Summer Culture Fun for Kids

We're in the home straight now as this school year races to an end. Six weeks of silent alarm clocks, days stetching into each other with no fixed routine and no place to be. For some bliss, for others a scary prospect. But a summer break with a theme and a focus will soon turn any doubting frowns into fun smiles.

We're exploring Germany during some of the holidays but for the majority of the summer break we'll be home in the Netherlands so I've decided to get my children exploring some other places in the world without leaving the house. Well, without leaving the country in any case.

At the beginning of each week we're home I plan to give my three sons a little suitcase with a pack which will help them learn about the culture of one particular country or place. In our case it will be Britain, New York State and Madagascar, the first two because we have family ties to both places. Here's how I plan to go about our summer of culture fun......

Firstly the suitcase will contain:

•  a cover sheet with the country/ place name, map and a blank flag template.

• a basic fact list for the children to discover and fill in over the course of the week: population, nearest country, language spoken there, native language name for the country, most famous landmark, capital city - that type of thing.

• colouring pages related to the country/place.

• a recipe for a national dish - for the children to cook/make during the week.

• instructions to head to the library and borrow books about the place/country.

The suitcase will also include envelopes for them to randomly open with different missions such as these:

1. Find the country/place in an atlas.
2. Paint the national flag. 
3. Make the national flag with iron on beads.
4. What is the climate like there? What would you pack if you were to visit there? Ask them to go pack a bag as if they were going on a trip there. 
5. Find out about an animal that lives there which you can't find in the Netherlands. Write a few lines about it. Cut out pictures of what it eats. Draw the animal. Use playdough to make the animal. Make a painting. The possibilities are endless!
6. What food is a speciality there? 
7. What sport do they play there? Ask the children to try and play the game i. The garden or at the local park. Improvise if you don't have exactly the right tools.
8. Complete a jigsaw puzzle that has the country/place in it (we have puzzles of Europe). Take a picture of the country, print it out and stick it on the fact sheet.
9. Listen to some music from the country. Dance. Try and learn a few steps from the national dance if there is one.
10. Learn to count to five in the local language. 
11. Send a postcard to someone in the country. 
12. What is the national currency? 
13. Watch a YouTube video about the country.
14. Play a game online relevant to the country.
15. Do a word search. You can find word search generators online so you can create your own and make it as easy or as difficult as necessary.
16. Do a craft.
17. What national holidays are celebrated? 

All activities and questions can be made age appropriate. My eldest is 8 but spends little time on the computer at home and tends to use it in school for Dutch language and maths related activities so it will be good for him to use the internet to find out facts. You can be as creative as you like - for example if there are volcanoes in your chosen country you could use an experiment to bring some volcanic action to your garden.

Bring in history and social studies for older children, talk about the difficulties the country faces. The possibilities are endless!  

I will also suggest they contact family and friends to ask for help with different questions about New York State and Britain. 

I've set up a Pinterest board called Summer Culture Fun where resources will be collated - anyone wanting to join in let me know and I will add you as a pinner.  

6 Reasons I'm Happy I'm Raising Children in the Netherlands

I live in a country where children generally fare well in happiness surveys and Dutch children always rate much higher in the happiness stakes than British children ever do.

It's no coincidence that the Dutch shine through in reports such as the UN's World Happiness Report. From what I see around me, the Dutch work consciously to raise happy, healthy, independent children* and I consider myself lucky to be raising three children here.

So, for the record, here are my six reasons why I'm happy I'm raising my children in the Netherlands.

1. School Allows Children to be Children

Dutch children are allowed to concentrate on what they do best: they are given plenty of time for the important job of play. Even though the majority of Dutch children start school at the age of 4 (though not mandatory until age 5) the theme running through their days remains 'play'. They learn through play (spelenderwijs leren) and only when they start in group 3 (when they are 6 or 7) is there any pressure on them to formally start reading and writing. The foundation is laid in the earlier school years whilst there are no expectations of them. By the time they reach group 3 most children have learnt the basics of reading and writing in a playful, 'no pressure' manner.

