Papa Day and Quashing A Myth About Dutch Workers

Play Day
Photo: (c) The Writing Well 

Today is 'papa day' in our house. Every other Wednesday my husband doesn't go to work. Instead he stays home to spend time with the kids and we make it a family day. We try not to let errands and obligations take over this day (which tends to happen at the weekend) and concentrate on playing with the kids, or taking them out for the day. Today has just been about spending time with them. Lots of creating with Duplo, playing 'shops' and spending some time in the local library.

This is quite a common thing in the Netherlands - I regularly hear 'papa dag' and it seems to work. The Dutch are masters at balancing work and family life. I have seen recent criticism from expats here that the Dutch are bordering on lazy and are barely in work. Fact is many Dutch breadwinners are in work before most of us have been woken by the irritating tones of the alarm clock. By lunchtime they have put it the bulk of their daily hours so when they leave the office at 4pm laziness and work shy don't come in to the equation.

In fact, the Dutch must be doing something right because in terms of work productivity they rate as one of the highest in the EU. And this whilst working fewer hours per week than most other countries. In happiness studies and surveys the Dutch tend to come out rather well, be it in the home or in the workplace. Yes, I think the Dutch really are doing something right.

So, maybe somewhere in there there is a lesson for employees in other countries.......

Helmet Therapy in the Netherlands

Helmet Therapy to help children
(c) The Writing Well

Expatica published an article of mine written about a topic which will be unfamiliar to most  - helmet therapy -  but it is a process we stumbled upon last year when the Consultatiebureau (the Dutch well-baby clinic) referred us through to a physiotherapist because my baby had a strong positional preference.

I found it very hard to find much information on helmet therapy (or redressietherapie) in the Netherlands, particularly in English, so I decided to share our story for other expat parents out there.

It is also to enlighten others who wonder why babies with specially designed helmets is such a common sight on the streets of the Netherlands these days.

You can read the full article on http://www.expatica.com/nl/health_fitness/healthcare/Helmet-therapy-in-the-Netherlands_17323.html

The Naked Snail

A Naked Snail Photo: Antonio Garcia

*I was pushing my one year old in his pram whilst my four year old was jumping over puddles on the pavement next to us on our way back to infant school after lunch. The heavens had opened that morning and the rain had been continuous since I had done the first school run of the day that morning. In front of us was a mother with a four year old girl dressed from head to toe in pink in one hand and her slightly older brother in the other hand. Suddenly the trio stopped before us and the young girl let out a shriek,

"Ew. Wat is dat mama?" she asked, turning to her mother. She pointed at the ground to a slug.

"Dat is een naaktslak," said her mother laughing. The Dutch word for slug, naaktslak, litterally translates to naked snail. Both children were now laughing. The young boy said,

"Yes, he woke up this morning and forgot to put his clothes on." His little sister giggled. As did I. My four year old looked up at me,

"Nee, toch mama?" my son asked, questioning the validity of the boy's statement. The mother continued,

"Yes, he must have been very confused when he woke this morning."

It reminded me just how fabulous the Dutch language can be!

*This article first appeared on my other blog, A Letter from the Netherlands, in June 2011.

First Day at School: What No Uniform?

When my son started primary school last year it was a milestone. Not just for him, but for me too. Gone were easy, go with the flow mornings. They were replaced with a morning routine that required planning with military precision. Gone were trips to the farm at the drop of a hat. Gone were spontaneous trips to the playground with him. My eldest son suddenly disappeared for most of the day. It was an adjustment for us both. It was tough.

School uniforms
Photo: Tim & Annette

But when he took his first steps into his new classroom something else struck me. I would never experience that proud moment that most British mothers have when their child puts on their school uniform for the first time. Last September, Facebook was flooded with friends' photos capturing their children on that first day at school in a crisp, new school uniform.

School uniforms are very uncommon in the Netherlands. In fact the only place I have seen them since I moved here in 2000 is the British School in the Netherlands based in Voorschoten. An OFT report cites that 79% of junior schools in Britain has a compulsory school uniform, when you get to secondary school this rises to 98%. In short, if you go to school in Britain there is a good chance you'll be wearing a school uniform.

If you go to school in the Netherlands you will almost definitely not be required to don a uniform in the colours of your school. I started doing a little digging to determine why my sons will all go through a school system without seeing a school uniform. It turns out it's easier to find out why British schools advocate the wearing of uniforms than why Dutch schools don't.

