Choices, Critics and Meddling Politicians: Parenting Today

The uproar caused by George Osborne in the UK has reached the Dutch press this week too. The Conservative chancellor has managed to rile stay-at-home mothers with his frivolous remarks about mothers choosing to stay at home to look after small children making a lifestyle choice.

In an effort to boost dual income households childcare vouchers up to 1,200 per year per child are up for grabs when both parents are working.  To quote The Telegraph,

"Mr Osborne said: “This Government is on the side of people who want to work hard and get on in life.”

Which obviously does not include stay-at-home mothers.

There has been a similar uproar in the Netherlands over the past few months too following Jet Bussemaker's comments that well educated stay-at-home mothers should feel guilty about their debt to society and that all women should be financially independent of their partners.

Day care or stay at home? Your choice will always
start off the critics
Photo Credit: Afonso Lima

Of course it's a government's job to keep the economy going and stimulate the job market but thoughtless comments from well-meaning out of touch politicians rile me. But that aside, what really riles me is that no matter what you do as a mother it's not right. If you work full time you face criticism that day care is essentially raising your child. If you stay at home you're wasting your education and not contributing to the country's economy.

How about we, as a society, including politicians, butt out and let each family make a decision that works for them. That means not penalising families financially because one of the parents chooses to stay at home and look after their children. It means not making parents feel guilty about the choice they make, whatever that may be. A little more acceptance and tolerance that what works for one family doesn't work for another. Some families have no choices open to them, staying at home is not an option because of financial restraints.

I'm a stay at home mother and that was my choice. Financially, we have that luxury. I don't regard it as a lifestyle choice. I wanted to raise my children, watch them grow, be here for their first words, first steps. I work from home, writing when I can, but it fits in with my family and not the other way around. And I'm happy with that. I'm happy with the choice I made and I don't feel any pressure to leave my children in day care and get back into the workplace on a full time basis.

Pre-children I worked full time, had a higher monthly salary than my partner and was focussed on a career. That all changed when I became pregnant. My mind was set the day my first son was born. The original plan was for me to return to work on a part-time basis, my mother-in-law to look after him for one day a week and the other days for him to go to day care. Once he was born I hated the idea of leaving him. I hated the idea of missing so much of his development whilst I sat in an office making very little difference to the business world or the Dutch economy in reality. My priorities changed. Life changed.

And I am grateful every day that I had that choice to stop working and stay at home. I would make the same decision again and again. Others wouldn't. Their choice. And that's the beauty of the society and the age we live in - we have choices. Let us exercise those choices without others attempting to make us parents feel like whatever we do it is wrong. Let the focus be on family and not politics or economics. Make it easy for mothers and fathers to make the choice that works for them and their children. By all means make it easy for mothers to work full time, but don't label stay at home mothers lazy or criticise part time workers with the same breath. Let's accept the choice of parents to stay at home with their child and not criticise full-time working mothers for putting their children in day care so they can make a living or have a career.

Us mothers have our own internal critic to battle with everyday - we don't need others to add to it......

Motherhood, Passion and a Creative Hat: A Career Crossroads

A Career Crossroads is not always easy to negotiate
Photo Credit: http://www.uniqraphy.de/

I wanted a career that allowed me to wear my creative hat every day, not one that sucked the life out of me. So I made a change. So easy it was not....obviously.... but I did eventually make the switch to a career with the added bonus that I could combine it with motherhood. A career that gave me the freedom to work from home (or anywhere for that matter) and still be around for my children growing up.

I realise how lucky I am to have been able to make a change when I stood before my own career crossroads, to follow my heart and let my passion dictate my career - and my story makes up a piece I wrote for the latest Expats Blog writing contest. Follow me on over there.... take a read and tell me what you think on the Expats Blog page by leaving a comment or liking the post. And whilst your over there, check out some of the other great posts from fellow expats across the world.

Christmas Gifts Crafted by Creative Expats: La Petite Lulu's Soft Toys

Meet Beckett the Bassett Hound
who is soon to join our family
(c) La Petite Lulu

It's nearly here.... the festive season is approaching fast. Sinterklaas is about to hit town so it's time for those gift ideas I promised courtesy of creative expats. This week something very special for the little people in your life. Or come to think of it, for the big people too.

