This week I'm delighted to share a guest post with you about family travel to Amsterdam.This post has been written by Jess Signet who blogs about travel over at Tripelio. Jess is an avid traveler and enjoys writing about her adventures. Knowing there’s more to the world than the bubble she lives in makes her want to travel even further. Here's her take on why Amsterdam is the place to for a family holiday.
Showing posts with label Guest Posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guest Posts. Show all posts
Thursday, 2 June 2016
Tuesday, 5 August 2014
Is my Child Introvert or Highly Sensitive?
Understanding whenever your child is highly sensitive or an introvert can help parents get a better grip on the emotions of a child and how to get the best out of them whilst allowing them to remain true to who they are.It's a fine line though between introverted and highly sensitive. it can be hard to see the wood from the trees.
I was asked to write a guest post on this topic for The Piri Piri Lexicon and what with it being a topic close to my heart I was delighted to oblige.
Head over to the Piri Piri Lexicon to read about the differences between introvert children and highly sensitive children. And then head back here.....
Is your highly sensitive child introvert or extrovert? Is your introvert highly sensitive? In what ways do you see it?
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Raising Happy Sensitive Kids
*My Happy Sensitive Kids blog is the place to find all new highly sensitive related posts*
Regular visitors this this blog will know there are three main themes running through my posts: all things Dutch, all things British and the amazing topic of Highly Sensitive Children.
A year ago my family was wading through some dark, dark days trying to deal with a school that failed to acknowledge that some children are highly sensitive and that the constant noise and busyness around them in a classroom have real implications for how they feel - and once they are in the comfort of their own home - how they behave. Life was a daily battle. And one we were losing.
We had amazing support from various Dutch youth services (a blog post for another day now I think about it) and we found our way through in the end but it was hard. It was incredibly stressful and it put a lot of strain on my family and particularly my children.
My husband and I felt alone because it is often hard for friends and family to understand what being a highly sensitive child means for a child and their parents in day to day life. Some days we really felt like we were making it all up. I questioned whether highly sensitive really existed - that is how our son's former school made us feel. They made us feel, some days, like complete nut jobs - saying one thing to us, but acting another way entirely as soon as my son was in the classroom with them. They humoured us but never helped. We went through just about every emotion you could name. Until enough was enough and we switched schools. If only we had done it sooner. The Dutch have a saying "zit lekker in je vel" - to literally be comfortable in your own skin. And that is what we saw happen when our son started at a new school. He was suddenly comfortable in his own skin.
But, as with everything there is always a positive angle - every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Through our experience, I learned a lot. I will never go down the same road again.
How we felt a year ago is the reason why I set up a Facebook group for parents of highly sensitive children. It's the reason I started writing about the topic here on this blog. So that no other parent of a HSC feels alone when they face problems at school, or feels unsure when their child refuses to go to a friend's birthday party, or cries every morning at nursery drop off, or is pulling their hair out when their daughter refuses to wear new clothes that she says are scratchy, or refuses to eat anything but peanut butter and cheese. Because they all may seem like little things to the outside world, but day in day out, dealing with the sensitivities of a confused, overwhelmed child puts even the most patient of parents to the test. And when the world around you shows a complete lack of understanding for your child's needs parenting feels lonely.
The truth is, if you are parenting a HSC you are absolutely not the only one. You are not alone. And it is a topic that is gaining more and more ground (read this if you don't believe me: Why Some People are Genetically More Sensitive or Empathetic Than Others) and more and more parents are getting more of an understanding of their HSC. The latest generation of highly sensitive children have more chance of having parents that really get them, that understand them and what they need to grow into beautiful adults who not afraid of their sensitivity. That's the good news. And as parents the world wide web gives us the tools to support each other so that we can raise Happy Sensitive Kids.
I am thrilled to have been approached by two wonderful bloggers in the past few weeks to write a post on the very topic of highly sensitive children. It's a wonderful acknowledgement of what I have been trying to do over what turns out to be almost exactly a year.
Firstly, I wrote a post for Leila for her wonderful Sensitive and Extraordinary Kids blog on the topic of being a HS mother and how I struggled entering motherhood. I thought I wasn't cut out to be a mother. Turns out I just needed to empty my bucket every now and then.
And then I wrote a guest post for Annabelle for The Piri Piri Lexicon blog distinguishing between introverts and HSC. It's a fine line, and often a child is both.
If you are raising a highly sensitive child join our Facebook Group, leave a comment here or just check back once in a while - just know you're not alone.
Regular visitors this this blog will know there are three main themes running through my posts: all things Dutch, all things British and the amazing topic of Highly Sensitive Children.
A year ago my family was wading through some dark, dark days trying to deal with a school that failed to acknowledge that some children are highly sensitive and that the constant noise and busyness around them in a classroom have real implications for how they feel - and once they are in the comfort of their own home - how they behave. Life was a daily battle. And one we were losing.
We had amazing support from various Dutch youth services (a blog post for another day now I think about it) and we found our way through in the end but it was hard. It was incredibly stressful and it put a lot of strain on my family and particularly my children.
