10 Reasons To Love Being Knocked Up in the Netherlands

Being pregnant anywhere is a mixed bag of emotions from elation to sickness. Raising children abroad is both amazing and challenging wrapped up in one awkward shaped parcel. If you are knocked up in the Netherlands though you have many reasons to count yourself lucky. Here are ten.

1. Pregnancy is not seen as a disease 

When that cross appears after you've peed on that stick you aren't ferried off to the nearest doctor or hospital. Instead you choose a midwife and, if all is progressing well with your pregnancy, you have all your pre-natal appointments with your midwife.

2. You may give birth where you like

Around a third of births in the Netherlands are home births. You can choose a hospital if you wish, or even a kraamhotel - a birthing hotel, or you may opt for a home birth. Unless there is a medical reason (in which case you must give birth in a hospital) you are free to choose where you give birth.

3. You get a box of goodies sent to your house

As you near the end of your pregnancy you will receive a kraampakket, sent by your health insurer. Okay so there's a naval clamp in there, alcohol of the none drinking kind, more mattress protectors than is healthy to wonder about, and lots of cotton wool related items for soaking up the mess. But hey you still get to feel like a kid at Christmas when a big box arrives with your name on it. Just don't try and work out what it is all for......

4. Nobody bats an eye when you are still cycling 8 months into your pregnancy

Nothing, and I mean nothing, separates the Dutch from their bikes. Growing a baby in your buik is not a valid reason to stop cycling - in fact the advice is keep moving - you are having a baby, you're not ill! See reason number 1....

5. The Netherlands is child friendly 

It is seriously child friendly. There are playgrounds on every corner. There are schools in every direction you walk. The country is littered with pancake restaurants. Do I need to go on?

6. The Dutch are raising some of the happiest children in the world 

If you could pick any country in the world to raise your children you could do far worse than the Netherlands. Year after year the Dutch come out around the top of happiness surveys, with children showing the rest of us just how happy you can be.

7. You get kinderbijslag 

That's child allowance to you and me. If you live or work in the Netherlands and have children under the age of eighteen then you are probably entitled to child allowance, paid quarterly directly into your bank account. It helps. It really does.

8. Your cupboards fill up with chocolate things

It's near on impossible to raise children in the Netherlands without ending up with hagelslag (sprinkles) and chocolate spread stocked in your kitchen cupboards. I tried to resist. For years I was strong. But the peer pressure is strong and eventually you will succumb. It all goes on bread. Just go with it.

9. You live with mini language teachers

Your children will speak better Dutch than you by the time they are three years old. And they are proud to let you know that by correcting EVERY. DAMN. THING. YOU. SAY.

10. Kraamzorg
I left the best for last. Kraamzorg - a maternity nurse in your home after the birth. I love, love, love kraamzorg. In my humble opinion it should be made illegal for countries not to provide new mothers with kraamzorg. But hey, who am I? I have experienced kraamzorg three times (I also wrote about it in Dutched Up!), and every time was a unique, but amazing experience.

If you want to read more about kraamzorg then get your copy of Knocked Up Abroad Again. My story tells much more about the best thing about a Dutch birth.

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Saying Goodbye to My Consultatiebureau

“I started working here eight years ago and I can still remember the day you walked in for the very first time – a newborn baby in your arms. A brand new mother,” said the lady at the front desk of the consultatiebureau to me at the end of my last visit.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have set foot inside my local consultatiebureau since 2007. But the woman who has weighed and measured all three of my sons over the space of eight years gave me reason to stop and reflect on my visits there; the same woman who remembers the name of my eldest son despite his last consultatiebureau visit being four years ago.

Parenting Lessons Watching ADO Den Haag

Last August I took my eldest two sons to their first eredivisie match at the Kyocera Stadion in The Hague. We’ve been to most home games since.

It’s reminiscent of my own footballing childhood; from the age of seven I stood on the terraces of my local football club at Vicarage Road. Up until I left England in 2000, at the tender age of 27, I was a serial season ticket holder at Watford Football Club.

Cultural Attitudes to Chicken Pox Around the World

A few weeks ago spots suddenly appeared on my youngest son's neck and chest. There was a pox on our house, and it didn't come or leave quietly. In fact, he was really sick and his entire body was covered in chicken pox, including inside his mouth and even in his throat. At the end of last week my middle son developed the uncomfortable rash too and as I write he is home from school. Interestingly enough, I soon learnt that the Dutch have a different attitude to chicken pox than some other nations.

Are You Parenting Dutch Style?

Has raising your children in the Netherlands rubbed off on your parenting style? Does seeing the letters HAVO make you frown in confusion or smile in recognition? How do your children get to school? What food constitutes breakfast in your house?

My latest article for Amsterdam Mamas will help you decide just how far you've gone and got yourself ingeburgerd.

Here are ten signs you are parenting Dutch-style.

Dutch Football, Racism and The Wisdom of a Child

Dutch football has been tarred with scandal over the last few weeks and my local eredivisie club is no exception. When racism reared its ugly head at ADO Den Haag in January I decided to use it as a teachable moment for my eldest son.  As it turns out it was a teachable moment he didn't need - if only some other football supporters had the The Wisdom of a Child!

"(ADO Den Haag football club) is a community that was caught up in a scandal in January when a handful of fans chanted racist and insulting slurs against Ajax. There were two appeals over the loudspeaker to stop. It didn’t. It was disturbing. It was uncomfortable. This was happening at my club. Our club. I left the stadium with a bad taste in my mouth that, for once, wasn’t attributable to ADO’s defeat or on pitch performance." 

Head over to Passionate Parenting to read my latest article in its entirety......

Sticker Kid Name Labels (With Discount)

I have three boys in three different classes at school. That means there are a lot of belongings flying around outside our home: lunch boxes, beakers, coats, gym clothes, school bags, scarves, hats, and the peskiest of all, gloves. And I have to ask where something is on a weekly basis when my children come bounding out of school at lunchtime or home time.

So my sons have labels and stickers on everything they own. They are actually lucky I haven't covered them in name labels......

The latest stickers I've gotten my paws on are from Stickerkid, a Swiss company that operates worldwide. I ordered a starter pack that contains 94 stickers: 60 name labels for practically all non-clothes items, that can withstand the microwave and dishwasher and freezer, 20 iron on clothes stickers and my favourite, 14 shoe stickers. The latter came in particularly handy with the children having to leave their shoes everywhere for Sinterklaas......

They have name labels for just about anything you could imagine! And all those stickers are a great stocking filler idea for older kids......

If you'd like to get your hands on your own supply of Stickerkid labels head over to their website and

get a 10% discount on your order simply by using the code: 

10discountSGSTICKERKID

*This is a sponsored post. I received the starter pack of stickers free to test and review. I receive no further compensation for any items purchased.*

Bonbon Break & Buckets - Helping my Highly Sensitive Children Carry Their Emotion

In March, Bonbon Break asked for submissions relating to the theme of "Fill your Bucket"in association with Our Pact. Anyone that has been following the "highly sensitive" aspect of my blogging will know that I LOVE buckets so I happily obliged.

I was delighted when my piece 'Helping my Highly Sensitive Children Carry Their Emotions' was chosen to be published.

I am even more delighted that it has been shared 1.5k times to date - and if you feel the urge to contribute to that total then be my guest.

"I see his little head bobbing in a sea of infants; his teacher spots me and shakes his small hand, giving him unspoken permission to go to me. I watch my son’s face and can instantly tell he is fighting tears. I know by the look on his face that his morning in school has been too much for him." 

Go to Bonbon Break to read on.

6 Reasons I'm Happy I'm Raising Children in the Netherlands

I live in a country where children generally fare well in happiness surveys and Dutch children always rate much higher in the happiness stakes than British children ever do.

It's no coincidence that the Dutch shine through in reports such as the UN's World Happiness Report. From what I see around me, the Dutch work consciously to raise happy, healthy, independent children* and I consider myself lucky to be raising three children here.

So, for the record, here are my six reasons why I'm happy I'm raising my children in the Netherlands.

1. School Allows Children to be Children

Dutch children are allowed to concentrate on what they do best: they are given plenty of time for the important job of play. Even though the majority of Dutch children start school at the age of 4 (though not mandatory until age 5) the theme running through their days remains 'play'. They learn through play (spelenderwijs leren) and only when they start in group 3 (when they are 6 or 7) is there any pressure on them to formally start reading and writing. The foundation is laid in the earlier school years whilst there are no expectations of them. By the time they reach group 3 most children have learnt the basics of reading and writing in a playful, 'no pressure' manner.

