much as possible, making it seem like less of a blow. What actually happens is that the message is lost in lots of frilly, woolly talk and the receiver of news is often a little confused about what the message means, particularly non-British conversation participants. So which is kinder? I can't say that I have become as blunt as a Dutchman, but I am working on being more direct with my words and I do appreciate knowing where I stand.

5. Birthday Efficiency: Every year I watched my dad scribble all the family birthdays onto a new calendar as a new year dawned. The Dutch have a solution - the birthday calendar hanging in the smallest room of the house. I no longer transfer birthdays onto a calendar on the first of January, instead there is a birthday calendar hanging in the downstairs toilet with all the birthdays known to us. I never need to touch it, except occasionally to add a new acquaintance or put a line through those whose birthday no longer matters (yes, I am ruthless - wrong me and your name is scribbled out on the birthday calendar). More time on New Year's Day to spend with family (see point 1).

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An InLinkz Link-up

To Learn Dutch or Not to Learn Dutch - That is the Question.

Should you have to speak Dutch to live in the Netherlands?
Photo Credit: Danagouws

A week ago, junior social affairs minister, Jetta Klijnsma, put a proposal on the table for temporary welfare cuts for those claimants living in the Netherlands who do not speak Dutch. It's not the first time this idea has been put on the political table, and each time the idea hits the headlines, there is controversy. It certainly opens up a debate. A fierce one at that.

In 2009, Utrecht council wrote to 1300 benefit claimants threatening that their benefits would be reduced if they did not attend a naturalisation course (inburgeringscursus), even though this group were Dutch passport holders and were not obliged to undertake a Dutch course.

In 2011 the council in The Hague put a stop to some benefits after recipients refused to take Dutch language courses. In 2012 85 people lost their right to benefits in The Hague when they failed to begin a language, despite repeated warnings about the consequences.

The theory is, according to councillor Norder in The Hague, that such measures provide an incentive to learn Dutch, and therefore enables participation in the Dutch labour market.

The proviso of receiving benefits from the government is that a claimant makes every effort to find work as soon as possible. Without any command of the country's language this job search is made much harder.

The Green party representative for The Hague, David Rietveld, questioned whether those following a Dutch course were then actually able to secure work, though he did say he had no problem with those people refusing to learn Dutch losing their benefits.

In 2012 the VVD wrote a proposal to this effect - anyone receiving benefits should have to prove that they have a command of the Dutch language, by means of an inburgeringsdiploma, or proof of eight years in the Dutch education system. Without this proof benefits would be reduced.

The latest proposal is a watered down version of the original coalition agreement which wanted to make Dutch language skills a compulsory part of eligibility for Dutch welfare benefits. However, this clashed with international law and had to be revised.

In his first King's speech last September King Willem Alexander announced that the Dutch welfare state is a thing of the past, and instead we need to think along the lines of a 'participation society'.

It is all part of the political pledge to make the Netherlands less of a welfare state and help welfare recipients become more employable. The Netherlands has traditionally been known as a country that looks after its citizens, in many cases, a little too well, and the changing political and economic landscape means changes are necessary. The generous welfare system can no longer be afforded.

As an expat, this is a topic which fascinates me. I'm a linguist, and have been since I started secondary school, so the idea of moving to country and refusing to learn the national language seems odd to me personally. I started learning Dutch before I moved here, in fact I started trying to understand at least the basics as soon as I met my Dutch partner.

When I moved to the Netherlands in 2000 my command of Dutch was basic. And that is an understatement but I kept at it. In the first few months in my new land I job hunted. It's no surprise that without a competent level of Dutch my options were limited to international companies with a working language of English, of which there are surprisingly many in the big cities.

However, with no reasonable command of English or Dutch there is no way I would have been able to find a job in 2000 when I arrived. Had I refused to learn Dutch at that time and therefore reduced my job opportunities significantly, would it have been reasonable to claim money from the Dutch government, from a system I had contributed nothing to? There seems to be only one fair answer to that.

If you search expat fora a common question from people thinking about moving here is, "Do I need to learn Dutch to live in the Netherlands?" And the answer is generally, "Not necessarily." This is because of the number of international organisations based in the country, plus the excellent linguistic skills of the Dutch population. But do those reasons make it right to move to a country and refuse to learn the local language?

I have my own opinions. I'm a linguist. I believe it is impossible to integrate into a society when you don't speak the local language. And no, it is not easy to operate in a second language. There are many personal and cultural situations that make learning Dutch (or any other language) an uphill battle but a flat out refusal to make any attempt to speak Dutch certainly doesn't make a fruitful life overseas particularly viable, in my opinion.

Should benefits be reduced for those refusing to take and then pass a Dutch language course? The answer to that is not a straightforward yes or no. I can perfectly understand the argument to reduce hand outs to those refusing to help themselves in the job market, or who point blank do nothing to help themselves be employable - and that is not just based on the ability to speak the national language. However, there are also some genuine situations where I can imagine it is extremely difficult to reach a competent level in a second language and thus withdrawing benefits would have dire consequences.

It remains a well-debated topic, not just here in the Netherlands, but around the world. Over to you - I would love to hear your thoughts.

Should those moving to the Netherlands make every effort to learn Dutch? Should welfare benefits be reduced for those refusing to learn a local language? Is the same debate raging in the country you call home?

NoGuPoMo: Being A Bilingual Parent by Dad's The Way I Like It

I am delighted to be able to share a father's story here about raising a bilingual child in Wales. I'm delighted for two reasons: firstly it's nice to get a father's perspective and secondly my grandmother is Welsh, as is my father. I have lots of family living in Wales who speak Welsh so this is a particularly interesting post on a personal level too. Growing up my Dad used to try and add a few Welsh words to our vocabulary, always telling us to shut the door in Welsh (cau'r drws) and getting us to count to three (un, dou, tri,) which sounded like 'in the tree' to us......

And so with no further ado it's over to Jonathan of Dad's the way I like it.

Welsh School Text Book
Photo Credit: C Hargraves

"Learning any language can involve a fun journey and a few challenges along the way. With learning Welsh, minor milestones that stick out in my mind include things like the first time I left a voicemail message in Welsh, being brave enough to select ‘Cymraeg’ (Welsh) as the language to use on ATM machine and running a Welsh language football podcast for about a year.

I moved to Wales in 2007 and live in an area where the majority of the locals speak Welsh as their first language. I’ve learnt the language thanks to Welsh for Adults courses available at the university where I work and regularly use Welsh in my working life. However, it felt like I was starting off on a new journey once we decided to raise our son bilingually. Indeed, it has been an exciting journey for both myself and my wife that has brought with it some exciting challenges and opportunities.

When reading about bilingualism before our son’s birth, I was struck by the number of different ways in which children can be brought up bilingually and the different dynamics this can involve. Colin Baker’s book A Parent’s and Teacher’s Guide to Bilingualism was a real eye-opener and full of useful tips for a range of situations.

As I am from Scotland and my wife is from England, our decision to bring up our son in Welsh wasn’t motivated by a desire to pass on a culture and a language that had been a part of our own upbringing. What we wanted was for Welsh and English to be part of his upbringing so as he could be fluent in both the native languages of Wales and become aware of the importance of both within Welsh culture. As Welsh is the first language of the majority of people in our village and the local area, it seemed the logical thing to do.

For me, becoming a bilingual parent has helped to enrich my Welsh vocabulary with words and expressions that I hadn’t ever learnt in classes. Some friends kindly gave us a book entitled Magu’r Babi: Speaking Welsh with Children that features entire sections on topics such as ‘Codi gwynt’ (bring up wind), ‘Taflu i fyny’ (throwing up) and ‘Cosi traed’ (tickling feet). Thankfully we haven’t had to use phrases from the second of those three categories too frequently so far!

Bringing up our son in Welsh as well as English has also meant that both my wife and I have been trying to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes. There are some that we have come across that are basically just Welsh versions of popular English nursery rhymes such as ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’.

In some ways, I feel that singing Welsh versions of nursery rhymes that exist in English is almost cheating so I’m keen to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes that don’t seem to have English equivalents  such as ‘Dau gi bach’ (Two Small Dogs). I’ve already purchased two CDs of nursery rhymes in Welsh that I have been listening to in the car on the way to work. With it being quite at the moment and having to roll the windows down, I think I could easily end up embarrassing myself if I start singing along too loudly!

My wife has got a bit of  a head start on me with the nursery rhymes as she’s been going along to a ‘Cymraeg o’r Crud‘ (Welsh from the Cradle) course that is aimed at people who speak little Welsh themselves but want to be able to use it with their baby. It seems like fun too as the classes often involve arts and crafts as well.

These classes and indeed becoming a mum, have been a real spur for my wife to learn more Welsh. As

Welsh School Book
Photo Credit: C Hargraves

she hasn’t got to know as many Welsh speakers through work, she hasn’t had the same source of motivation as I’ve had. From the day of my staff induction at Bangor University, I learnt about the status and importance of the Welsh language and started learning Welsh within a matter of weeks.

For me, learning Welsh has provided all sorts of opportunities that I would have not had access to had I not decided to learn the language. For example, I have become interested in the local music scene and been able to follow a Welsh language drama series called Rownd a Rownd that is filmed in a village where I lived for three years. Almost two years ago, I also made an appearance on Welsh language television channel S4C in a comedy sketch show where I had to speak French to a plastic pigeon.

I hope that my son and indeed my wife will discover all sorts of fun and exciting opportunities through learning Welsh just as I have. In a few weeks time, we will all be going to the Eisteddfod Genedlaethol (a week long annual Welsh speaking cultural festival). To mark the occasion, I’ll be doing a bilingual (Welsh and English) blog post about this and my initial experiences of speaking Welsh to our son."

This post is republished with kind permission from Dad's the way I like it. You can connect with Dad's the way I like it on his Facebook page or on Google+.

How To Get Your Children to Fall in Love with Reading

I read an article last week about boys falling behind girls in school and particularly when it comes to reading. I am a writer, therefore I read. I read a lot. Whilst I don't quite have the time to read like I used to pre-motherhood I still try and get through as many books as I can. If you want your kids to read, then be a role model for them, let them see you reading for pleasure. I encourage my three sons to look at books as much as possible and so far it has paid off - my sons love looking at books and it is fun to watch my eldest enthusiastically start his reading journey.

"Kids with parents who read for pleasure are six times more likely to do so themselves -- and their grades shoot up. Which is why I talk about the books I love, and ask kids about their favorites, every chance I get." Lisa Bloom (Author, 'Swagger: 10 Urgent Rules for Raising Boys in an Era of Failing Schools, Mass Joblessness and Thug Culture')

I was quite shocked to read that boys have a tendency to think that reading is a girl's thing and I intend to do everything in my power to make sure my three sons continue to think that reading is the most natural thing in the world and I want to keep them interested in it as a foundation for later years. Not only are their language skills enhanced, reading also provides fun moments and important relaxation for children who tend to be hopping from one extra-curriculum activity to another.

Story Time
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Books are an important part of our home. To get children looking at books the most important thing is make them accessible. We have a bookcase in our front room and the bottom two shelves are filled with books for the children. Even our 19 month old shuffles over to the bookcase, grabs himself a book, toddles over to the sofa and inelegantly hoists himself up to sit so he can thumb through his book. When he's finished he throws the book on the floor or table and returns to the bookcase for another book. (We're working on the last stage of this with him......)

My eldest two often sit with a book for a few minutes before we leave for school in the mornings and discuss the size of dinosaurs, the meaness of the look on a T-Rex's face or how fast Thomas the Tank Engine can go around Sodor.