My husband and I felt alone because it is often hard for friends and family to understand what being a highly sensitive child means for a child and their parents in day to day life. Some days we really felt like we were making it all up. I questioned whether highly sensitive really existed - that is how our son's former school made us feel. They made us feel, some days, like complete nut jobs - saying one thing to us, but acting another way entirely as soon as my son was in the classroom with them. They humoured us but never helped. We went through just about every emotion you could name. Until enough was enough and we switched schools. If only we had done it sooner. The Dutch have a saying "zit lekker in je vel" - to literally be comfortable in your own skin. And that is what we saw happen when our son started at a new school. He was suddenly comfortable in his own skin.
But, as with everything there is always a positive angle - every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Through our experience, I learned a lot. I will never go down the same road again.
How we felt a year ago is the reason why I set up a Facebook group for parents of highly sensitive children. It's the reason I started writing about the topic here on this blog. So that no other parent of a HSC feels alone when they face problems at school, or feels unsure when their child refuses to go to a friend's birthday party, or cries every morning at nursery drop off, or is pulling their hair out when their daughter refuses to wear new clothes that she says are scratchy, or refuses to eat anything but peanut butter and cheese. Because they all may seem like little things to the outside world, but day in day out, dealing with the sensitivities of a confused, overwhelmed child puts even the most patient of parents to the test. And when the world around you shows a complete lack of understanding for your child's needs parenting feels lonely.
The truth is, if you are parenting a HSC you are absolutely not the only one. You are not alone. And it is a topic that is gaining more and more ground (read this if you don't believe me: Why Some People are Genetically More Sensitive or Empathetic Than Others) and more and more parents are getting more of an understanding of their HSC. The latest generation of highly sensitive children have more chance of having parents that really get them, that understand them and what they need to grow into beautiful adults who not afraid of their sensitivity. That's the good news. And as parents the world wide web gives us the tools to support each other so that we can raise Happy Sensitive Kids.
I am thrilled to have been approached by two wonderful bloggers in the past few weeks to write a post on the very topic of highly sensitive children. It's a wonderful acknowledgement of what I have been trying to do over what turns out to be almost exactly a year.
And then I wrote a guest post for Annabelle for The Piri Piri Lexicon blog distinguishing between introverts and HSC. It's a fine line, and often a child is both.
If you are raising a highly sensitive child join our Facebook Group, leave a comment here or just check back once in a while - just know you're not alone.
Friday, 13 June 2014
Parenting Around the Planet: Parenting Dutch Style
It is only by putting pen to paper that I realised just how lucky I am to be able to parent here amongst the Dutch and I am constantly learning from those around me - just as I would be if I were raising my children in Britain. However, my examples here are different to those I would have in England - that is for sure.
To see what I mean head over to Bod for Tea and read my take on parenting Dutch style. I would love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts!
Friday, 6 June 2014
Guest Post: A Garden Handprint Keepsake in 5 Easy Steps
Today I'm a guest blogger over at The Creative World of Varya, sharing a garden family keepsake we made last summer. A year later it is still standing proud in our garden.
Pop over to learn how to make this handprint tile in 5 easy steps: http://www.creativeworldofvarya.com/special-guest-thursday-a-garden-keepsake-handprint-expat-life-with-a-double-buggy/
Monday, 25 November 2013
NoGuPoMo: Not Every Culture Forces their Kids to Share
The end of NaNoWriMo is nigh for sure....whilst I finish my novel off (yeah, I know I'm fooling no one...) I'm delighted to share this week's guest post from Mama Mzungu, aka Kim, an expat who left the US to live in Kenya. You can find out more about her story over on her blog. I'll leave you to read her great cultural post about sharing…..I would love to hear what you think about this - I found out that I'm parenting Kenyan style…..
"Mo-oommm... But it's not fair!!!" whines every pre-schooler from Fresno to Philadelphia.
"Well, sorry dear, life is not always fair." replies every harried mother, settling the issue at least in her mind.
But the thing is, despite their proclamations, American parents work tremendously hard to try and make life as fair as possible for children. They break up fights and force apologies. They enforce the "take turns" policy. They repeatedly implore their little charges to "share nicely," and they dole out consequences when someone is being too selfish. They ask "who had it first?"
I suppose this would be my modus operandi as well. Though with only one kid there were less opportunities to enforce this system of fairness. And by the time I went from having one child requiring entertainment to two children requiring a referee, I had been living in Kenya for the better part of two years, where such a regime of benign rights-based interventions does not so much exist. So, I've, somewhat subconsciously, adopted the Kenyan system, which is this: Everyone defers to the noisiest (generally youngest) child.
When we first moved to Kenya and Caleb ran around with a mixed-aged group of friends, I observed this in practice. Caleb and another child would want the same toy, and Rukia (his care giver) would almost always ask the other kid to give Caleb the toy.
It made me cringe. I assumed she forced the other children to give him the toys because well... the toys were his... and I somewhere I suppose I feared that she deferred to his whims because he was the lone mzungu child. When this happened I would always intervene, telling Caleb his friends were "guests" and we needed to give them a turn with the toy too. I'd force him to give the other child the toy.
This invariably resulted in a full scale temper tantrum. After being told by Rukia that he could have the toy, I'd undo that, making it worse. Everyone would stop and stare at his meltdown, and my lesson in sharing and being a good host would get drowned out by the screaming. I was left feeling like I did something wrong, but had at least imparted an important lesson that I hoped would eventually sink in. I had restored life to a more "fair" balance, even if I created more chaos.