My experience is that the focus in groups 1 and 2 of our little Dutch school is to help children work self sufficiently, to raise their social awareness, learn how to co-operate in a group, to look after and out for each other. These are the years that my children learn that there are rules and boundaries outside of their home too, in a classroom. But they learn this in a safe, respectful, playful way. 

My four year old has day and week tasks that consist of things like finger painting an autumn tree and building a hut with blocks. He proudly tells me how hard he has worked, how he has completed his week tasks and yet, in reality, he has spent the week creating and playing. Oh, and learning. 

Their future is not mapped out by the age of four.

My children will only start getting homework when they move to group 6. Yes, my eldest is asked to practice his times tables at home, and in group 1 and 2 he took bear home and (mama) had to write about what bear had done over the weekend, but hours of maths and language homework after school? No, not until he is nine or ten, and even then it is given in moderation. 

This gives my children time to do what they do best; they come home from school and play. Which brings me nicely to my second reason. 

2. An Outdoor Culture

The Dutch are outdoor people. And so are their children. If they are not cycling they are on steps, skateboards or roller skates. In winter they are on sledges or ice skates.

Children are encouraged to play on the streets in residential areas (where traffic signs indicate children are at play and the speed limit is severely reduced).

My children love being outdoors, love being active in all sorts of weather. It reminds me of my own childhood in Britain in the 1980s, when we entertained ourselves out on the street with nothing but our imaginations, or perhaps a ball and our bikes.

3. Child Friendly Society

We don't have to walk far in our neighborhood to stumble over yet another children's playground or park. They are all small scale but varied and numerous. If we really wanted to, we could visit a different playground on foot each day of the week. Neighbourhoods are designed with children in mind.

Similarly, many restaurants are child friendly and the amount of amusement parks, animal parks and children's attractions across the Netherlands is just staggering for such a small country. There's more than enough to entertain children of all ages.

4. A Sense of Community

Like many playgrounds, Dutch primary schools are also small scale, but numerous, and children usually attend a school close to home. School catchment areas are generally quite small (but not fixed - if you want to send your child to a school further away you may).

This means that school runs are generally done on foot or by bike, and when primary school children are older it gives them a sense of independence that children don't feel being ferried to school in big cars, the type you see clogging up the roads around the schools in England.

I like that the Dutch tend to keep things local. My children go to school with children they live near. After school children play together in the local playgrounds with their classmates. It gives a sense of community. Work together, play together.

5. Dutch State

The importance of family filters down from the politicians. There are various state benefits for families with children: subsidies for child care as well as child benefit payments. State education is free. The Dutch youth care system is wide and varying - and in most cases the services are free.

It starts from birth with help from kraamzorg and continues with visits to the consultatiebureau, which, love it or hate it, is undeniably a unique service for parents. The system may not be perfect, but whenever I have needed a helping hand as a parent I've had welcome support. Even though I am an expat with a small family support network, I feel like I have people to lean on if I need it, because of the Dutch youth system.

This could easily be the motto of the Dutch when it comes to raising children

6. Work Life Balance

Last but absolutely not least, the focus on striking a balance between working and family life is extensive. Putting the emphasis on family life is ingrained in Dutch society.

More than a fair share of the working population works part-time, predominantly women, all with the aim of being around for their children and working around school hours. Again, love it or loathe it it is how it is. I happen to love it.

Parents, whatever their situation, need to find a work and family balance that works for them and the Dutch attitude and family culture means that parents have options.

Children have parents that, in general, have the opportunities and time to be present and involved.

It's Not Hagelslag, It's Attitude

So, my belief is that the happiness of Dutch children has nothing to do with hagelslag (sprinkles) on bread for breakfast as others have lightheartedly suggested, rather it stems from an attitude, a deep ingrained culture that focuses on children and allows them to make the most of childhood.

Dutch parents around me don't put pressure on their children to grow up fast. Instead, they give them permission to be children for as long as possible and not worry about their future at a young age. I recently read a few articles about American parents pressuring their children to excel in many fields from a young age, both in and out of school, children that have an after school activity schedule that would make most Dutch children's eyes water.

It's true that the Dutch have a reputation for being liberal, a bit too liberal on some matters in some culture's eyes, but what I see is an openness and a manner of carefully considered parenting that seems to work, which seems to foster independent children that feel listened to, that feel valued. Ones that are keen to tell researchers who care to ask that they are happy with their lot.

So, I for one intend to keep watching the parenting examples around me, and dish out good doses of Dutch parenting to my three sons. Hopefully, one day, when a UN researcher asks them questions for her World Happiness Report they'll be as positive in their answers as the children that have gone before them.

What do you think makes Dutch children fare so well in happiness studies?Does the parenting culture in your host country differ widely to that in your birth country? Is the local parenting culture where you live something you aspire to?

*It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, that Dutch society has it's share of problems, and that includes the lives of some children too. Some Dutch children live in poverty, some Dutch children live with absent parents, some Dutch children are deeply unhappy. I am in no way suggesting with this post that all Dutch children are ecstatically happy. However, there is a general culture related to parenting that I see every day around me. And that is the essence of this post.*

5 Things to Do Before You Become a Parent

 I have three children aged nine, six and four. I know what I am talking about when I say there are things you should do before you become parents. Five things to be exact.

1. SLEEP

Seriously, I wish someone had told me how much sleep you lose during the first decade of a child's life and particularly during that first year after becoming a mother. Mind you, had I known then what I know now I might have slept through my entire 20s and missed that decade.

They sleep, but not for long.

Sleep when you can, lie in on a weekend, spend lazy Sunday mornings (to hell with it, and afternoons) eating breakfast in bed and, reading great books and watching fabulous movies. By the time your days are filled with nappies, milk feeds and rocking a baby sleep is a distant memory.

2. TRAVEL

You don't travel light with a baby or toddler in tow. In fact, if you've got any sanity left you just won't bother travelling at all.

Entertaining a hungry, cranky, bored toddler waiting for an overdue flight in a busy holiday shouldn't be on any sane person's wish list. And long haul flights? Baahahhaaa. It's why the local motorways are blocked up in the summer holidays with cars filled with car seats and little people, and every possible item you could never imagine you needed before you became parents packed in every other spare centimetre of car space.

So, before you have a baby go see the world, spread your wings and enjoy what the world has to offer - it will be a decade or more before that idea becomes fun again.

Trust your instinct and ditch the parenting books

3. DITCH THE PARENTING BOOKS
Once you know you'll imminently become a parent there is an urge to run out and buy, borrow or read every parenting book you can get your hands on. Don't.

One thing the books can't teach you is this: trust your instinct. A mother's instinct is the most powerful tool at your disposal. Once you are a parent, you can better understand your own parenting style and then seek out reading material as an aide, or other people with the same parenting philosophy. Reading every book or article with the word parent in the title before that time will only confuse, upset and mystify you. There is conflicting advice everywhere you look so let your instinct guide you in the right direction.

4. READ

I know, I just said ditch the parenting books but I'm talking about other reading material, the reading that you have always wanted to do. Now is the time to grab those classics on your reading bucket list. Now is the time to make the most of your favourite magazine subscription. Sign up at your local library and make your library card work for you.

Enjoy the peace, quiet and time that you have before a baby arrives. Trust me, you won't pick up another non-parenting book until long after your baby has turned one.

5. PREPARE FOR A LIFETIME OF CHANGE

Life will never be the same again.

That is easy for me to say of course, I have three children. I know the before children and the after kids life very well indeed but before you actually have a baby it's hard to imagine all the ways life will change but, let me assure you,  nothing in your life post kids will ever be the same again.

Your living room turns into one giant play room. There are potties and toilet training seats filling bathrooms and the downstairs loo. Your dining room floor always looks as if a food fight has just taken place (and usually it has, just not in the same way as during those fun student days). Your garden is filled with plastic houses, slides and balls and the beautiful flowers you plant last one hour after they have bloomed before they are plucked by chubby little hands.

But the biggest change of all is not inside your house. It's inside you. From the moment you become a parent your heart is filled with unconditional love. You will have no idea where this love comes from but it is all consuming. You are no longer responsible for just one person on this planet, and that feeling is overwhelming. Welcome to parenthood. Life will never be the same again.

Life will be better. So much better. Even without sleeping and travelling and reading, without peace and quiet and even though your home no longer feels like a sanctuary, life will be better. Because you have a little hand to hold, a little person to lead through life. Because you are somebody's mama.

What would you add to the list? What should you do before you become parents? 


 If you want to read more about parenting abroad head over to support Knocked Up Abroad on Kickstarter and buy a pre-release copy of the book!