My experience is that the focus in groups 1 and 2 of our little Dutch school is to help children work self sufficiently, to raise their social awareness, learn how to co-operate in a group, to look after and out for each other. These are the years that my children learn that there are rules and boundaries outside of their home too, in a classroom. But they learn this in a safe, respectful, playful way. 

My four year old has day and week tasks that consist of things like finger painting an autumn tree and building a hut with blocks. He proudly tells me how hard he has worked, how he has completed his week tasks and yet, in reality, he has spent the week creating and playing. Oh, and learning. 

Their future is not mapped out by the age of four.

My children will only start getting homework when they move to group 6. Yes, my eldest is asked to practice his times tables at home, and in group 1 and 2 he took bear home and (mama) had to write about what bear had done over the weekend, but hours of maths and language homework after school? No, not until he is nine or ten, and even then it is given in moderation. 

This gives my children time to do what they do best; they come home from school and play. Which brings me nicely to my second reason. 

2. An Outdoor Culture

The Dutch are outdoor people. And so are their children. If they are not cycling they are on steps, skateboards or roller skates. In winter they are on sledges or ice skates.

Children are encouraged to play on the streets in residential areas (where traffic signs indicate children are at play and the speed limit is severely reduced).

My children love being outdoors, love being active in all sorts of weather. It reminds me of my own childhood in Britain in the 1980s, when we entertained ourselves out on the street with nothing but our imaginations, or perhaps a ball and our bikes.

3. Child Friendly Society

We don't have to walk far in our neighborhood to stumble over yet another children's playground or park. They are all small scale but varied and numerous. If we really wanted to, we could visit a different playground on foot each day of the week. Neighbourhoods are designed with children in mind.

Similarly, many restaurants are child friendly and the amount of amusement parks, animal parks and children's attractions across the Netherlands is just staggering for such a small country. There's more than enough to entertain children of all ages.

4. A Sense of Community

Like many playgrounds, Dutch primary schools are also small scale, but numerous, and children usually attend a school close to home. School catchment areas are generally quite small (but not fixed - if you want to send your child to a school further away you may).

This means that school runs are generally done on foot or by bike, and when primary school children are older it gives them a sense of independence that children don't feel being ferried to school in big cars, the type you see clogging up the roads around the schools in England.

I like that the Dutch tend to keep things local. My children go to school with children they live near. After school children play together in the local playgrounds with their classmates. It gives a sense of community. Work together, play together.

5. Dutch State

The importance of family filters down from the politicians. There are various state benefits for families with children: subsidies for child care as well as child benefit payments. State education is free. The Dutch youth care system is wide and varying - and in most cases the services are free.

It starts from birth with help from kraamzorg and continues with visits to the consultatiebureau, which, love it or hate it, is undeniably a unique service for parents. The system may not be perfect, but whenever I have needed a helping hand as a parent I've had welcome support. Even though I am an expat with a small family support network, I feel like I have people to lean on if I need it, because of the Dutch youth system.

This could easily be the motto of the Dutch when it comes to raising children

6. Work Life Balance

Last but absolutely not least, the focus on striking a balance between working and family life is extensive. Putting the emphasis on family life is ingrained in Dutch society.

More than a fair share of the working population works part-time, predominantly women, all with the aim of being around for their children and working around school hours. Again, love it or loathe it it is how it is. I happen to love it.

Parents, whatever their situation, need to find a work and family balance that works for them and the Dutch attitude and family culture means that parents have options.

Children have parents that, in general, have the opportunities and time to be present and involved.

It's Not Hagelslag, It's Attitude

So, my belief is that the happiness of Dutch children has nothing to do with hagelslag (sprinkles) on bread for breakfast as others have lightheartedly suggested, rather it stems from an attitude, a deep ingrained culture that focuses on children and allows them to make the most of childhood.

Dutch parents around me don't put pressure on their children to grow up fast. Instead, they give them permission to be children for as long as possible and not worry about their future at a young age. I recently read a few articles about American parents pressuring their children to excel in many fields from a young age, both in and out of school, children that have an after school activity schedule that would make most Dutch children's eyes water.

It's true that the Dutch have a reputation for being liberal, a bit too liberal on some matters in some culture's eyes, but what I see is an openness and a manner of carefully considered parenting that seems to work, which seems to foster independent children that feel listened to, that feel valued. Ones that are keen to tell researchers who care to ask that they are happy with their lot.

