I'm A Boy Mama

I was fascinated by a blog post called '10 Ways to Embrace Being a Mother of Boys" by Chelsea on the Moments A Day site (if you're not familiar take a peek - it's a fabulous parenting resource). She is the mother of two boys and experienced gender disappointment firsthand. Go take a read of the post, I'll wait; I've lots to do in the meantime....

Done reading? So, if you're the mother of boys, and solely boys, does the article resonate with you? Did you always envision you would have a daughter one day?

When I read Chelsea's post I sat with my mouth open, never having contemplated that being a mum to only boys could need some getting used to and extra work. It never crossed my mind that a job as mama could be made tougher by the fact that you're the only female in the house.

And never having dwelt on the fact that parenting only boys requires a mind shift for some I guess I hadn't really thought in depth about how I feel being a mama to three boys. Until now.

Photo Credit: Shannon Pifko

I can honestly say I love being a boy's mama. I can't imagine being the mother of three girls. Or a mixed bunch. Aside from the fact that I have had nearly two years to get used to being the only female in the house, I don't feel like the odd one out.

When I was pregnant for the third time I had a sneaking suspicion I was carrying a baby that would give me a trio of young males to mother. The twenty week scan showed my hunch was right. Was I secretly hoping for a girl? In all honesty, I thought it might be nice to have a little girl to add to the pair of boys I already had but when the sonographer said, "clearly a boy," I wasn't disappointed. It wasn't a surprise. And I liked the idea of another little boy - plus it made our hectic life that little bit easier as our ready supply of boys clothes was endless and boys toys already filled our home already.

Once he was born I had a fair few people saying,

"Oh, another little boy is also okay."

As if there was a possibility that it actually wasn't. For us a third boy was no way a disappointment - we could already vouch for the fun you can have raising little boys. Three boys was more than okay with us.

Then we had a run on questions like,

"Will you try for a fourth? For a girl?"

Er no. We're okay thanks.

When I read Chelsea's piece on it being hard to be a parent to only boys it started me thinking. Why don't I have a problem with having three children who are all the opposite gender to me?

I think it's because I wasn't really a girly girl. At least not as a teenager. My best friends from age fifteen onwards were generally male. Not in a tomboy way, but I preferred their straight talking, honest company. I have one brother. No sisters. In short, I've been more comfortable in the company of males for as long as I can remember.

Photo Credit: (StockXchng) Melodi2

So the leap to being comfortable as the mother of three males wasn't such a big one I guess. I would much rather be on the floor chugging a Thomas the Tank engine round the tracks than singing a K3 song into a toy microphone (if you don't know what I mean with K3, count yourself lucky). Pink bedrooms, dolls houses and Hello Kitty doesn't stir any wistful longing for female company at home. Plucking stones and sticks from jeans pockets before they head into the washing machine is okay with me. Kicking a ball around is fine too. Probably because I really like football, it was me, not my husband that was part of football team growing up. I spent my childhood standing on football terraces. Football has been a part of my life for more decades than I care to admit. So kicking a ball around with my sons? No problem at all.

I'm certainly not saying being the mother to boys only is easy. It's not. In her post, Chelsea has great tips for connecting to sons if it doesn't come naturally. I struggle with the endless questions on topics outside my remit like dinosaurs, Spiderman, volcanoes and bugs. Google has become my best friend. And believe me I'm dreading the teenage years which will hit before we know it. Testosterone everywhere. I'm guessing moody, pimply, hormonal males in the house may not be the most fun you can have as a mother...... but I know from experience a teenage girl is no more an inviting prospect than the one I face - my own mum will testify to that!

Of course, there are advantages to being the only female in the house. The girly things I want to do means I get to have me time, like a monthly escape for a facial for example whilst the boys drag their father skateboarding and to train museums.

And I take heart in the fact that we, mothers of boys, have the chance to show and teach our sons about what are considered in society to be feminine traits - like it's okay to cry, to show emotion, to not like rough, physical contact on the school playground. We can help shape their sensitivities and be role models to our sons, not accepting the stereotypical view of boys that society tends to have. That's our important role whilst papa does the active stuff. (If you want an excellent read about sensitive boys then you can't go wrong with Ted Zeff's book - see affiliate link above.)

