A Shout Out for all the Expats Spending New Year's Eve Alone

I was reminded yesterday that fifteen years ago I spent my first New Year's Eve in the Netherlands alone. Completely and totally alone. In a new house, in a new country. Just me and my tears at midnight.

I had been in the Netherlands for just over three months and my Dutch partner and I were in the middle of making the house we had just bought habitable. We 'moved in' a week previously, and I use the term moved in loosely. The house was half painted downstairs; we had spent Christmas morning sanding the floor. It was sparsely spotted with a few belongings here and there. It was pretty dismal in the best of circumstances, let alone as the backdrop for the first New Year's Eve celebration in a new country - alone. He had to work a nightshift.

I have written a couple of articles about celebrating New Year in the Netherlands, and none of them are very positive but on Facebook yesterday that very first New Year's Eve flashed back suddenly when a fellow expat shared that she would be spending this evening alone because her Dutch husband is working. Been there. Done that. Wouldn't recommend it. But looking back, it may just have done me some good. Going through the rough times helps you recognise and appreciate when you have it good.

Expat life is not easy for many of us, no matter what others around us may think. Even after fifteen years in the Netherlands life as an expat is still not without niggles and negatives. But I do know it gets easier.  I promise expat life gets easier.

Each New Year celebration that comes my way allows me to see just how far I have come. I'm practically a local at this New Year in the Netherlands things (except for the indiscriminate blowing up of street furniture and the brainless random setting off of decorative fireworks in broad daylight) as I munch on olieballen and prepare a gezellig meal for the family, putting champagne on ice for midnight and waking the children up to gaze at the fireworks that light up the sky.

I couldn't spend New Year's Eve alone these days, even if I wanted to (and believe there are some days I wouldn't mind an evening entirely alone, even New Year's Eve!) as I have three young sons. They are not the only positive things, but without a doubt the best things to come out of the expat life I chose, the one that started with a New Year's Eve alone, an evening that looking back I wouldn't change a second of. It was part of the path that got me to today.

So, wherever you are celebrating, whether you are with loved ones, a room full of strangers, or alone I wish you a wonderful passage into 2016. If you are a newbie expat remember that this evening signifies the start of another year of expat life under your belt - and it gets easier. I promise.

New Year's Bonfires in Scheveningen

As has become custom over the years, two bonfires are currently being built up ready for a New Year's Eve party and a half on the beach at Scheveningen. These bonfires have now been officially listed as part of the Dutch national cultural heritage. They are here to stay.We went to take a peek today......there are so many words to describe what is going on there but I'm not sure any of those I use really capture the craziness that is going on on the beach. There are wooden pallets everywhere waiting to be hoisted up to the top of the crate mountain. There are lorries coming and going, swerving around fork lift trucks. There are men moving around from one spot to the other adorned with matching black tops, some chatting to the police or fire brigade representatives, some necking from beer or Smirnoff bottles and some just milling around. It's one in the eye for health and safety fanatics.........
It's a fascinating sight, in an 'oh my god how does nobody end up killing themselves' sort of way...... 

You can read more about my take on New Year celebrations in the Netherlands over on Amsterdam Mamas and Haarlem Expats.

The Year 2015: Finding My Place Again in the Snow Globe

2015. What will it bring? I actually just reread a post I write a year ago called "What does 2014 hold?" and I can honestly say that I could rewrite that post but change the names around a bit. 2015 will be a huge change for me personally, but not until October. October is the month that Mr O, the baby of the family (I need to stop calling him that - he's three for goodness sake), will turn four and then start at primary school too. In October 2015 I will have three school going children. For the first time in nearly nine years there will be no children at home during the school day (apart from lunchtime then). Just me. 

Part of me is dancing a very energetic happy dance at the thought. Part of me is a little mournful. How fast they grow. However, I have another nine months with my youngest at home before those child free hours are upon me. And I plan to make the most of them with him.

There are some other things I plan to do in 2015 too, and when I stumbled across this "Imagining the New Year" blog link up I decided to put those plans down on virtual paper. I also created a Pinterest board called the Year 2015 to keep me motivated. So here goes! Three main things to focus on in 2015.