They also each have a bookshelf in their room with English and Dutch language books, and we keep books on hand in the car to entertain them on longer journeys. They never have the excuse that they can't get to a book!

To keep children interested, you can put a basket of books under the coffee table filled with topically themed book. Gather books about summer as warmer days come to greet us, or about autumn as the leaves turn to beautiful shades of red and start tumbling to the ground, or put a basket of Christmas related books under the Christmas tree - keeping a theme going makes reading particularly relevant to the children. You can also match the book theme to projects the children are working on in school, or for pre-schoolers events or celebrations that effect them such as potty training, birthdays or an impending house or country move.

Story time also gets children buzzing about books in our house. If you make story time an event it not only provides cosy family moments to cherish, but also shows children how fun and uniting books can be. In the summertime grab a blanket and an ice cream and sit under the shade of a tree with a book and read to your kids. Last Christmastime the five of us gathered around the dining table, illuminated only by candlelight, holding our mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows and listened to papa reading "De Kleine Kerstman" (Santa's Littlest Helper). The kids loved it and were a captive audience. And we did too. And as a bonus, you show your sons that reading is not a girly activity if dad is the one doing the reading.

Use books as the basis for other activities
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Using books as the foundation for other activities is also popular in our house. My three year old and I recently sat and read The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle together. Then we grabbed play dough and made the caterpillar and the food he ate through. My pre-schooler loved it. There are so many wonderful, creative websites out there that can give you ideas - one of my favourites is The Imagination Tree.

I also recently had the pleasure of reviewing Giselle Shardlow's kid's yoga book Luke's Beach Day: A Fun and Educational Kids Yoga Story and we had a lot of fun going through this book together - reading and then trying out the yoga positions. Such activity books are a great way to get kids falling in love with books.

If you are lucky enough to still have a local library then make use of it. It has a real sense of an outing for my children when we say we're going to the library to choose some books. It's a great way to build on the fleeting interests that children suddenly have. My six year old has become fascinated with dinosaurs so we took him to the library to check some books out. He loved choosing them and his library membership is free. Many libraries also have a regular story time for toddlers which is great fun for them, and makes the idea of books and reading natural from the start.

Some of our family favourites:

Dutch Language Lessons from My Six Year Old

My six year old son announced this morning from his sick bed,

"Mama, there are some Dutch words you can't say properly because you're English."

One topical example is sneeuw. Unless I pull a funny face and attempt to say 'snow' like the British Queen I can't quite get the right sound in Dutch. I also have a real issue with moeite.

I didn't ask him for a comprehensive list. Having my Dutch language skills corrected by my child is not on my parenting bucket list but it is a fact of life. What is really fun to think about is that in a couple of years I will have three little language critiques to deal with......

Sharing our Roots - an interview with Charlie Raemakers

Continuing the series about passing on culture and traditions to children who were born or who live in a different birth country to one or both parents -  this week Charlie Raemakers shares her experiences.

Charlie was born in Scotland and currently lives in Hollands Kroon in the Netherlands. She has two children who were born in England and Scotland. Her eldest is six and her youngest is five and they had just turned three and two respectively when the family moved to the Netherlands. Both children have British nationality but the intention is to obtain dual nationality for both of them now that they are living in the Netherlands (their father is Dutch).

Charlie has no doubts at all that it is important that her children know about Britain, despite moving away,

"My nationality, language, heritage and culture are all very much part of who I am and therefore part of who my children are. When we lived in the UK I also felt very strongly that they knew about the Dutch culture and language (my husband is Dutch).  Traditions across the nations are so diverse and for us family is very important, so I think for our children to be able to share in the traditions with their families on both sides of the North sea and to be able to communicate with both sides of the family is part of the glue that keeps us all bonded and connected."

With this in mind, Charlie has a solid plan for sharing the British culture, traditions and holidays with her children,

"During the big holidays such as Christmas, Halloween & bonfire night it is relatively easy to continue the traditions I grew up with. Once Sinterklaas has been and gone we start to focus on the count down to Christmas.

The tree goes up, the kids help to decorate it, they write to santa with their wish list.  They always get a personal message from Santa in the week before Christmas via the Portable North Pole website and we track Santa on Norad on Christmas eve.  They put out milk and cookies for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer, hang their stockings up and always find new pyjamas on their pillow that the elves have sneaked in whilst they are having a bath.  We put reindeer food (oats with glitter) out on the street so the reindeer know where to land.  They hang a sock on the end of their bed in which they always find a satsuma and chocolate coins on Christmas morning."

Charlie also makes sure that the Christmas meal remains a British tradition, even if it means scouring the shops for ingredients and asking for the help of family. She explains,

"I have gone to great lengths in the past to source a turkey for Christmas day and always manage to get hold of parsnips.  These are things that are not easy to come across in the Netherlands but so far, every year we have had a traditional British Christmas. I have been sent Christmas crackers every year as well, so you will find us all sitting at the table wearing our paper crowns listening to the Christmas hits I grew up with. We went back to Scotland last year for Christmas, I couldn't wait to take them to a grotto to meet Santa and have all of the family around over the festive period - so magical for the boys!"

Christmas is not the only holiday that Charlie shares with her children. Whilst Halloween is growing in popularity in the Netherlands, it's not yet marked on the same level as in Britain.

"Last year I threw a halloween party for the kids and their friends. My mum was visiting so we decorated the house with cobwebs and spooky banners and went to a lot of effort with the food to make it as gory as possible.  Mum also brought some halloween decorations over and my Dutch mother in law, who now lives in the UK, sent a box of halloween goodies over.  We did "dooking for apples", ate candy apples, listened to halloween mash ups and played games and of course dressed up.  For the Dutch kids & our adult friends this was their first taste of Halloween and everybody really enjoyed it. I love the fact that our traditions aren't just about us and our family but they are stretching out into our friends lives as well."

Charlie raises an interesting point. When expats travel they not only learn about a new culture, but they share their own cultures with new people. November 5th is a special day in Britain, but it means nothing to the Dutch. Dutch friends and family, as well as the children, are often eager to learn about the origins of Bonfire night too. Charlie makes sure it's marked in her household, even if it isn't easy,

Hard to celebrate Bonfire night abroad - but sparklers
are always a hit
Photo Credit: Jenny Sliwinski

"Bonfire night is tricky because legally you can only set off fireworks on December 31st in the Netherlands.  Sparklers however are easy to come across and we talk about Guy Fawkes and look at bonfire videos on You Tube."

Sharing holidays, traditions and culture is not always straight forward. Sometimes it clashes with what the children already know and like,

"For Burns night I had a tin of haggis I bought from a deli in Scotland...nobody liked it though, except for me! On shrove Tuesday (pancake day in the UK) I decided to make a batch of scotch pancakes in place of the traditional Dutch ones we eat most of the time.  I put a load of sweet toppings on the table... sugar, jam, lemon, golden syrup.  My youngest son was appalled that I would dare put such tiny pancakes on the table and defiantly declared "Where is the cheese and icing sugar?" but hey, you can't win them all!"

Like Vinita Salome, Charlie finds that food and tastes are an important way to share her culture with her family. British food is often served in the Raemaker household,

There's not much more English than scones!
Photo credit: Ariel C

"I love nothing better than spending a Sunday afternoon in the kitchen preparing a big roast dinner. Again this is something I have initiated my Dutch friends and family into. From time to time I make stovies, shepherds pie, mince and tatties and chicken pie. We bake scones every now and then too."

Whilst Charlie is raising her children with an understanding of their roots, she believes it is also important to stay faithful to their Dutch heritage. With that in mind when Charlie got married in 2011 the wedding represented the family's dual background,

"In October 2011, after nearly 11 years together my partner and I got married. We decided to get married in Scotland, in a big castle near Edinburgh. We had a traditional Scottish wedding with some Dutch twists; there was a Scottish piper, the kids and my Scottish family wore kilts, there was a pipe band in the evening, a ceiligh band and lots of Scottish dancing. We had traditional Scottish and Dutch food, there was a Scottish and a Dutch flag flying on the masts and the kids were totally immersed in the Scottish culture but with a reminder here and there of their Dutch roots too. The master of ceremonies introduced everything in English & Dutch and my in-laws conducted their speech in English & Dutch as well.  The best thing about that weekend was having all of the children's Dutch & Scottish family together and the two cultures intertwining for a day."

Sharing culture on a daily basis is a little trickier but with the help of TV, books and the internet Charlie has the tools on hand to make sure her children are keeping up with the English language,

"My kids watch CBBC (the BBC's children's channel) and I have some fantastic Scottish kids books, such as Rory McGrory, Clan Mingen and a horrible histories of Scotland book.  With supervision You Tube is a fantastic source of information for young kids and great for watching retro british cartoons, such as Super Ted, Banana Man, Desperate Dan and the Funny Bones.  My kids watch these so that they are regularly immersed in the English language."

Television also beams British events directly into the family living room, allowing the children to witness historic happenings that they otherwise would miss. Charlie explains,

"The last couple of years have been very exciting times in the UK, with the Royal wedding, the Queens diamond jubilee and the 2012 Olympics. We have followed all of these events on the telly, watched videos on You Tube and discussed these events."

The family are lucky enough to welcome lots of visitors from the UK, including lots of young children so the Raemaker children have plenty of opportunity to mix with other British people. There is an annual trip back to the UK too.

Raising children in a country you were not born in brings with it many challenges. One such challenge centres around raising children to be at least bilingual. The children lead the way according to Charlie,

"I speak English with the kids and they answer back in Dutch.  However when other English speaking people are visiting they switch to English easily, which is always a relief because they speak so little English at home.  What I have learned from raising bilingual children is that they go through phases of preferring one language or the other but when they NEED to speak English they do it, fluently."

Another challenge Charlie has faced is that parenting overseas often demands adaptation from at least one parent to deal with cultural differences and that often requires a change in mindset.

"One of the biggest challenges I have faced has been learning about the education system my kids are going through, it is very different to the system I grew up in," says Charlie.

The abundance of water in the Netherlands requires
a change in mindset from expat parents
Photo Credit: A van Mulligen

"I have had to abandon a bit of my Britishness when it comes to molly cuddling kids.  Here the kids have so much freedom from a young age and there isn't the same health & safety mentality that there is in the UK. I found I had to be more relaxed about what my kids can and can't do.  Í frequently mutter to myself 'that would never be allowed in the UK' especially at soft play centres and swimming pools.  A good example is that we live a few paces from a waterway and there is a play park for young children on a decking over the water!"

Despite being eager to ensure that her children know about the country they were born in, the country she grew up in, she has no reservations about immersing herself in her Dutch life and making sure the Netherlands feels like home to them all. But it is something she has had to work at by putting herself forward and stepping outside her comfort zone.

"I am a stay at home mum so getting out and meeting people and socialising with the kids was very difficult for the first ten months before my eldest started school.  Communication was difficult and I always had to take my husband to things like parents evenings.  Being the 'foreigner' on the playground felt very strange at first as well and I really struggled in the first year. I was always self conscious when I spoke Dutch so kept my head down a lot.

Within a year that changed, I grew in confidence and my language skills improved very quickly.  It is so so so important to learn the language of your new country, otherwise you are totally isolated and I can imagine after a couple of years you end up very miserable.

We have lived here for three years now.  I speak the language fluently, I get involved with everything going on at school and throw myself into taking part in all of the Dutch traditions and festivities throughout the year.  I was class mother last year and I give English lessons at school (on a voluntary basis).  I have made a fantastic circle of friends, both mothers at school, neighbours and some of my husbands colleagues.  There have of course been challenges along the way, moving abroad is never going to be easy.  But with some determination and good support at home from my lovely husband I really feel we have found our place here."