For now, whilst my three are so young, I'll take the toy cars and Lego over horses and pink jewellery boxes. I'll keep Googling about T-rexes and beetles and scouring the internet for a Spiderman costume. I'm more than contented with my lot and I guess if I'd have had three girls I'd probably be writing my own version of Chelsea's post....

How To Get Your Children to Fall in Love with Reading

I read an article last week about boys falling behind girls in school and particularly when it comes to reading. I am a writer, therefore I read. I read a lot. Whilst I don't quite have the time to read like I used to pre-motherhood I still try and get through as many books as I can. If you want your kids to read, then be a role model for them, let them see you reading for pleasure. I encourage my three sons to look at books as much as possible and so far it has paid off - my sons love looking at books and it is fun to watch my eldest enthusiastically start his reading journey.

"Kids with parents who read for pleasure are six times more likely to do so themselves -- and their grades shoot up. Which is why I talk about the books I love, and ask kids about their favorites, every chance I get." Lisa Bloom (Author, 'Swagger: 10 Urgent Rules for Raising Boys in an Era of Failing Schools, Mass Joblessness and Thug Culture')

I was quite shocked to read that boys have a tendency to think that reading is a girl's thing and I intend to do everything in my power to make sure my three sons continue to think that reading is the most natural thing in the world and I want to keep them interested in it as a foundation for later years. Not only are their language skills enhanced, reading also provides fun moments and important relaxation for children who tend to be hopping from one extra-curriculum activity to another.

Story Time
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Books are an important part of our home. To get children looking at books the most important thing is make them accessible. We have a bookcase in our front room and the bottom two shelves are filled with books for the children. Even our 19 month old shuffles over to the bookcase, grabs himself a book, toddles over to the sofa and inelegantly hoists himself up to sit so he can thumb through his book. When he's finished he throws the book on the floor or table and returns to the bookcase for another book. (We're working on the last stage of this with him......)

My eldest two often sit with a book for a few minutes before we leave for school in the mornings and discuss the size of dinosaurs, the meaness of the look on a T-Rex's face or how fast Thomas the Tank Engine can go around Sodor.

They also each have a bookshelf in their room with English and Dutch language books, and we keep books on hand in the car to entertain them on longer journeys. They never have the excuse that they can't get to a book!

To keep children interested, you can put a basket of books under the coffee table filled with topically themed book. Gather books about summer as warmer days come to greet us, or about autumn as the leaves turn to beautiful shades of red and start tumbling to the ground, or put a basket of Christmas related books under the Christmas tree - keeping a theme going makes reading particularly relevant to the children. You can also match the book theme to projects the children are working on in school, or for pre-schoolers events or celebrations that effect them such as potty training, birthdays or an impending house or country move.

Story time also gets children buzzing about books in our house. If you make story time an event it not only provides cosy family moments to cherish, but also shows children how fun and uniting books can be. In the summertime grab a blanket and an ice cream and sit under the shade of a tree with a book and read to your kids. Last Christmastime the five of us gathered around the dining table, illuminated only by candlelight, holding our mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows and listened to papa reading "De Kleine Kerstman" (Santa's Littlest Helper). The kids loved it and were a captive audience. And we did too. And as a bonus, you show your sons that reading is not a girly activity if dad is the one doing the reading.

Use books as the basis for other activities
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Using books as the foundation for other activities is also popular in our house. My three year old and I recently sat and read The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle together. Then we grabbed play dough and made the caterpillar and the food he ate through. My pre-schooler loved it. There are so many wonderful, creative websites out there that can give you ideas - one of my favourites is The Imagination Tree.

I also recently had the pleasure of reviewing Giselle Shardlow's kid's yoga book Luke's Beach Day: A Fun and Educational Kids Yoga Story and we had a lot of fun going through this book together - reading and then trying out the yoga positions. Such activity books are a great way to get kids falling in love with books.

If you are lucky enough to still have a local library then make use of it. It has a real sense of an outing for my children when we say we're going to the library to choose some books. It's a great way to build on the fleeting interests that children suddenly have. My six year old has become fascinated with dinosaurs so we took him to the library to check some books out. He loved choosing them and his library membership is free. Many libraries also have a regular story time for toddlers which is great fun for them, and makes the idea of books and reading natural from the start.

Some of our family favourites: