My 365 Grateful Project #1: Education, Reading & Being Bilingual

#1 Grateful for the education system my sons have access to

Over on 4 kids, 20 Suitcases and a Beagle, Kirsty just posted about the #365grateful project. I immediately had a light bulb moment and wanted in. Being a stay at home mum (with the stolen hour here and there to do some writing) can sometimes feel like sitting in a rut. Same thing, same time, most days. School and back eight times a day...... and sometimes I need a kick in the butt to just treasure the amazing moments I do have in a day. I wrote Freeze the Day last week and the post I read today by Kirsty seemed to fit seamlessly together with that. So here's the beginning of my own 365grateful project.

Today I took my eldest into town and we stopped by the library for some books. He's learning to read and write at school at the moment. I sat with him on the library floor for a few minutes listening to him read the first pages of some of the books we found, to see if they were the right level for him. He's taken to reading like a duck to water. He loves it and he's so proud of himself for being able to read pages and pages at a time, putting the story together for his little brothers. Not only is he reading Dutch books, but English ones too - we found a couple of English early readers at the library too. 

How grateful I am for the Dutch education system, and the fact that education here is not only a given but compulsory. So many children across the world don't have that privilege. 

The Importance of the Personality of a School

I recently read an article about schooling that hit a chord with me. Well, actually it went right for my jugular. It gave advice about finding the right school for your child. Although it was specifically written to help expat families there was one particular element that jumped out at me which is also relevant wherever and however you choose to school your child. Personality. That of the school and of your child.

There's more to choosing a school than meets the eye

When we chose a school for my eldest we looked at the method of instruction, faith, location, school results and the school building and facilities. The school seemed like a good choice.

However, it turns out that it was not the right choice. It was far from the right choice. It is like my son is walking around in shoes that are a complete misfit. The shoes are not letting him walk the way he naturally walks, and they are seriously hindering his growth. It's been a painful process to get to this point where we admit defeat and need to find an alternative school for my son. But my children must be able to be who they really are, not just at home but also in school, and not forced to fit in an ill-fitting square peg. Children are not standard. They come in all shapes and sizes, all with their own instruction booklets. One method does not fit all. And I believe that any school that refuses to acknowledge that basic fact is in the wrong business.

However, the journey we have been on over the last eighteen months has not been in vain. We've learnt a lot. It's not faith, teaching methods, school policies or aesthetically pleasing school buildings that make a school the right place to be; it's a school's personality that matters. Does the school personality match the personality of your child? A scientific, rational, evidence based school is not the place for an emotionally sensitive child.

Before we enrolled in school, we didn't know what type of personality we were dealing with. It's like looking forward to a quiet dinner party with good friends and ending up sitting next to an outspoken, boorish man who chews your ear off for the duration of the party and couldn't care less about who you are and what interests you. It's not a place you want to sit for long. After attempting to make polite conversation, getting nowhere and trying a strategy of telling it like it is and still not getting any message through, it really is time to make an exit. Time to down cutlery down and abandon dinner. And so time for a change of school.

This time around the priority is whether a school's personality will fit with my son's. The rest we'll work around because without that basic fit in place it's a lost cause, and a miserable education experience for a child. Thankfully, my son is early on in his school career and he'll bounce back from this setback. And we've learned that we won't always get it right first time but I'm glad we figured out why it wasn't working and were then brave enough to make it right. Personalities matter, even when it comes to school. Important parenting lesson number 342 learnt........

Different Expats, Different Challenges

It's school holidays here in the Netherlands and we've just got back from visiting friends in Prague. My friends are also Brits but are abroad for a work assignment for a couple of years. It was a stark reminder of how expat life is a varied thing indeed. Some become expats for the adventure, for some it's a move to be with a partner and for others it's for work.

Keeping children in touch with
their grandparents needs to
be worked at if you live abroad
Photo credit: Gokhan Okur

The different reasons for being an expat throws up different challenges for our children. My children are not actually expats themselves but I am. That means there are cultural and language issues to deal with. There are issues keeping in touch with grandparents and aunts and uncles that live overseas. The issues are more mine trying to understand a school system I did not go through, understanding a culture that is not mine. However, whilst they stand out sometimes, most aspects of life for my children are stable and consistent and not effected by my expat status.

For my friends in the Czech Republic almost every aspect of their lives is effected by their expat status. Their challenges are more related to providing their children with some kind of stability in another country, knowing that their stay there will come to an end. Their challenges include making a temporary dwelling that is not theirs a real home for the children. Expat life means the friendships their children make are temporary, and indeed the friendships they themselves make mean learning to say goodbye after a year or two. It's not an easy cycle to go through.

A temporary stay abroad also means a change of schools for the children and provides another challenge once the expat assignment ends, because it calls for the children to slot back in to the British state system. After being in small classes with a varied curriculum and an abundance of teachers how do you help children to adapt to classes of 30 plus and overstretched resources? The flip side of course is the gift of excellent education for at least two years in an environment the children are thriving in! And what an opportunity for children to go to school with such a mix of nationalities alongside them, in a cultural richness you won't find in national schooling. We arrived in Prague two days after the new Dutch king came to the throne. Thanks to the Dutch influence in her class, my friend's daughter knew all about Willem Alexander and Maxima, made crowns to mark the occasion and she proudly told us,

"The new Dutch queen is much better, because she's much prettier than the old one."

I'm pretty sure she would have known very little about this Dutch event had she still been in a British primary school.