24 Things I Spend my Days Saying as the Mother of Three Boys

Nobody warned me before I became a mother about the sentences that would come out of my mouth once I had children. Nobody told me about the words I would utter being a parent to boys. Nobody thought to enlighten me about the bizarre topics of conversation that would become commonplace in a house with three boys aged seven, four and two. Nobody. So let me be the one to forewarn you – this is what mothers of young boys really spend their days saying:

1. “Have you done a poo? No? Really? Why do you smell like that then?”

2. “Which one of you has eaten the toilet roll this time? I just put a new roll in there. Like half an hour ago.”

3. “Stop running from the garden through the living room in your muddy shoes.” And then three minutes later, “For the love of God, stop running from the garden through the living….” Repeat all summer long.

4. “Put your brother down, he’s not a doll.” Then screamed loudly, “Noooo, don’t put him down like that!”

5. “Why is the garden dug up?”

6. “What are you going to do with that slug?”

7. “Take that rope from around your brother’s neck. Right now.”

8. “Dirty underwear goes in the laundry basket, not under your bed.”

9. “Seriously no. Just no. You cannot have a snack, it’s been twenty minutes since you ate breakfast*/lunch*/dinner/a snack*.”

10. “Stop calling everyone a poophole.”

11. “Put your pants back on.”

12. “What do you say when you burp*/fart*/cough*/sneeze*/spit* in your brother’s face?”

13. “Did you flush the toilet? Did you wash your hands? Really, the toilet and tap working silently now are they? Let me feel your hands. Go back and wash your hands. With soap.”

14. “Green food is not poisonous.”

15. “What’s that in your hair? Weetabix? Great, it’s turned to cement.”

16. Don’t throw snails over the neighbour’s fence. And definitely not whilst they are sitting in their garden.”

17. “Slugs don’t go over the fence either.”

18. “Get a tissue. No, not your sleeve, a tissue. Don’t you dare put that in your mouth. So gross. It’s a bit late now for a tissue isn’t it?”

19. “Get your hands out of your trousers.”

20. “Of course you can’t find your gym shoes*/wallet*/swimming stuff*/bed*, your room looks like a bombsite.”

21. “No, strawberry flavoured sweets do not count as fruit.”

22. “Get the Fat Controller out of your mouth.”

23. “Put your bum on your chair before you fall and break your neck.”

24. “Do you want to end up in hospital?” (As clarification, this is not a threat, merely a hint that what they are doing threatens their life or at least a limb.)

*delete/use interchangeably as appropriate

What have I missed? What odd things do you spend your days saying as a parent?

Lessons from a Highly Sensitive Mother: Empty Your Bucket

I was asked by Leila of Sensitive and Extraordinary Kids to write a guest post and I was more than happy to oblige.

One of the things I have been wanting to write about for a while, but hadn't quite got round to, was about how it feels to be a highly sensitive person launched into motherhood. Particularly when your first born is a highly sensitive child. 

What has been amazing is that the journey I have been on discovering that my eldest son is highly sensitive has led to more understanding of myself, and my needs. Unfortunately, seven years ago when I first became a mother, I had not started that particular journey and it felt like maybe I wasn't cut out for motherhood. 

"When my first son was born he cried a lot. Every evening around six o’clock for four or five hours, unless he was being held in exactly the right position. You could set your watch by it. And he wasn’t exactly a quiet baby during the day either."

Head over to Sensitive and Extraordinary Kids to read the whole post - and know that if you are a HS mother wondering how to cope you are certainly NOT alone.

You can read more about parenting a highly sensitive child on this blog here and last year I set up a Facebook group called Happy Sensitive Kids for parents just like me who are raising a HSC. It's a great group offering lots of support, ideas and well needed back slapping when things go right. 

Parenting Around the Planet: Parenting Dutch Style

I was delighted to be asked by Bod for Tea to write about what it is like to raise children as a Brit in the Netherlands.

It is only by putting pen to paper that I realised just how lucky I am to be able to parent here amongst the Dutch and I am constantly learning from those around me - just as I would be if I were raising my children in Britain. However, my examples here are different to those I would have in England - that is for sure.

To see what I mean head over to Bod for Tea and read my take on parenting Dutch style. I would love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts!

Expat Family Ties: Far Away but not Distant

I wrote a guest post for Your Expat Child on the topic of expats staying in touch with their extended family. Geography does not determine the success of a relationship. I know first hand and it's a subject very close to my heart.

"There is a saying that grandchildren are the reward for being a good parent. And many grandparents would certainly agree. But what if many miles separate your children and their grandparents? Does it mean the relationship will be distant too? Can you be an uncle if thousands of kilometres separate you from your nephews or nieces?........"