Michael Gove - a uniform believer
Photo: London Evening Standard

In Britain there is political pressure on schools to require pupils to wear a uniform. Michael Gove, the Education secretary believes that uniforms in schools are beneficial. He believes that the wearing of blazers and ties contribute to school success. In combination with strict discipline of course. He says that schools with uniforms have better results. It is a hot topic on the political agenda in Britain.

There are more benefits of a school uniform according to supporters: A uniform helps pupils identify with their school and feel like a part of the school community; it evokes pride in pupils; it instils discipline; it dissolves social equalities (as clothes do not differ between rich and poor students), hence reducing bullying.

Some argue that uniforms in schools are just a way of exerting power and control over kids. Heads of schools which have abolished their school uniform say that teachers spent too much time ensuring that children adhered to school uniform rules - time that could be better spent teaching them.

American academic (school uniforms are gaining popularity in the US), David Brunsma, concluded after eight years of research that school uniforms make no difference whatsoever to the standard of schools or their results.

Love them or loath them, the fact is that I grew up wearing a school uniform and somewhere in the photo archives of my parents there is a picture of me on my first day of school, proudly toting my brand new uniform. It's a British thing, but one as an expat parent I will never experience.

What will/did you never experience when your kids start(ed) school because you moved overseas? Is it something you miss(ed) or glad you don't/ didn't have to go through?

Bikes, Kids and the Dutch

Ferrying children around on a bike - as easy as ABC in
the Netherlands
(c) The Writing Well

*A recent article confirmed that it's actually safer to ferry your children around in a bakfiets (a carrier fixed to the front of the bike) than a child seat fixed to either the front or back of your bike. The reason for this is simple - if you are involved in an accident with a car whilst on your bike more often than not your head tends to meet the windscreen. In a bakfiets this won't happen. The other reason cited for it being safer than a child seat is because drivers notice a bakfiets more than child seats. It all makes sense to me when you think about it logically - with a bakfiets the centre of gravity is lower and it is therefore more stable.

With the imminent birth of our third baby I have thought about a fietskar (a child carrier in the form of a trailer that fits to the back of a bike) as getting about would be a lot easier by bike as the kids get a little bigger. It is safer than two children in seats on the front and back of my bike - particularly given my amateurish, shaky cycling skills. The downside of bike trailers or bakfiets is that they are not cheap!

For a bakfiets you can expect to part with more than a thousand of your hard earned euro - but it is a replacement for a car for many. A bike child seat will set you back anything from 50 to 100 euro depending on the model and the price for a trailer for your bike starts around 170 euro (but remember you need to buy accessories to attach your children safely in the trailer....) and rises easily to near 1000 euro.......

Do you cycle around with your children on your bike? Do you use child seats, a trailer of a bakfiets? Which form do you feel is safer? Did you transport your kids by bike before you moved to the Netherlands? I would love to hear your views!


*This article first appeared on my other blog, A Letter from the Netherlands in September 2011.

Sugar and Spice, and All Things Nice

There is a rhyme in English that goes like this:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of !"

What are little girls made of?

"Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of!"

However, here in the Netherlands, it's not just the girls full of sugar and all things nice... it's boys too. Or at least that is the impression I get when I look at typical Dutch breakfast and lunch tables or restaurant choices for kids here. 

For some reason I still don't get after more than a decade here, the Dutch give their children sprinkles and chocolate flakes on bread for breakfast or (maybe even and) lunch. Sugar on bread in essence. And not occasionally or as in a once-a-year-treat-because-it's-your-birthday kind of way. Daily. As in every day. 

Sugar, Sugar and a Little More Sugar
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Restaurants directed at children either serve fried stuff or sweet stuff for kids. Pancake houses are good examples.... many offer pancakes especially for children. This typically means putting lots of sweets on a pancake, usually in the shape of a face, or providing a child with bowls of various sweet varieties containing more sugar than you would want your child to consume in a decade, let alone during the consumption of one pancake. Don't get me wrong, a pancake house every now and then is a great treat and lots of fun. But sometimes it would be nice to have other options.....

Kid's Menu from The Three Tuns Pub in Reading,
England

When we visit the UK I am always struck that there is such a huge difference and kid's menus are not always unhealthy. Pasta with sauces (including those with hidden vegetables) are often available, or simply the same meals offered to adults but put out in smaller portions for the kids. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to come up with something that isn't fried or isn't sugar to feed to restaurant going children. Does it? Well, that's my take on it and it's been a source of irritation for at least five years now. Ever since I became a mother and adopted the "you're not eating sweets every day" approach to parenting.