Old Town Square, Prague
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

And on top of that what a rich culture Prague has to offer. A bustling city full of history and beauty. A surprise around every corner you turn in it's Old Town. What an amazing place for children (and their parents) to soak up and store in the memory bank. An expat life that surely enriches their children, but that inevitably comes with challenges. There are pros and cons to every decision we make. Different expats, different challenges.

Yes, expat life is a varied thing indeed but there is one common factor - we're raising the global citizens of the future!

What do you think? How does the reason for your expat status effect your children? Is it better for children to have the expat experiences and deal with the challenges as they arise or play it safe and avoid the big changes?

The Trials and Tribulations of Expatmothers?

Photo Credit: AD- Passion (http://blog.ad-passion.com)

There's an interesting and thought provoking UN Special article I thought I'd share with you called "Expatmothers" (thanks to Live Life Now Coaching for sharing this article). The article describes how it is to be the mother of children who live in different countries. It's interesting because I can relate to many of the issues described even though I am not transplanting my children every few years and my children are in fact living in the country they were born in even if I am not.

Parenting in an unfamiliar environment is hard - and it doesn't just have to be unknown for the children. The children may have known nothing else but when the parent has to make decisions and make the right choice for their children unfamiliar cultures, systems and processes can be real show stoppers. Take education as an example. The Dutch system is different to the British system and is unfamiliar to me, even though my husband went through the system himself and can help explain up to a point. To make choices for my children based on a system I went through decades ago is hard enough, let alone having to fathom out and truly understand how a different system works before you can make the right choice for your kids. And that's just one topic.

The lack of support network is also something I identify with. If couples have two sets of parents they can call on to help out when the going gets tough then they are extremely lucky. Most people don't have that luxury for one reason or another but do have at least one set of family to call upon. Expats generally don't have that. They have to make a new network and create support around them and that can take a long time.

And my children growing up without the close geographical proximity of their grandparents is also an issue I can relate to. Of course expats make the best of it, but it's not always the ideal situation.

In any case, take a read and let me know what you think.

UN Special - Expatmothers

What other issues do "expatmothers" face?

De Peuterspeelzaal (aka preschool)

My middle son started preschool (peuterspeelzaal in Dutch) this week at the tender age of 2 years and 4 months. It's been an emotional week... for me at least because I was suddenly faced with a new phase and although I have been through this once before with my eldest son it still felt weird to realise my son is no longer a baby. He was delighted to spread his wings a little and start school "like his big brother" and he's far too busy even to wave goodbye once he gets playing there.

You Know You're An Expat Parent in the Netherlands When...

Being a parent abroad means facing situations that you probably wouldn't face if you had stayed in the country you were born in. Being an expat parent means adapting...... Here are twenty things that make me realise I'm a Brit parenting in the Netherlands.

1. You actually consider a home birth as a viable option.
2. You think you can give birth without the help of pain relief.
3. The whole idea of a maternity nurse spending a week in your home directly after the birth of your child is inconceivable. You reluctantly commit to her coming a few hours a day (half of your entitlement) but make sure everyone knows you are giving in begrudgingly. When your second is born you sign up for your full entitlement and dream up elaborate ways to get more hours out of your maternity nurse.
4. When the well-baby clinic recommends your child eats six slices of bread a day you involuntarily take in a sharp breath.
5. Your three year old speaks Dutch better than you do. 
6. Your five year old actually corrects you when you speak Dutch.
7. You are floored by the way your toddler can roll their "r's" and say "Scheveningen".
8. You're amazed because there is no complicated school enrolment system* for your children. You fill in an application form and the school informs you within a week or two if they have a space for your child or not. You can't believe it can be that simple.
9. When your child starts school you have no idea how the school system works because it's not the same as the one you grew up in. 
10. You cannot get to grips with the idea that eating in a pancake house is "going out for dinner" and still see those Dutch pancakes as eating dessert before the main meal.
11. You stop calling your GP for every minor ailment your kids get because you know the answer will be "Take paracetamol and if he's not okay in three days come back."
12. There is more paracetamol in your medicine cabinet at any one time than you would conceivably use in a year in your own country. What's more you have paracetamol for every possible age range and for every orifice and  - you're not afraid to use it.
13. Your kids cycle better and more than you do.
14. The phrase you use most whilst walking to and around the local playground is "Watch out for the dog poo. I said WATCH OUT! OK, you can clean that when we get home...."
15. Your children eat sprinkles on bread for breakfast.
16. Your child brings home a different friend book to fill in on a weekly basis. But of course your child cannot yet write so guess what you spend your weekends doing....
17. You wouldn't dream of driving to school. Instead, you join the masses and walk or cycle with your child to school.
18. You have an impressive array of attachments for your bike, including a bike trailer and child seats.
19. You race to the nearest lake when the temperature drops so that your children can wear their ice skates.
20. Your child has a tendency to find the idea of poo sandwiches hilarious. 

*except in Amsterdam.....

11. You don't call the GP....
Photo: Andrzej Gdula



What have I missed? What makes you realise you are parenting abroad, which ever country you are parenting in?

Brainy Bilinguals

Are you making sure your children
learn at least two languages?
Photo: Mokra

According to a recent headline on NU.nl, bilingualism is the new crossword puzzle. In short, bilingualism promotes a higher level of concentration and aids memory function. This is the conclusion from research done with groups of teenagers in the United States.

Knowing and using two languages keeps your brain sharp - in the same way that doing crossword puzzles does.

This latest research adds to the already substantial confirmation that bilingualism is good for the brains!! Another reason to make sure your children grow up maintaining your home country language, whilst learning and using the local language too!