First up is La Petite Lulu's wonderful handmade soft toys for babies and children. Unbeknown to my children they will each be the proud and happy owner of a unique cuddly animal on the 5th December. That's if I can wait that long to give the softies to them and not put them in their shoes before pakjesavond. I've seen them with my own eyes, and felt them with my own hands - they are unbelievably cute, so soft and brilliantly unique. I know these are the toys that my boys will have stashed away in years to come as a memory of their childhood.

Luana, an Australian expat living in the American state of California, lovingly crafts these softies from recycled fabrics and they are all incredibly affordable, even if you take postage from the USA into account.

Some of you expats here in the Netherlands may know Luana already as up until March this year she called the Netherlands home. That's how I came to be a follower of her expat adventures from pregnancy through to first time motherhood via her La Petite Lulu blog. And now, whilst her son is napping Luana is busy crafting these little masterpieces.

Custom made Monty the
Monkey
(c) La Petite Lulu

From dinosaurs to cars, and fairies to flowers, La Petitie Lulu has a range to fulfill every boy or girl's wish. However, if your child's favourite animal or item isn't on display.... she's happy to take custom orders. That's how Monty the Monkey was born - I asked Luana if she could make a monkey and two days later she sent me a photo of her creation. You can't get a more unique gift than that!

Here are just some of the cuties she has created:

Monty's cousin Moe
(c) La Petite Lulu

Little Gray Car
(c) La Petite Lulu

Blossom the bird
(c) La Petite Lulu

Bernard the beaver
(c) La Petite Lulu

To make one of these little treasures a member of your family head on over to her Etsy shop. But wait, one more thing before you disappear... for readers of this blog there is an exclusive discount of 15% off La Petite Lulu's softies. Just enter the code DOUBLEBUGGY at the Etsy checkout.

**I would just like to mention that I am not receiving any commission for promoting any items in this blog series - I am just sharing the love for creative expats because their products are awesome!! :-)**

The Dutch Balancing Act: Home v Work

The balance between home and work
is not always easy
(c) Kriss Szkurlatowski

This is a subject that gets the discussion going.... the work ethic of the Dutch. Lazy or efficient? I'd go for the latter for sure; they work the fewest hours in Europe and achieve one of the highest productivity rates. On top of that they're home for family dinners too. They are surely doing something right.

Whatever your viewpoint the Dutch do seem to have this whole work life balance thing sussed. And I've just written an article on this topic for Amsterdam Mamas for their October theme of balance.

So if you want to read The Dutch Balancing Act, hop on over to Amsterdam Mamas. And whilst you are over at Amsterdam Mamas have a good look around. It is such a great community over there it makes me want to move to Amsterdam!

Papa Day and Quashing A Myth About Dutch Workers

Play Day
Photo: (c) The Writing Well 

Today is 'papa day' in our house. Every other Wednesday my husband doesn't go to work. Instead he stays home to spend time with the kids and we make it a family day. We try not to let errands and obligations take over this day (which tends to happen at the weekend) and concentrate on playing with the kids, or taking them out for the day. Today has just been about spending time with them. Lots of creating with Duplo, playing 'shops' and spending some time in the local library.

This is quite a common thing in the Netherlands - I regularly hear 'papa dag' and it seems to work. The Dutch are masters at balancing work and family life. I have seen recent criticism from expats here that the Dutch are bordering on lazy and are barely in work. Fact is many Dutch breadwinners are in work before most of us have been woken by the irritating tones of the alarm clock. By lunchtime they have put it the bulk of their daily hours so when they leave the office at 4pm laziness and work shy don't come in to the equation.

In fact, the Dutch must be doing something right because in terms of work productivity they rate as one of the highest in the EU. And this whilst working fewer hours per week than most other countries. In happiness studies and surveys the Dutch tend to come out rather well, be it in the home or in the workplace. Yes, I think the Dutch really are doing something right.

So, maybe somewhere in there there is a lesson for employees in other countries.......