1. Be More Comfortable in My Own Skin

The last eight years have been a collage of new motherhood, sleepless nights, pregnancies, breastfeeding, weaning, applauding firsts three times around - like crawling, talking and walking, nursery school starts, first school days, learning how to parent a highly sensitive child and parenting as a highly sensitive person and going through a huge career change. It's been an intense time.

From the moment we welcomed our first child to the world it was like a giant hand was shaking a snow globe around me - and it feels like it is only now that the snow is beginning to settle. Things feel stable around me. But I feel out of sorts. Like I have been left hanging a little off kilter in my snow globe world. I'm not quite where I should be. And this year I want to work on changing that.

I want to feel more comfortable being me again. That's both physically and mentally. More mindful eating. Eat breakfast (a small tweak that will apparently change my year). More physical movement, but something that works for me instead of another failed gym membership. A wardrobe overhaul. More sleep. More time with my husband, letting him know just how important he is. Our marriage was put on the back-burner whilst we learnt the parenting ropes. It was put low down on the priority list whilst we struggled with the ups and downs of parenthood. We have more time and the chance to change focus now.

2. Calm My Mind

I saw this gem about a woman's mind being like an internet browser with a whole host of pages open at the same time and it summed up perfectly for me how my mind is constantly busy. I'm always thinking about all the things that I 'need' to do. If the children are at school and my youngest is napping, I am always doing something - and that has been the way it has been since I became a mother. I remember a friend saying how wonderful her son's nap times were because she could read her magazines in peace and I was perplexed as to why I could never consider that to be something I could do without feeling guilty, without feeling I should be doing something else more 'worthwhile'.

A few weeks ago, in the height of the December madness, I sat down one morning, whilst all three children were in school, and I watched an episode of Downton Abbey. And I switched off. Ignored the nagging in my mind that I should be doing one of the things on my bullet journal list. Or cleaning some part of the house, which was quite frankly way overdue. I stuck two fingers up to my own thoughts, drank coffee and slobbered over watched the lovely Hugh Bonneville instead. I can count on one hand how many times I have taken this kind of time alone since my first son was born in 2007. And now I know I need to give myself permission to take time for myself. Just to do nothing. To switch off. To calm my mind. To read. To watch something. Just because.

2015 is a year I vow to invite less stress into my life. Instead, there will be more calm and I will have more patience - with myself, and with my children.

I plan to calm my mind with more creative journalling, by emptying my thoughts onto blank pages. I plan to breathe more consciously - be more mindful of my own breathing. To practice what I preach to my sons. To calm it down. To nurture my inner calm. To enjoy the little moments more instead of constantly planning for the bigger ones. A happiness jar will help with that.

I want to close some of these internet pages that are constantly open in my mind. Open one page at a time, deal with it and then close it down. More focus. Less energy wasted. Less chaos. More calm in my mind.

3. Explore My Home

A few years ago, I had a vision board and one of the items was about exploring the Netherlands. The plan was to see something new in the country I call home every month. And then two more children came along and the good intention fell by the wayside. This year, I am breathing new life into it.

Last weekend we headed to the Veluwe for a walk, instead of going to one of our usual walking destinations. My husband suggested it, and usually on the Sunday before the kids are due back at school after a holiday I would have dismissed the idea of venturing out a little further. This time I embraced the idea, let my husband lead the way and I just followed.

I'm planning a list of things I want to see in the Netherlands. I made a Dutch bucket list last year, but this is a real places to see list. What should be on it? What is a must see in the Netherlands?

And another little thing that I really want to get under my belt is driving. I wrote about this before and even made some progress taking lessons as a refresher, but then I fell down the stairs and was out of action for a while. This morning I drove a little in our car for the first time. Hopefully I'll keep building on that...... keep asking me!

So that's my 2015 plan in a nutshell.

What does 2015 hold for you? What one thing are you determined to do this year?