But my reaction was out of step with the culture. For Kenyans, it seemed that preventing the chaos was what was most important. The child who is the least able to weather the disappointment of losing a toy, the one who is least capable of understanding mine/yours/who had it first, basically the youngest, is the one who wins. Because when he wins there's less noise for everyone.
What I had failed to realize was that Caleb was getting his way because he was the youngest child in his group of playmates. When a child younger than Caleb entered his group of friends, even he was asked to defer to the littlest playmate.
To Americans, this probably seems supremely unfair, but it's really just a different set of rules and, amazingly, the older kids simply learn to sublimate their own needs. And that's probably not such a bad thing to learn how to do.
Now that Emmet has grown to the age in which he has toy preferences, a strong will, and an impressive
set of lungs, we've asked Caleb to generally defer to the baby. I know that this is VERY much against American sibling rivalry advise, which says that if you don't want the older child to resent the baby, you can't always let the baby win. But so far - and probably because the culture reinforces this different set of rules - Caleb is with the program.
The problem is that we are currently back in the US, where babies are expected to understand, or at least play along, with the take turns/who had it first policy. Forgetting for a moment where I was, I recently asked Emmet's cousin to give up a toy Emmet was crying for. His mom, carefully reminded me that her son had been playing with it first.
And that's when it hit me: Here in the US we really do see each child, and even baby, as having particular individual rights. When those rights are violated we work to restore order and fairness. We hope that our children learn to share, but they certainly learn that some justice is owed them. Kenyans, by asking children to put others before themselves learn, not that they have rights, but that they have a responsibility to keeping the peace for the group.
I don't think one way is necessarily better than the other, but, like all parenting practices, they make sense given their context. But, I have to say, having experienced both, the Kenyan way is definitely less noisy.
"Mo-oommm... But it's not fair!!!" whines every pre-schooler from Fresno to Philadelphia.
"Well, sorry dear, life is not always fair." replies every harried mother, settling the issue at least in her mind.
 |
| Asking children to share is cultural Photo Credit: Anissa Thompson |
I suppose this would be my modus operandi as well. Though with only one kid there were less opportunities to enforce this system of fairness. And by the time I went from having one child requiring entertainment to two children requiring a referee, I had been living in Kenya for the better part of two years, where such a regime of benign rights-based interventions does not so much exist. So, I've, somewhat subconsciously, adopted the Kenyan system, which is this: Everyone defers to the noisiest (generally youngest) child.
When we first moved to Kenya and Caleb ran around with a mixed-aged group of friends, I observed this in practice. Caleb and another child would want the same toy, and Rukia (his care giver) would almost always ask the other kid to give Caleb the toy.
It made me cringe. I assumed she forced the other children to give him the toys because well... the toys were his... and I somewhere I suppose I feared that she deferred to his whims because he was the lone mzungu child. When this happened I would always intervene, telling Caleb his friends were "guests" and we needed to give them a turn with the toy too. I'd force him to give the other child the toy.
This invariably resulted in a full scale temper tantrum. After being told by Rukia that he could have the toy, I'd undo that, making it worse. Everyone would stop and stare at his meltdown, and my lesson in sharing and being a good host would get drowned out by the screaming. I was left feeling like I did something wrong, but had at least imparted an important lesson that I hoped would eventually sink in. I had restored life to a more "fair" balance, even if I created more chaos.
But my reaction was out of step with the culture. For Kenyans, it seemed that preventing the chaos was what was most important. The child who is the least able to weather the disappointment of losing a toy, the one who is least capable of understanding mine/yours/who had it first, basically the youngest, is the one who wins. Because when he wins there's less noise for everyone.
Kenyans, by asking children to put others before themselves learn, not that they have rights, but that they have a responsibility to keeping the peace for the group.
To Americans, this probably seems supremely unfair, but it's really just a different set of rules and, amazingly, the older kids simply learn to sublimate their own needs. And that's probably not such a bad thing to learn how to do.
Now that Emmet has grown to the age in which he has toy preferences, a strong will, and an impressive
set of lungs, we've asked Caleb to generally defer to the baby. I know that this is VERY much against American sibling rivalry advise, which says that if you don't want the older child to resent the baby, you can't always let the baby win. But so far - and probably because the culture reinforces this different set of rules - Caleb is with the program.
And that's when it hit me: Here in the US we really do see each child, and even baby, as having particular individual rights. When those rights are violated we work to restore order and fairness. We hope that our children learn to share, but they certainly learn that some justice is owed them. Kenyans, by asking children to put others before themselves learn, not that they have rights, but that they have a responsibility to keeping the peace for the group.
I don't think one way is necessarily better than the other, but, like all parenting practices, they make sense given their context. But, I have to say, having experienced both, the Kenyan way is definitely less noisy.
Monday, 18 November 2013
NoGuPoMo: Capturing Moments That Count
Over half way of NaNoWriMo now....... can't stop writing....so I'll put you in the very capable hands of The European Mama for today's guest post.
I have a confession: I am not a big fan of today’s Carpe Diem philosophy.