So, I for one intend to keep watching the parenting examples around me, and dish out good doses of Dutch parenting to my three sons. Hopefully, one day, when a UN researcher asks them questions for her World Happiness Report they'll be as positive in their answers as the children that have gone before them.

What do you think makes Dutch children fare so well in happiness studies?Does the parenting culture in your host country differ widely to that in your birth country? Is the local parenting culture where you live something you aspire to?

*It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, that Dutch society has it's share of problems, and that includes the lives of some children too. Some Dutch children live in poverty, some Dutch children live with absent parents, some Dutch children are deeply unhappy. I am in no way suggesting with this post that all Dutch children are ecstatically happy. However, there is a general culture related to parenting that I see every day around me. And that is the essence of this post.*

Lest We Forget - 70 Year Commemoration of D-Day

The images on television over the last few days have been poignant - commemorating D-Day and the Battle of Normandy. Remembering all those that lost their lives at the beginning of the end of World War II. As images flash before me, I can see myself standing in those same places a few years ago when we visited Normandy. The feelings flooded back.

As Obama spoke of the American soldiers as he stood in the Normandy American Cemetery my mind automatically fluttered back to the feeling of horror mixed with serene reflection which overtook me surrounded by 9,387 white crosses marking lost American lives. It is one of the most amazing places I have visited and a site that truly brings home the scale of the loss of life of the D-Day landings and the battles that followed. So many in their final resting place so far from home.

The American War Cemetery in Normandy

The Commonwealth, British and German war cemeteries were no less poignant. 

The British war cemetery in Bayeux: a humbling place to be

So many of the German graves are unnamed soldiers

The German cemetery: the black crosses in contrast to the white
crosses in the American cemetery is striking

In Arromanches-Les-Bains, as Prince William made a speech about ensuring that our generation and the generations to come never forget the sacrifices made on these Normandy beaches, I remembered walking across the beach at low tide to take a closer look at what is left of the floating harbour which is linked to Sir Winston Churchill.

And as we wandered around Normandy we were struck day after day by the scars that the D-Day landings and the Battle of Normandy left on the area. It is immersed in what happened along that coastline seventy years ago. I hope those scars will be an eternal reminder of the sacrifice and bravery of so many who gave their lives for the freedom with we live with today. Lest we forget.

An Expat Book Review: Harvesting Stones by Paula Lucas

 

I have just finished reading the expat memoir 'Harvesting Stones' written by Paula Lucas. It's an autobiographical expat tale like no other I have read. 

The story begins slowly, almost too slowly, on a farm in California with the rather uneventful childhood days of Paula. The relationship between her parents is functional, and Lucas' upbringing is Catholic and rather dull. With every page that I turned the tale snowballed into an even bigger, more unreal story. Only it is far from unreal - it is an honest, brutal account of real life events. And that is why as each chapter progressed my sense of urgency to reach the end of the book grew, I wanted out of the nightmare that Paula Lucas was living. I couldn't sleep another night without reaching an ending, that whilst not exactly happy, was at least an exit. 

Paula met a man, like so many of us have, and the relationship went from wining and dining to living together, from San Francisco to a life in the Middle East. There were signs early on that Ty (not his real name) was somewhat of a social chameleon, that he was hellbent on moulding Paula into his vision of a wife. I found myself willing her to get out whilst she could, say no to his plans for the future. I screamed in my head at her. But Paula got caught in the spiral of their relationship, like a whirlpool that whisked her helplessly deeper and deeper into a bottomless hell. They married and after their first child was born, Paula began to see the true beast unleashed upon her. 

As the years went by, and with two more sons to protect, Paula went through a living nightmare. She was physically and mentally abused. She was locked in her house, locked out of her house, her children punished for hugging her, she was beaten, financially paralysed. Her three children were physically, sexually and mentally abused. Her life was threatened on more than one occasion, once in a car accident and another time with a knife whilst her son was forced to look on. 

He told her, "I will hunt you down and slaughter you like animals no matter where you are in the world."