My Sunday Photo: Happy New Year Breakfast

To welcome 2015 in we had a special, feestelijk breakfast of pancakes. It's the little things that create childhood memories, I'm sure.

Happy 2015: Nieuwjaars Duik

Nothing says Happy New Year like a New Year's Dive into cold water. And so it was with intrepidation that we set off to the Noord Aa in Zoetermeer. 

The band was playing. The orange hats were bobbing in anticipation. The clothes came off. The rescue workers took to the water. Pumped up music started playing. The warm up began. 

And my goodness it was cold. Cold with a capital C. Cold enough to freeze the .... you get the picture.

Next year we may even go in the water ourselves.....

Happy 2015 to all of you - may it be all you wish for.

Happy New Year: Scheveningen and Oliebollen

When it comes to New Year's Eve in the Netherlands the Dutch seem to like to either blow things up or burn things. A good example of this is in Scheveningen, which is where we headed this afternoon to take a peek.

There, on the beach, pallet mountains are being built to burn at midnight. As a Brit my health and safety alarms were ringing like they have never rung before but hey, their pallet pile, their risk...... right?

It's nuts and I have never seen anything like it - but I guess at midnight it is a fire and a half......

Turning the other direction on the beach, away from Scheveningen,  the view was spectacular. A beautiful image to end the year with.

And in other news today I made oliebollen. From scratch. I have been in the Netherlands now for fourteen years so I thought it was about time I gave it a go. Oliebollen are a doughnut like treat and more traditionally Dutch and New Year's Eve you cannot get. The ones I made looked like oliebollen. They tasted like oliebollen. They were lekker! 

So on that note, I wish you all a wonderful evening and all the best for 2015!! 

What Does 2014 Hold?

I'm no fortune teller but there are a few things I already know will happen this year. One is that my baby (Mr O) starts the peuterspeelzaal (psz). Well, he actually started last Monday, joining his three year old brother (Mr C) there who is a bit of a psz pro. His eldest brother made him a special "first day at school hat" which he wore proudly.

Mr O didn't hesitate to join the school going population, albeit for only a couple of hours twice a week. In fact, he'd been displaying more and more resistance each week to leave the psz when dropping off his brother. Last Monday, his first day, he smiled, gave a wet kiss to me and his dad and waved us off, hardly looking up from the play dough he was attacking at the time. His brother reassured me that he would look after  the baby of the family, and true to his word the two boys were as sweet as pie together.

They were sat in the circle next to each other the first time the group got together, but the second time another child sat between them. The teacher said she had wondered what they would do. Mr O left his chair, went to his brother, gave him a big hug and then returned to his own chair. They were fine. They were adorable.

I came home, having dropped off all three sons at school, and shed a few tears, marvelled at how time is flying by and how big the boys are getting and then I sat at my desk and started writing. I'll get used to these few precious hours a week when the house is perfectly still. It will become the norm.

Mr O starting at the psz is a forerunner of things to come. After the May school holiday this year my then four year old will join his older brother at primary school. My heart breaks to even think about it right now. So I try not to think about it, treasure every day with him until then and cross that bridge when I come to it. He's ready for school, excited about joining his brother in big school, and whilst I am excited for him too, curious how he'll be in school, I just can't quite believe it's nearly that time already.

On the writing front, I am planning a revamp this year. A new website, getting back into taking on writing assignments, progressing with the book I am writing and getting more involved with other group projects. After all, I do have a few hours extra a week to play with….

What does 2014 hold for you and your family? 

Starting 2014 with a Bang

During the summer of 2013 we made a conscious decision (mostly at my request) to be out of the Netherlands for New Year's Eve. Quite simply because I hate the destruction and vandalism of property and aggression against emergency workers which seems to dominate the headlines on New Year's Day. And before I get a host of protest, I am aware that the majority of the Dutch population use fireworks in a normal manner and only at midnight, and that most Dutch people see the new year in in a gezellig manner. However, there are enough that use fireworks to blow up bins, bus stops, post boxes and even animals for me to personally experience the 31st of December as a complete nightmare.

It is the only day of the year that Dutch individuals are allowed by law to set off fireworks - and so they make the most of it. This means that even young children walk around neighbourhoods with a rucksack full of fireworks, not afraid to use them in any manner they see fit. In short, from 10am on New Year's Eve some parts of the Netherlands sound like what I imagine a war zone sounds like. There are constant bangs and flashes throughout the day. Pensioners, animals and small children spend the day in fear, afraid to leave the house.

Our New Year's Eve on the Beach

We usually get to Christmas (when the illegal setting off of fireworks starts with a vengeance), and I remember how much I hate New Year here by which time it is too late to escape. Last year whilst enjoying our summer holiday at Glynn Barton in Cornwall it occurred to us that spending Christmas and New Year there too would be nice. And it was. We had a fabulous time. We spent New Year's eve in Looe, firstly watching the waves on the beach and taking a wander around, and then eating fish and chips and watching evening fireworks over the sea - the only fireworks we saw and heard that evening. It was  all in good spirit with lots of locals dressed up and heading for the pubs. It was a nice way to spend New Year's eve with the children, despite the rain.

And then on the 1st January my husband and I received an SMS from BurgerNet which informed us that a firework bomb had gone off at 5am that morning, damaging six houses. And

the really good news was that it was in our street. There are less than twenty houses in our street, so the damage rate was pretty high.

My husband contacted a neighbour and we learnt which houses had been hit and ours was not one of them. Our direct neighbours lost two windows. Our house was lucky to go unscathed. Those that were not so lucky spent the first day of the new year getting over the shock of their children being woken up by glass shattering over them whilst they slept, talking to the police and then clearing up glass from their homes. They are now busy with insurance inspectors and claims. Their windows are boarded up or replaced temporarily with emergency glass. It's a miracle no one was injured. One family has temporarily lost their home. Happy new year huh?

This type of act is exactly why we weren't there, and I am glad my children were spared the scare. It is a strange thing, New Year's Eve in the Netherlands. I don't understand it, even after thirteen years here, and I am guessing I never will get my head around the destruction and violence that occurs when a new year is welcomed in.

It seems that there is a lawlessness that doesn't happen at any other time of the year, and one that is accepted. Every year the headlines run the same on the 1st January. Every year I am amazed that celebrations that leave 69 cars burnt out in The Hague are termed as 'relatively quiet'.  There is always some political uproar and calls for fireworks to be banned, but that all dies a death by the end of the first week of January and it all repeats at the end of the year.

Thankfully this is not the usual way to see in a new year. For example American Mom in Bordeaux tells about her celebrations in France: "We have a nice multi-course dinner with friends or family, including regional specialities - we even did this in the States (as my husband is French). Our kids & their friends eat earlier and play quietly until midnight when we all toast in the New Year!"

Rita Rosenback explains that traditions in Finland involve melting tin, as well as the more traditional use of fireworks.

Jonathan of Dad's the Way I Like It explains,

"Here in the UK there's a massive fireworks display in London at New Year and I think that there are smaller displays in quite a few cities. In our rural village in North Wales, we heard a few fireworks going off just after midnight as well."

And of course, in the Netherlands too, most people do know how to have a good time on New Year's Eve without turning to the sort of destruction that so irks the majority. Juliette describes how the Dutch traditionally welcome in a new year,

"We bake and eat "oliebollen". At midnight everyone wishes everyone happy new year, while drinking champagne, usually a lot of phonecalls are made and a lot of texting is going on. Then we go outside and light fireworks or just looks at the firework in the neighbourhood."

Kelley tells how she misses the Dutch new year celebrations,

"We left the Netherlands 2 years ago after living in the Maastricht area for 6 years and LOVED New Years there. We lived across the street from a bar and they would spend a TON of money on fireworks so it was crazy for hours in our street but cheap on our pocketbook. We live in Poland now and they fireworks here too but nothing to the extreme there!"

Wherever you are, I hope you had a fun filled New Year's Eve and I wish you all every happiness for 2014.