I know my children will grow up fast, I see it right before my eyes. I know that moments with them are precious. I know how my son’s head smells, how beautiful my little girl’s eyes are and how quick my big girl is on her feet. I notice all that and more. After all, I am their mom - and a highly sensitive person (HSP).
But what the Carpe Diem is telling me, is: “You’re not doing enough! You’re not “there” enough!”, or “You don’t have enough time, and you’re not using it properly!”. Carpe Diem, while claiming to be a philosophy that is all about slowing down, is in truth about “not enough”, as Brene Brown would say. It is about scarcity. It is about pursuing an ideal that doesn’t exist.
Because it tells us that each moment is precious, and that is not the case. As a child, I would say: “This day should be crossed out of the calendar. Like it never existed.” I still feel like this about some days. The days where I didn’t get enough sleep and my body shuts down on me. The days that are so loud from temper tantrums and cries that my ears and my head hurt. I get my share of such days, too. After all, I'm a mom, and a HSP. What is my philosophy, then?
I love taking pictures. And maybe photography is a good metaphor for the way I see life. Because I know that especially with my digital SD card, I can take thousands of pictures, but not all pictures are worth taking. Not all pictures we take are worth keeping.
Some of these pictures can be improved. They aren’t perfect but there is something particularly interesting about them, and they can be made into something exquisite. But the truth is that so many the pictures we take are bad, especially if like me we’re amateurs.
Some bad days can be improved, but others are just bad. For me, turning a bad day around makes just as much sense as going shopping when I hardly have money for food. I’d rather wait them out and wait for a better time. I refuse to spend my time and energy on a day that isn’t worth it.
I don’t want to freeze time. I love the changes I see in my children and revel in them. I love when they can do and talk more and more. I love seeing my wonderful children slowly but steadily changing into wonderful adults. I’ve never regretted my children getting older because while our relationship will change, I know that it will still be there. I will still be their mom.
No, I don’t want to freeze time. I want to capture moments that matter.
You can find The European Mama on Instagram and on Facebook
I have a confession: I am not a big fan of today’s Carpe Diem philosophy.
I know my children will grow up fast, I see it right before my eyes. I know that moments with them are precious. I know how my son’s head smells, how beautiful my little girl’s eyes are and how quick my big girl is on her feet. I notice all that and more. After all, I am their mom - and a highly sensitive person (HSP).
But what the Carpe Diem is telling me, is: “You’re not doing enough! You’re not “there” enough!”, or “You don’t have enough time, and you’re not using it properly!”. Carpe Diem, while claiming to be a philosophy that is all about slowing down, is in truth about “not enough”, as Brene Brown would say. It is about scarcity. It is about pursuing an ideal that doesn’t exist.
Because it tells us that each moment is precious, and that is not the case. As a child, I would say: “This day should be crossed out of the calendar. Like it never existed.” I still feel like this about some days. The days where I didn’t get enough sleep and my body shuts down on me. The days that are so loud from temper tantrums and cries that my ears and my head hurt. I get my share of such days, too. After all, I'm a mom, and a HSP. What is my philosophy, then?
I love taking pictures. And maybe photography is a good metaphor for the way I see life. Because I know that especially with my digital SD card, I can take thousands of pictures, but not all pictures are worth taking. Not all pictures we take are worth keeping.
Some of these pictures can be improved. They aren’t perfect but there is something particularly interesting about them, and they can be made into something exquisite. But the truth is that so many the pictures we take are bad, especially if like me we’re amateurs.
Some bad days can be improved, but others are just bad. For me, turning a bad day around makes just as much sense as going shopping when I hardly have money for food. I’d rather wait them out and wait for a better time. I refuse to spend my time and energy on a day that isn’t worth it.
I don’t want to freeze time. I love the changes I see in my children and revel in them. I love when they can do and talk more and more. I love seeing my wonderful children slowly but steadily changing into wonderful adults. I’ve never regretted my children getting older because while our relationship will change, I know that it will still be there. I will still be their mom.
No, I don’t want to freeze time. I want to capture moments that matter.
You can find The European Mama on Instagram and on Facebook
Monday, 11 November 2013
NoGuPoMo: Expat Stresses by Your Expat Child
Whilst I scribble away furiously (or pound at my keyboard) here is another guest post. This week Your Expat Child writes about the stresses that expat life can bring, debunking the myth that expat life is one big holiday......
What stress can an expat possibly have?
I don’t assume that everyone who visits this site is excited and thrilled by an overseas move – searches that arrive here indicate that this is far from the case.
Moving overseas causes stress and anxiety even when you are excited about, and fully onboard with, the relocation. But if you don’t want to move to a particular country, or you feel you have to move abroad to keep your partner happy and in work, then the stress can become out of control.
Stresses can happen any time, any place, anywhere
Even if you’re already living overseas the stress of expat life can take its toll. Life and all its ups and downs carries on regardless of where you live. Perhaps your children aren’t coping in school for whatever reason, maybe you have aging parents thousands of miles away to worry about or you’re finding it impossible to find work of your own or even make friends.
Living overseas is not a holiday
Forget all those people who exclaim jealously that you’re living in so-called ‘paradise’ (ie anywhere other than your ‘home’ country!) and therefore can’t possibly have any ‘real’ problems. They are wrong. Expats have exactly the same problems as anyone else, big and small. Just because we live overseas it does not mean that we are on one endless holiday. Life goes on.