Her American passport, as well as those of her sons, were hidden by Ty. The American Embassy could not issue new ones without the consent of both parents. Her husband's family turned a blind eye. Nobody could or would help. She was trapped, convinced the only way out was in a body bag.

It took a superhuman burst of courage and determination to get out. And a thief in Germany. Paula got her three boys to the United States, but the battle didn't stop there. Thousands of dollars of legal fees later, after numerous court hearings and evaluations, restraining orders, a temporary life on the move and in shelters Paula and her boys finally started afresh. She was lucky to have the help, love and support of good family and friends. Not all victims of domestic violence are as lucky as Paula (and yes I know how ironic that sounds) so Lucas made a covenant with God that if she should escape the hell that was her life in the Middle East with her tyrant husband she would help other Americans overseas in a similar situation. 

And that is exactly what this remarkable woman did. Whilst living in a women's shelter, she founded the Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center (AODVC). Last year she set up the Sexual Assault Support & Help For Americans Abroad Program (SASHAA). She wrote this book, put her own story out there, to highlight a little known or cared about issue. And this is not an issue that is constrained to the Middle East, American women in Europe can also find themselves trapped, in the impossible situation of needing permission from a child's abusive father to take them back to the safety of the United States.

I have gasped, held my breath and shed tears whilst reading this book. It is harrowing. I can only imagine the daily terror that Lucas went endured to keep herself and her three sons alive. This book is a chilling account of life as the victim of an abuser. It is a tale of extreme bravery, courage and the love of a mother for her innocent children. It is written in a wonderful style that makes it very readable but this book is by no means an easy read. It is a memoir that will continue haunting, long after the last page is turned. 

You can learn more about Paula Lucas and her memoir on her Facebook Page and website. Furthermore you can read the first chapter here.

Sharing Our Roots - an interview with Britt Breu

In the third post of this series American expat Britt Breu shares her views on passing on her birth country culture with her children. Britt currently lives in South Africa with her German born husband and her two children who in turn were born in England and Germany.

Photo Credit: Stephen J. Sullivan

Both of Britt's children have dual nationality (American and German) and it was a decision that the couple took to open up the world to their children.

"Initially it was important to me that both have the choice of where to later study and live. Now, I believe it will enable them to. move more freely about the globe," says Britt.

Britt not only believes that her children should know about the countries she and their father were born in, but also any country they call home along the way even if it is temporarily. Britt explains why,

"I believe it is important for my kids to know about where they were born, where they currently live and the counties of which they are citizens. All of these things influence who they are and are a part of their heritage in my eyes, even if we are or were only guests. It will allow them to be more flexible and allow for greater tolerance of others later down the road."

Like Charlie and Vinita, Britt uses media extensively to share American culture with her children. She reads American books to them and plays children's music from the States with them. She also makes sure to talk about topical events with them. She explains further,

"I talk about American current events that a three year old can relate to and understand - not how the Democrats took the Senate but weather phenomena like Sandy,  and about seasons (since we are now in another hemisphere) and American holidays. I will definitely talk about politics and history when both are a bit older, as well as show them my absentee ballots when voting".

Family back in America and Germany also play an important role in sharing the culture of those countries with Britt's children. Through Skype the children hear about every day life in the USA and Germany. In fact, Britt states that she relies heavily on technology to share information with her children about the countries they have a link to.

"For us, YouTube, resources online and Skype are essential parenting tools. I don't think I could do it otherwise."

However, local groups and resources also prove to be a valuable in keeping German culture at the heart of their family,

"I enrolled my daughter in a German language nursery school and have taken both my kids to German mum and baby groups."

Traditions and holidays are also marked to help share important cultural origins. Britt tells,

 "I incorporate what I understand to be our national traditions with those of my husband's alongside those of our host country's - things like roasting a turkey for Thanksgiving. Last year I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the computer with my daughter since that was something we always looked forward to as kids. That is when we knew Christmas was coming."

Like the other parents interviewed for this series, Britt agrees there is little that can beat regular trips back to a country to immerse your children in the culture of a land. Britt however also notes that it is essential in her eyes for the family to get involved with the culture and citizens of the country they are living in.