Luckily I am not alone. Let me introduce you to Smulpaapje.nl. It is the initiative of Susan Aretz and Annemieke Dubbeldeman who were also fed up with the limited offerings for their children whilst eating out. They set up a site to put restaurants with healthier options for children on the map. It's all new, work in progress but an exciting development. It's worth taking a look at so that maybe next time you want to eat out with your children you don't end up in a pancake house...

Regrets? I've Had a Few, But None Enough to Matter

The Daily Battle to get to School on Time
Photo: Filip Lundeholm

Some mornings I wake up and can't help feeling like I drew the short end of the straw. Three children to organise by 8.15: coax out of bed, tempt breakfast into, get dressed, brush teeth, get a school lunch box ready and into a school bag and finally get coats, scarves, hats and gloves on to (season dependent of course). In between I have to fit in a breastfeed for the baby, scrape Weetabix from the floor, high chair and dining table, divert a couple of tantrums and/or crying sessions and get myself showered and dressed. It's a miracle but we do usually get my eldest to school on time.

In order to take part in this joy every weekday I gave up my career. Once upon a time I worked full time in Human Resources in an international company. I went off on maternity leave in 2006 and never went back.  Don't get me wrong, I hated working nine to five. I hated the humdrum of office life. I hated the office politics. I hated being an employee number and not a valued person. I hated the rat race. I gave that career up happily.

When I started working for myself as a freelance writer, the knock came hard as the number of children in our household grew and the time to write diminished dramatically. During pregnancies the energy was sapped out of me. My inspiration for writing never made it outside my head. Time was at a premium and writing came last. This career pause was a little harder to take. Especially on those days when the children don't cooperate and the day feels long by 8.15 a.m. The days when every sacrifice feels like a burden. The days when not being able to even go to the toilet alone irks me.

And then something will happen that knocks the regrets about my writing career break on the head. It whacks those niggling feelings of something lost right out of the playing field. A baby's first smile. A toddler getting up and taking his first steps. The first utterance of mama. A bum wiggling dance to the theme of Thomas the Tank Engine. The search for a hug and kiss when a knee is scraped. The uncertainty of the first day of school. A drawing of our family made of stick men and wild hair. Arts and crafts sessions full of unbelievably sticky glue and glitter. Cooking sessions full of finger licking and tummy rubbing. In fact there are so many moments that make me smile as a mother it's hard to feel any regrets about an abandoned career for very long.

My time for my career will come soon enough. When my children are all in school and a little more independent. When my children are all grown up and leading their lives elsewhere. And for those days I can wait. There's no rush.

Regrets? I've had a few, but none enough to matter.

A Cultural Winter Experience

This last weekend saw what could be the last of the ice skating on natural ice for this winter season. After the dashed hopes last week that an Elfsedentocht would take place, the Dutch took to the ice this weekend in their masses. Many had bought new ice skates for the occasion. Some grabbed them from the back of the cupboard. Others jumped on their sledge. Others collected their ice hockey sticks and pucks. Others just gathered on the ice to drink hot chocolate or gluhwein together.

Brand New Ice Skates
(c) The Writing Well

We took to the ice too. Or as least, some of the family did. Whilst I stood on the banks of what was water two weeks ago, my eldest sons and papa took to the ice. I scanned the ice for my family whilst I watched over the baby who was fast asleep in sub-zero temperatures in the double buggy. Whilst my eldest son lasted approximately two minutes upright on his ice skates, my middle son slid around enthusiastically behind him - until they both retired to the sleigh for papa to do the hard work. Watching them put a beaming smile on my face.

Out on the Sledge
(c) The Writing Well

The Dutch are almost as fanatical about ice skating as they are about cycling - another thing I have had to get used to as the Brits are certainly not renowned for their ice skating..... A few years ago it was my first time walking on a frozen lake and I stood amazed at those around me skating, sledging and pushing chairs across the ice. It was something I had never seen before and I loved watching it happening around me.

Ice Skating in the Netherlands - almost as popular as cycling
(c) The Writing Well

This year I knew what to expect. I could already picture the crowds on the canals and streams. But this year, two of my sons were enthusiastically thrown into the mix. Ice skates on, sledge out from the shed and winter woolies on.

Ice Hockey on a Frozen Lake
(c) The Writing Well

It struck me once more that my children will have different experiences because they were born in the Netherlands. Had my husband and I moved back to the UK before the children were born, I cannot imagine rushing out and buying a pair of ice skates for my eldest son so he could have a go at skating on a frozen lake. I don't think we would have a sledge tucked away in the shed as standard transportation (kids are taken to school on sledges as soon as there is any ice to speak of). I'm sure it's done in England, but not by the masses, and not with such fanaticism.

What different experiences do your kids have because they are in the Netherlands, or a different country to the one you grew up in?

Baby Boxes - Gratis!

If you're pregnant in the Netherlands there are freebies to be had - and if you are even a little bit integrated and living like a Dutchie.. then gratis is good! Very good!

You can sign up for baby boxes which contain free samples and small gifts, as well as discount vouchers and information about baby related items and issues. This gives you a chance to sample leading brands before you commit to buying them - particularly handy if you are pregnant with your first baby.

Prenatal and Etos both do baby boxes (one before and one after the birth). Prenatal offers the "blije doos" which you can collect when you are around seven months pregnant, and the "baby doos" when your new arrival is around three months old. To find out more, including what you can find inside the baby boxes, visit http://www.babyinfo.nl/wijjongeouders/deblijedoos.asp.

Etos do a Zwanger Box (which can be collected from your nearest Etos shop up to week 34 of your pregnancy) and a Baby Box when your baby is around three months old.

In the boxes you will find dummies, bibs, comforters, formula samples (for 6 months plus as companies may not legally give out free formula samples meant for the first few months of a baby's life), parenting magazines, bottles, creams and nappies. it provides a great little cache of baby items to get you started - and best of all at no cost!

Are these baby boxes offered in other countries too?

Bilingualism in Kids, Government Clinics and Codswallop

Bilingualism in the Netherlands: A good or bad thing?

A recent article about bringing bilingual children up on Radio Netherlands Worldwide intrigued me. well actually, it maddened me a little. It reported something, in my eyes at least, that seems like nonsense - that a child should be brought up with only one language. This is according to 'scientists' and relayed through 'government clinics'.

First of all, the concept of government clinics baffled me. What the hell is a Dutch government clinic? This turned out to be the consultatiebureau, which sounds a lot less sinister than government clinic.

For parents out there living in the Netherlands, you will already be familiar with the consultatiebureau. It's a kind of local health centre for children aged 0 to 4. The nurses and doctors there check a child's development, administer vaccinations and refer children to specialists when necessary. It's funded by the government, hence the title of government clinic in this article I assume.

Secondly, and more importantly, the idea that it is better to bring your child up speaking and learning one language and not more is rubbish. In my humble opinion that is. My eldest son speaks Dutch as his mother tongue but speaks English too. It has gone through waves over the year which language he prefers to talk in and which excels. Since he started school his Dutch is stronger and his preferred language and we work at English together. My 21 month old understands instructions in both English and Dutch.

The article states that linguists also disagree that children should focus on one language only. Research has proven bilingualism is good for the brain!

The thing that I really don't understand from this article is that the staff at the consultatiebureau I visit here in Zoetermeer has done nothing but encourage, give advice and praise bringing up my children so they can speak both Dutch and English. It gives them an advantage, so they have said. And I agree. In fact, to go a step further, the advice is for me to speak English (and therefore not pass on my mistakes in Dutch to my children) and my husband to speak Dutch to them (and hence not pass on the notorious mistakes the Dutch make with English such as "A teacher learns you things.")

So, is it just certain areas where a second or third language is discouraged? Or are there particular languages which the consulatiebureaus would rather parents didn't pass on to their children? Is the standard of Dutch spoken by bilingual children here in the Netherlands low?

I found some information on KiesBeter.nl which outlines what a consultatiebureau is and does - and one of the tasks is to ensure that children can speak Dutch. If your child is being raised here and living here for the long haul, will go to school here, then of course a child should be able to communicate in the native language. But the idea that the consultatiebureau insists that its better to bring up with just one language (and presumably then just Dutch) seems not to tally with my personal experience.

What is your experience? Have you been encouraged to speak your mother tongue with your children by the consultatiebureau? What do you think about bilingualism: good for children or not?

Incidentally, if you are thinking about raising your children to be bilingual check out tips here.