Just dealing with basic aspects of daily life in a different country can be difficult: What are the rules of driving at this junction? Am I allowed to park here? What is the postman saying to me? Is that milk or liquid yoghurt I’ve just put in my coffee because I can’t read the label? Of course, we soon get used to all these kinds of examples but it’s never at the same familiar level as dealing with stuff at home. There is a constant, low-level pressure at all times.
Difficulties are not location dependent
Illness and accidents can happen anywhere. These would be stressful enough in the home country. Negotiating a foreign healthcare system is hard work, however well-prepared you are – and that’s on top of the worry you’re already feeling.
Depression isn’t location dependent. It can happen to anyone regardless of where they’re living. It doesn’t matter if you live somewhere sunny and warm, with your own pool and home help. If the chemicals in your brain unbalance, you become depressed: it’s got absolutely nothing to do with lifestyle.
Expat child stress
Not every child copes well with moving around, either. Of course, this depends on your child and your own situation. If you’ve emigrated permanently then it is unlikely to be as much of an issue than those who have to move countries every couple of years or so. This way of life appears to be easier when the child is very young, but once they’ve started school most kids prefer to stay put. Even if they seem to cope well, keep a close eye for issues that may arise. You know your child best. They may well appear resilient and fully able to cope, but problems may be developing under the surface that become more obvious as they grow. And then the teenage years hit!
Yes, yes, we know that we’re giving them a fantastic opportunity to see the world and experience other cultures. They have the chance to try activities, food and see places many others only dream of. But all a child really craves is stability and security. While they’re very young, you provide that for them. However, as they get older they look to their peers for this. Their friends become more important than you… and then they, or their friends, move away. Sometimes you have to put their needs above your dreams.
A friend of mine relocated every year or two throughout her childhood. She says it was OK when she was very young but became intolerable once she reached about 10 years old. She loathed always being the ‘new girl’ at school. She went from being a straight-A student to not working at all. She didn’t bother to make friends as she knew she would be leaving again soon. Now an adult, she is very settled, but it’s taken her a long time to reach contentment. She rarely, if ever, travels anywhere now and is a real ‘home-bird’.
Not all overseas relocations are ‘heaven on earth’!
You can find more advice, tips and insight from Your Expat Child on Facebook and Twitter.
What stress can an expat possibly have?
I don’t assume that everyone who visits this site is excited and thrilled by an overseas move – searches that arrive here indicate that this is far from the case.
Moving overseas causes stress and anxiety even when you are excited about, and fully onboard with, the relocation. But if you don’t want to move to a particular country, or you feel you have to move abroad to keep your partner happy and in work, then the stress can become out of control.
Stresses can happen any time, any place, anywhere
Even if you’re already living overseas the stress of expat life can take its toll. Life and all its ups and downs carries on regardless of where you live. Perhaps your children aren’t coping in school for whatever reason, maybe you have aging parents thousands of miles away to worry about or you’re finding it impossible to find work of your own or even make friends.
Forget all those people who exclaim jealously that you’re living in so-called ‘paradise’ (ie anywhere other than your ‘home’ country!) and therefore can’t possibly have any ‘real’ problems. They are wrong. Expats have exactly the same problems as anyone else, big and small. Just because we live overseas it does not mean that we are on one endless holiday. Life goes on.
Just dealing with basic aspects of daily life in a different country can be difficult: What are the rules of driving at this junction? Am I allowed to park here? What is the postman saying to me? Is that milk or liquid yoghurt I’ve just put in my coffee because I can’t read the label? Of course, we soon get used to all these kinds of examples but it’s never at the same familiar level as dealing with stuff at home. There is a constant, low-level pressure at all times.
Difficulties are not location dependent
Illness and accidents can happen anywhere. These would be stressful enough in the home country. Negotiating a foreign healthcare system is hard work, however well-prepared you are – and that’s on top of the worry you’re already feeling.
Depression isn’t location dependent. It can happen to anyone regardless of where they’re living. It doesn’t matter if you live somewhere sunny and warm, with your own pool and home help. If the chemicals in your brain unbalance, you become depressed: it’s got absolutely nothing to do with lifestyle.
Expat child stress
Not every child copes well with moving around, either. Of course, this depends on your child and your own situation. If you’ve emigrated permanently then it is unlikely to be as much of an issue than those who have to move countries every couple of years or so. This way of life appears to be easier when the child is very young, but once they’ve started school most kids prefer to stay put. Even if they seem to cope well, keep a close eye for issues that may arise. You know your child best. They may well appear resilient and fully able to cope, but problems may be developing under the surface that become more obvious as they grow. And then the teenage years hit!
Yes, yes, we know that we’re giving them a fantastic opportunity to see the world and experience other cultures. They have the chance to try activities, food and see places many others only dream of. But all a child really craves is stability and security. While they’re very young, you provide that for them. However, as they get older they look to their peers for this. Their friends become more important than you… and then they, or their friends, move away. Sometimes you have to put their needs above your dreams.