Photo credit: Leigh-Anne Auerswald

But it is not always easy. The challenges of keeping the American and German cultures alive whilst living in South Arica certainly keeps Britt on her toes.

"I face three major challenges bringing up my kids here in South Africa:

1. Lack of family close by. I think every expat mum can relate here. 
2. Trying to encourage the use of the German language and promote German culture while trying to reinforce Americanisms is hard when another form of your mother tongue is spoken all around you and your kids start becoming and speaking more like your guest countrymen than you. 
3. The safety issue. Everywhere else we have lived, we have been able to live so carelessly and not be conscious of our safety at all times. It has been especially daunting at the beginning of our stay here."

Bringing up bilingual children is an issue that many expats face and Britt is no exception but it is not a challenge she shies away from.

Britt says, "now that we are here in RSA and were in Manchester 3 years ago, raising the kids to speak English has been easy.  When we lived in Germany, I  spoke English to the kids and showed them American TV shows for kids. Eva spoke better English than German whilst we were living in the UK and then the other way round when we left Germany for Cape Town. Now I have to encourage German through TV, online media, books and the pre-primary. I am doing this because I believe bilingualism or multilingualism, or better yet, multiculturalism is the best gift you can give your children."

Third Culture Parenting – Parenting Outside Your Own Culture

I recently guest posted for Bringing up Brits on the topic of raising kids who were born in a different country to the one I was born in. I asked Meghan Peterson Fenn, author, expat and blogger, to reciprocate and guest post about life as an American bringing up children who are, in essence, British. What she had to say about parenting in the UK was an eye opener for me for sure. Over to Meghan......

Meghan Peterson Fenn

"Raising children can be difficult at the best of times. The way we parent is determined by many factors and our cultural environment and heritage are definitely important. I am an American mother raising my three children in the UK with a British husband. Because my children were born in England, I haven’t had the experience of bringing them up in the USA so it wasn’t until I visited my parents in my home country that I realised just how ‘English’ a mother I am.

The way I parent is greatly influenced by British parenting culture and although I try and put an American spin on some things, where possible, I am more of a British mother than an American mother.  Even though I did not grow up in England, nor am I a British national, the way I parent is certainly more English than American.

For example, it is not accepted to reprimand your child by spanking in the UK. In the USA, it is more accepted (spanking on the bottom – NOT hitting your child) and therefore more common and parents are not shocked when they hear of it or see it happening. I think it is actually illegal in the UK! It is also common practice to treat your child as an equal and as a friend in the UK. Parents are more tolerant in general whereas in the US, there are more definite rules and lines that children are not meant to cross and parents, in general are stricter than parents in the UK.

It is also not as acceptable in England to offer parenting advice to friends and family. This can be a real No No with some parents who take offence when offered suggestions or advice and view it as interfering rather than helpful. British people like their privacy and find it impolite to interfere. However, when asked directly, I’ve found they are happy to offer parenting advice. And similarly, when it’s done online where there is a layer of anonymity, British mothers are more open to giving and receiving parenting advice.

These are just a few examples of things I’ve come across while bringing up my children in Britain. What have you discovered? Are you like Amanda – British and raising children in the Netherlands? What challenges have you had regarding raising your children within a different parenting culture?

I very much consider myself to be a third culture parent and sometimes wish I had the strength and gumption to be more ‘American’ in my parenting style. But it’s hard to go against the flow especially when you want to fit in and make friends and you want your children to fit in and make friends as well. I know my mother thinks I don’t discipline my children at all and she thinks the British parenting style is far too relaxed. In the past, this has caused a few difficulties with our close relationship and has had a knock-on effect with her relationship with her British grandchildren.

There are those parents who parent however they see fit no matter where they live or what the parenting culture calls for. Look at the Tiger mother, for instance.

How much does our cultural setting influence the way we parent?  How does that effect our relationship with our children and our own families ‘back home’? I am also very influenced by my British husband and the way he parents. But I suppose that is another blog post topic altogether!"

If you want to learn more about Meghan Peterson Fenn, author of Bringing Up Brits: Expat Parents Raising Cross-Cultural Kids in Britain head over to www.bringingupbrits.co.uk. You can read an excerpt from her Bringing Up Brits book here.