Head over to Your Expat Child to read more, and whilst you're there, stay a while and have a browse - it's a must read site if you are living or moving abroad with children.

Getting It Right The First Time

There's so much spinning around my head right now that it is hard to come up with one topic for a blog post that I can really get my teeth in to. It's hard to focus my energy and tackle one subject at a time.

Who knew parenting would be so hard? Who knew parenthood meant being the expert on so many matters without actually having the experience to back up the expert status? As my children get older I'm finding it harder to just wing it, difficult to take it day by day and hope my parenting choice was indeed the right option for my child. Because often, as it turns out, there was probably a better choice that could have been made. I hope my eldest son will not always end up being our family guinea pig; I hope we'll have done enough things right to help him be the best he can be, whatever he chooses to be.

I realise that parenting is a learning experience every single day. Parenting is the sharpest learning curve that exists. There is never a right or wrong answer when it comes to parenting. And each day that passes gives me the chance to be a better mother tomorrow. 

I also understand how being the mother of a baby was the easy part, even though it didn't feel like it at the time. The sleepless nights, the questions about feeding and worries about keeping a little bundle safe were all real. Alarmingly real. Yet looking back the challenges a newborn bring all seem manageable now. Third time around there are few doubts about your own abilities to look after and care for a newborn. 

Six years of parenting and it's still instinct and hoping
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Making the right choices for our six year old however is a whole new ball game. There is no precedent when I make decisions about my eldest son. I don't have experience to go on. Getting it wrong with my eldest with the knowledge that at least I'll get it right for my three year old is not a path I want to go down. I want to get it right the first time around. 

I've learnt that parenting is largely about trusting my instincts. Something needs to feel right. Parenting is a judgement call every time a decision is made. There is no right or wrong. There is no one right answer that fits all children. Each child is unique. With individual needs. With different operating instructions. Each requiring something different from our parenting toolbox, which only gets better equipped with each day that goes by.  

After six years on the parenting journey I've reached a point where I have to ask myself if I actually know what I am doing. Parenting is full of firsts. Even when you've seen a first day at school before with your eldest child, there comes another first day at school.....and another. Three children, three firsts. All different. And with each first I ask myself if we've done it right, if we've made the right decision. Do we need to up our game for the next time? Can we do better? 

And the answer to that is of course we can do better. We can probably always do better - with hindsight, experience, wisdom. I'm sure we'll find we could always have done something different. But it doesn't mean we didn't do it right the first time around. We'll always do our best the first time, the second time and the third time. And I'll keep hoping that it's enough. 

Different Expats, Different Challenges

It's school holidays here in the Netherlands and we've just got back from visiting friends in Prague. My friends are also Brits but are abroad for a work assignment for a couple of years. It was a stark reminder of how expat life is a varied thing indeed. Some become expats for the adventure, for some it's a move to be with a partner and for others it's for work.

Keeping children in touch with
their grandparents needs to
be worked at if you live abroad
Photo credit: Gokhan Okur

The different reasons for being an expat throws up different challenges for our children. My children are not actually expats themselves but I am. That means there are cultural and language issues to deal with. There are issues keeping in touch with grandparents and aunts and uncles that live overseas. The issues are more mine trying to understand a school system I did not go through, understanding a culture that is not mine. However, whilst they stand out sometimes, most aspects of life for my children are stable and consistent and not effected by my expat status.

For my friends in the Czech Republic almost every aspect of their lives is effected by their expat status. Their challenges are more related to providing their children with some kind of stability in another country, knowing that their stay there will come to an end. Their challenges include making a temporary dwelling that is not theirs a real home for the children. Expat life means the friendships their children make are temporary, and indeed the friendships they themselves make mean learning to say goodbye after a year or two. It's not an easy cycle to go through.

A temporary stay abroad also means a change of schools for the children and provides another challenge once the expat assignment ends, because it calls for the children to slot back in to the British state system. After being in small classes with a varied curriculum and an abundance of teachers how do you help children to adapt to classes of 30 plus and overstretched resources? The flip side of course is the gift of excellent education for at least two years in an environment the children are thriving in! And what an opportunity for children to go to school with such a mix of nationalities alongside them, in a cultural richness you won't find in national schooling. We arrived in Prague two days after the new Dutch king came to the throne. Thanks to the Dutch influence in her class, my friend's daughter knew all about Willem Alexander and Maxima, made crowns to mark the occasion and she proudly told us,

"The new Dutch queen is much better, because she's much prettier than the old one."

I'm pretty sure she would have known very little about this Dutch event had she still been in a British primary school.

Old Town Square, Prague
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

And on top of that what a rich culture Prague has to offer. A bustling city full of history and beauty. A surprise around every corner you turn in it's Old Town. What an amazing place for children (and their parents) to soak up and store in the memory bank. An expat life that surely enriches their children, but that inevitably comes with challenges. There are pros and cons to every decision we make. Different expats, different challenges.

Yes, expat life is a varied thing indeed but there is one common factor - we're raising the global citizens of the future!

What do you think? How does the reason for your expat status effect your children? Is it better for children to have the expat experiences and deal with the challenges as they arise or play it safe and avoid the big changes?

Dutch Language Lessons from My Six Year Old

My six year old son announced this morning from his sick bed,

"Mama, there are some Dutch words you can't say properly because you're English."

One topical example is sneeuw. Unless I pull a funny face and attempt to say 'snow' like the British Queen I can't quite get the right sound in Dutch. I also have a real issue with moeite.

I didn't ask him for a comprehensive list. Having my Dutch language skills corrected by my child is not on my parenting bucket list but it is a fact of life. What is really fun to think about is that in a couple of years I will have three little language critiques to deal with......

Third Culture Parenting – Parenting Outside Your Own Culture

I recently guest posted for Bringing up Brits on the topic of raising kids who were born in a different country to the one I was born in. I asked Meghan Peterson Fenn, author, expat and blogger, to reciprocate and guest post about life as an American bringing up children who are, in essence, British. What she had to say about parenting in the UK was an eye opener for me for sure. Over to Meghan......

Meghan Peterson Fenn

"Raising children can be difficult at the best of times. The way we parent is determined by many factors and our cultural environment and heritage are definitely important. I am an American mother raising my three children in the UK with a British husband. Because my children were born in England, I haven’t had the experience of bringing them up in the USA so it wasn’t until I visited my parents in my home country that I realised just how ‘English’ a mother I am.

The way I parent is greatly influenced by British parenting culture and although I try and put an American spin on some things, where possible, I am more of a British mother than an American mother.  Even though I did not grow up in England, nor am I a British national, the way I parent is certainly more English than American.

For example, it is not accepted to reprimand your child by spanking in the UK. In the USA, it is more accepted (spanking on the bottom – NOT hitting your child) and therefore more common and parents are not shocked when they hear of it or see it happening. I think it is actually illegal in the UK! It is also common practice to treat your child as an equal and as a friend in the UK. Parents are more tolerant in general whereas in the US, there are more definite rules and lines that children are not meant to cross and parents, in general are stricter than parents in the UK.

It is also not as acceptable in England to offer parenting advice to friends and family. This can be a real No No with some parents who take offence when offered suggestions or advice and view it as interfering rather than helpful. British people like their privacy and find it impolite to interfere. However, when asked directly, I’ve found they are happy to offer parenting advice. And similarly, when it’s done online where there is a layer of anonymity, British mothers are more open to giving and receiving parenting advice.

These are just a few examples of things I’ve come across while bringing up my children in Britain. What have you discovered? Are you like Amanda – British and raising children in the Netherlands? What challenges have you had regarding raising your children within a different parenting culture?

I very much consider myself to be a third culture parent and sometimes wish I had the strength and gumption to be more ‘American’ in my parenting style. But it’s hard to go against the flow especially when you want to fit in and make friends and you want your children to fit in and make friends as well. I know my mother thinks I don’t discipline my children at all and she thinks the British parenting style is far too relaxed. In the past, this has caused a few difficulties with our close relationship and has had a knock-on effect with her relationship with her British grandchildren.

There are those parents who parent however they see fit no matter where they live or what the parenting culture calls for. Look at the Tiger mother, for instance.

How much does our cultural setting influence the way we parent?  How does that effect our relationship with our children and our own families ‘back home’? I am also very influenced by my British husband and the way he parents. But I suppose that is another blog post topic altogether!"

If you want to learn more about Meghan Peterson Fenn, author of Bringing Up Brits: Expat Parents Raising Cross-Cultural Kids in Britain head over to www.bringingupbrits.co.uk. You can read an excerpt from her Bringing Up Brits book here.