A friend of mine relocated every year or two throughout her childhood. She says it was OK when she was very young but became intolerable once she reached about 10 years old. She loathed always being the ‘new girl’ at school. She went from being a straight-A student to not working at all. She didn’t bother to make friends as she knew she would be leaving again soon. Now an adult, she is very settled, but it’s taken her a long time to reach contentment. She rarely, if ever, travels anywhere now and is a real ‘home-bird’.
Not all overseas relocations are ‘heaven on earth’!
You can find more advice, tips and insight from Your Expat Child on Facebook and Twitter.
Monday, 4 November 2013
NoGuPoMo: Being A Bilingual Parent by Dad's The Way I Like It
I am delighted to be able to share a father's story here about raising a bilingual child in Wales. I'm delighted for two reasons: firstly it's nice to get a father's perspective and secondly my grandmother is Welsh, as is my father. I have lots of family living in Wales who speak Welsh so this is a particularly interesting post on a personal level too. Growing up my Dad used to try and add a few Welsh words to our vocabulary, always telling us to shut the door in Welsh (cau'r drws) and getting us to count to three (un, dou, tri,) which sounded like 'in the tree' to us......
And so with no further ado it's over to Jonathan of Dad's the way I like it.
"Learning any language can involve a fun journey and a few challenges along the way. With learning Welsh, minor milestones that stick out in my mind include things like the first time I left a voicemail message in Welsh, being brave enough to select ‘Cymraeg’ (Welsh) as the language to use on ATM machine and running a Welsh language football podcast for about a year.
I moved to Wales in 2007 and live in an area where the majority of the locals speak Welsh as their first language. I’ve learnt the language thanks to Welsh for Adults courses available at the university where I work and regularly use Welsh in my working life. However, it felt like I was starting off on a new journey once we decided to raise our son bilingually. Indeed, it has been an exciting journey for both myself and my wife that has brought with it some exciting challenges and opportunities.
When reading about bilingualism before our son’s birth, I was struck by the number of different ways in which children can be brought up bilingually and the different dynamics this can involve. Colin Baker’s book A Parent’s and Teacher’s Guide to Bilingualism was a real eye-opener and full of useful tips for a range of situations.
As I am from Scotland and my wife is from England, our decision to bring up our son in Welsh wasn’t motivated by a desire to pass on a culture and a language that had been a part of our own upbringing. What we wanted was for Welsh and English to be part of his upbringing so as he could be fluent in both the native languages of Wales and become aware of the importance of both within Welsh culture. As Welsh is the first language of the majority of people in our village and the local area, it seemed the logical thing to do.
For me, becoming a bilingual parent has helped to enrich my Welsh vocabulary with words and expressions that I hadn’t ever learnt in classes. Some friends kindly gave us a book entitled Magu’r Babi: Speaking Welsh with Children that features entire sections on topics such as ‘Codi gwynt’ (bring up wind), ‘Taflu i fyny’ (throwing up) and ‘Cosi traed’ (tickling feet). Thankfully we haven’t had to use phrases from the second of those three categories too frequently so far!
Bringing up our son in Welsh as well as English has also meant that both my wife and I have been trying to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes. There are some that we have come across that are basically just Welsh versions of popular English nursery rhymes such as ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’.
In some ways, I feel that singing Welsh versions of nursery rhymes that exist in English is almost cheating so I’m keen to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes that don’t seem to have English equivalents such as ‘Dau gi bach’ (Two Small Dogs). I’ve already purchased two CDs of nursery rhymes in Welsh that I have been listening to in the car on the way to work. With it being quite at the moment and having to roll the windows down, I think I could easily end up embarrassing myself if I start singing along too loudly!
My wife has got a bit of a head start on me with the nursery rhymes as she’s been going along to a ‘Cymraeg o’r Crud‘ (Welsh from the Cradle) course that is aimed at people who speak little Welsh themselves but want to be able to use it with their baby. It seems like fun too as the classes often involve arts and crafts as well.
These classes and indeed becoming a mum, have been a real spur for my wife to learn more Welsh. As
she hasn’t got to know as many Welsh speakers through work, she hasn’t had the same source of motivation as I’ve had. From the day of my staff induction at Bangor University, I learnt about the status and importance of the Welsh language and started learning Welsh within a matter of weeks.
For me, learning Welsh has provided all sorts of opportunities that I would have not had access to had I not decided to learn the language. For example, I have become interested in the local music scene and been able to follow a Welsh language drama series called Rownd a Rownd that is filmed in a village where I lived for three years. Almost two years ago, I also made an appearance on Welsh language television channel S4C in a comedy sketch show where I had to speak French to a plastic pigeon.
I hope that my son and indeed my wife will discover all sorts of fun and exciting opportunities through learning Welsh just as I have. In a few weeks time, we will all be going to the Eisteddfod Genedlaethol (a week long annual Welsh speaking cultural festival). To mark the occasion, I’ll be doing a bilingual (Welsh and English) blog post about this and my initial experiences of speaking Welsh to our son."
This post is republished with kind permission from Dad's the way I like it. You can connect with Dad's the way I like it on his Facebook page or on Google+.
And so with no further ado it's over to Jonathan of Dad's the way I like it.
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| Welsh School Text Book Photo Credit: C Hargraves |
I moved to Wales in 2007 and live in an area where the majority of the locals speak Welsh as their first language. I’ve learnt the language thanks to Welsh for Adults courses available at the university where I work and regularly use Welsh in my working life. However, it felt like I was starting off on a new journey once we decided to raise our son bilingually. Indeed, it has been an exciting journey for both myself and my wife that has brought with it some exciting challenges and opportunities.
When reading about bilingualism before our son’s birth, I was struck by the number of different ways in which children can be brought up bilingually and the different dynamics this can involve. Colin Baker’s book A Parent’s and Teacher’s Guide to Bilingualism was a real eye-opener and full of useful tips for a range of situations.
As I am from Scotland and my wife is from England, our decision to bring up our son in Welsh wasn’t motivated by a desire to pass on a culture and a language that had been a part of our own upbringing. What we wanted was for Welsh and English to be part of his upbringing so as he could be fluent in both the native languages of Wales and become aware of the importance of both within Welsh culture. As Welsh is the first language of the majority of people in our village and the local area, it seemed the logical thing to do.
For me, becoming a bilingual parent has helped to enrich my Welsh vocabulary with words and expressions that I hadn’t ever learnt in classes. Some friends kindly gave us a book entitled Magu’r Babi: Speaking Welsh with Children that features entire sections on topics such as ‘Codi gwynt’ (bring up wind), ‘Taflu i fyny’ (throwing up) and ‘Cosi traed’ (tickling feet). Thankfully we haven’t had to use phrases from the second of those three categories too frequently so far!
Bringing up our son in Welsh as well as English has also meant that both my wife and I have been trying to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes. There are some that we have come across that are basically just Welsh versions of popular English nursery rhymes such as ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’.
In some ways, I feel that singing Welsh versions of nursery rhymes that exist in English is almost cheating so I’m keen to learn some Welsh nursery rhymes that don’t seem to have English equivalents such as ‘Dau gi bach’ (Two Small Dogs). I’ve already purchased two CDs of nursery rhymes in Welsh that I have been listening to in the car on the way to work. With it being quite at the moment and having to roll the windows down, I think I could easily end up embarrassing myself if I start singing along too loudly!
My wife has got a bit of a head start on me with the nursery rhymes as she’s been going along to a ‘Cymraeg o’r Crud‘ (Welsh from the Cradle) course that is aimed at people who speak little Welsh themselves but want to be able to use it with their baby. It seems like fun too as the classes often involve arts and crafts as well.
These classes and indeed becoming a mum, have been a real spur for my wife to learn more Welsh. As
 |
| Welsh School Book Photo Credit: C Hargraves |
For me, learning Welsh has provided all sorts of opportunities that I would have not had access to had I not decided to learn the language. For example, I have become interested in the local music scene and been able to follow a Welsh language drama series called Rownd a Rownd that is filmed in a village where I lived for three years. Almost two years ago, I also made an appearance on Welsh language television channel S4C in a comedy sketch show where I had to speak French to a plastic pigeon.
I hope that my son and indeed my wife will discover all sorts of fun and exciting opportunities through learning Welsh just as I have. In a few weeks time, we will all be going to the Eisteddfod Genedlaethol (a week long annual Welsh speaking cultural festival). To mark the occasion, I’ll be doing a bilingual (Welsh and English) blog post about this and my initial experiences of speaking Welsh to our son."
This post is republished with kind permission from Dad's the way I like it. You can connect with Dad's the way I like it on his Facebook page or on Google+.
Friday, 1 November 2013
NoGuPoMo
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| Photo Credit: Thiago Mendes |
However, do not fear. Some wonderful bloggers have stepped into the void to contribute great blog posts on a range of topics from bilingual children in Wales to the stresses of expat life. It's going to be good - I'm calling this series NoGuPoMo. That's November Guest Post Month. And it features amazing bloggers that I have had the good fortune to meet along my expat blogging journey: Dad's the way I like it, Your Expat Child, The European Mama and Mama Mzungu.
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
The Start of The Era of Me - A Guest Post for The European Mama
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| The climb to the top of the parenting hill Photo Credit: Andrzej Pobiedziński |
"It finally feels like my time has come. A new era of me has begun. After three years of doing things almost exclusively in my “mama” role the last month or two have been more about me....." Hop over to The European Mama to read the rest of the post and bathe in the light at the end of the parenting tunnel.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Third Culture Parenting – Parenting Outside Your Own Culture
I recently guest posted for Bringing up Brits on the topic of raising kids who were born in a different country to the one I was born in. I asked Meghan Peterson Fenn, author, expat and blogger, to reciprocate and guest post about life as an American bringing up children who are, in essence, British. What she had to say about parenting in the UK was an eye opener for me for sure. Over to Meghan......
"Raising children can be difficult at the best of times. The way we parent is determined by many factors and our cultural environment and heritage are definitely important. I am an American mother raising my three children in the UK with a British husband. Because my children were born in England, I haven’t had the experience of bringing them up in the USA so it wasn’t until I visited my parents in my home country that I realised just how ‘English’ a mother I am.
The way I parent is greatly influenced by British parenting culture and although I try and put an American spin on some things, where possible, I am more of a British mother than an American mother. Even though I did not grow up in England, nor am I a British national, the way I parent is certainly more English than American.
For example, it is not accepted to reprimand your child by spanking in the UK. In the USA, it is more accepted (spanking on the bottom – NOT hitting your child) and therefore more common and parents are not shocked when they hear of it or see it happening. I think it is actually illegal in the UK! It is also common practice to treat your child as an equal and as a friend in the UK. Parents are more tolerant in general whereas in the US, there are more definite rules and lines that children are not meant to cross and parents, in general are stricter than parents in the UK.
It is also not as acceptable in England to offer parenting advice to friends and family. This can be a real No No with some parents who take offence when offered suggestions or advice and view it as interfering rather than helpful. British people like their privacy and find it impolite to interfere. However, when asked directly, I’ve found they are happy to offer parenting advice. And similarly, when it’s done online where there is a layer of anonymity, British mothers are more open to giving and receiving parenting advice.
These are just a few examples of things I’ve come across while bringing up my children in Britain. What have you discovered? Are you like Amanda – British and raising children in the Netherlands? What challenges have you had regarding raising your children within a different parenting culture?
I very much consider myself to be a third culture parent and sometimes wish I had the strength and gumption to be more ‘American’ in my parenting style. But it’s hard to go against the flow especially when you want to fit in and make friends and you want your children to fit in and make friends as well. I know my mother thinks I don’t discipline my children at all and she thinks the British parenting style is far too relaxed. In the past, this has caused a few difficulties with our close relationship and has had a knock-on effect with her relationship with her British grandchildren.
There are those parents who parent however they see fit no matter where they live or what the parenting culture calls for. Look at the Tiger mother, for instance.
How much does our cultural setting influence the way we parent? How does that effect our relationship with our children and our own families ‘back home’? I am also very influenced by my British husband and the way he parents. But I suppose that is another blog post topic altogether!"
If you want to learn more about Meghan Peterson Fenn, author of Bringing Up Brits: Expat Parents Raising Cross-Cultural Kids in Britain head over to www.bringingupbrits.co.uk. You can read an excerpt from her Bringing Up Brits book here.
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| Meghan Peterson Fenn |
"Raising children can be difficult at the best of times. The way we parent is determined by many factors and our cultural environment and heritage are definitely important. I am an American mother raising my three children in the UK with a British husband. Because my children were born in England, I haven’t had the experience of bringing them up in the USA so it wasn’t until I visited my parents in my home country that I realised just how ‘English’ a mother I am.
The way I parent is greatly influenced by British parenting culture and although I try and put an American spin on some things, where possible, I am more of a British mother than an American mother. Even though I did not grow up in England, nor am I a British national, the way I parent is certainly more English than American.
For example, it is not accepted to reprimand your child by spanking in the UK. In the USA, it is more accepted (spanking on the bottom – NOT hitting your child) and therefore more common and parents are not shocked when they hear of it or see it happening. I think it is actually illegal in the UK! It is also common practice to treat your child as an equal and as a friend in the UK. Parents are more tolerant in general whereas in the US, there are more definite rules and lines that children are not meant to cross and parents, in general are stricter than parents in the UK.
It is also not as acceptable in England to offer parenting advice to friends and family. This can be a real No No with some parents who take offence when offered suggestions or advice and view it as interfering rather than helpful. British people like their privacy and find it impolite to interfere. However, when asked directly, I’ve found they are happy to offer parenting advice. And similarly, when it’s done online where there is a layer of anonymity, British mothers are more open to giving and receiving parenting advice.
These are just a few examples of things I’ve come across while bringing up my children in Britain. What have you discovered? Are you like Amanda – British and raising children in the Netherlands? What challenges have you had regarding raising your children within a different parenting culture?
I very much consider myself to be a third culture parent and sometimes wish I had the strength and gumption to be more ‘American’ in my parenting style. But it’s hard to go against the flow especially when you want to fit in and make friends and you want your children to fit in and make friends as well. I know my mother thinks I don’t discipline my children at all and she thinks the British parenting style is far too relaxed. In the past, this has caused a few difficulties with our close relationship and has had a knock-on effect with her relationship with her British grandchildren.
There are those parents who parent however they see fit no matter where they live or what the parenting culture calls for. Look at the Tiger mother, for instance.
How much does our cultural setting influence the way we parent? How does that effect our relationship with our children and our own families ‘back home’? I am also very influenced by my British husband and the way he parents. But I suppose that is another blog post topic altogether!"
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Bringing Up Brits Guest Post: Standing Out From the Dutch Crowd
Meghan Fenn, author of "Bringing Up Brits", a book about the cultural aspects of expats raising children in Britain, has a blog of the same name. She shares the cultural issues she faces as an American raising her British born children in Britain. Her husband is British, and she's finding that her children fail to identify with her American background and culture, seeing everything from a British perspective.It's a fascinating topic. How, as an expat, do you share your own birth country and culture with your children when they were born elsewhere? It's an issue I've written about before on this blog. It's not easy to instil a sense of foreign identity into children when they come into so little contact with the culture, people, language and traditions. She also gives a great insight into how the British come across to a foreigner. It's quite eye opening.....
So I was delighted when Meghan asked me to write a guest post for her blog. You can read "Standing Out From the Dutch Crowd, British Style" over on the Bringing Up Brits blog, and check out lots of other great posts and join in the discussion whilst you're there.
How do your children stand out from the crowd in the place that you now call home?
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