Why We Should Tell Our Children Expat Tales

A love story with a trailer
Photo Credit:Michal Zacharzewski SXC

My eldest son is at the age where he has started asking lots of questions about my past, about how life was in England, how I met his father and how I came to the Netherlands. It's a fabulous period of curiosity but also a great reminder for me and my husband of how far we've come. The details of exactly how we met (online in a chatroom) don't really make any sense for him yet (it's something we still find hard to believe looking back so we certainly can't expect a six year old to wrap his head around it) but the story of his papa coming to England by boat with a borrowed Dutch police trailer to collect his mama and all her belongings falls on eager, listening ears time after time. And we love telling the story.

There's nothing traditional about how I came to meet a Dutchman, sell up my flat in Watford, England and move to the Netherlands to make a new life and so it makes for some awesome story telling for our curious children at the stage where they want to know everything that happened before they arrived on the scene.

Last week, a great blog post by Drie Culturen asked whether there was a difference between children and adults living abroad.  In the post, Janneke argues that there is a big difference, namely because adults living abroad have already formed their own identity but a child's identity is still evolving. Whilst she talks about children from the point of view of them growing up abroad her tips are still relevant for those of us raising children in a country where they are native but we, as a parent, are not. She talks about helping children to form their own identity by telling stories about their heritage. She says tell your children stories about their grandparents. I couldn't agree more. And I would also add tell them about your own life back in your home country, about growing up in another country. Tell them their parent's love story. Tell them their birth story. Tell them every story you can think of about their family.

Not all stories need come from books. Share your
family stories with your children
Photo Credit: Patrick Nijhuis

Not only does it help mould their identity, it turns out that story telling is good for their memory too!  An excellent article called "The Stories That Bind Us" in the New York Times about research undertaken to find out whether children that knew more about their past faced adversity better than children with less knowledge about their family's past states,

"The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned."

That's quite something - research showed that children who have a good knowledge of their own family and past functioned better in challenging situations. Brian Gresko followed this topic up in an article and wrote,

"Storytelling has benefits beyond entertainment, which explains why humans have been telling stories for as long as we know. It’s one of the elements that makes us human, I think.........Having a shared story, a shared collection of memories, is a powerful unifying force between people – whether those stories be ones we tell as a nation, an ethnic group, a workforce, or a family."

And as expats, we have some amazing stories to tell our children.... so what are you waiting for? Share those stories today!

What stories do you tell your children about the country you were born in? What stories do you tell about grandparents and your brothers and sisters growing up? I would love to hear your stories!

Sugar and Spice, and All Things Nice

There is a rhyme in English that goes like this:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of !"

What are little girls made of?

"Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of!"

However, here in the Netherlands, it's not just the girls full of sugar and all things nice... it's boys too. Or at least that is the impression I get when I look at typical Dutch breakfast and lunch tables or restaurant choices for kids here. 

For some reason I still don't get after more than a decade here, the Dutch give their children sprinkles and chocolate flakes on bread for breakfast or (maybe even and) lunch. Sugar on bread in essence. And not occasionally or as in a once-a-year-treat-because-it's-your-birthday kind of way. Daily. As in every day. 

Sugar, Sugar and a Little More Sugar
(c) Amanda van Mulligen

Restaurants directed at children either serve fried stuff or sweet stuff for kids. Pancake houses are good examples.... many offer pancakes especially for children. This typically means putting lots of sweets on a pancake, usually in the shape of a face, or providing a child with bowls of various sweet varieties containing more sugar than you would want your child to consume in a decade, let alone during the consumption of one pancake. Don't get me wrong, a pancake house every now and then is a great treat and lots of fun. But sometimes it would be nice to have other options.....

Kid's Menu from The Three Tuns Pub in Reading,
England

When we visit the UK I am always struck that there is such a huge difference and kid's menus are not always unhealthy. Pasta with sauces (including those with hidden vegetables) are often available, or simply the same meals offered to adults but put out in smaller portions for the kids. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to come up with something that isn't fried or isn't sugar to feed to restaurant going children. Does it? Well, that's my take on it and it's been a source of irritation for at least five years now. Ever since I became a mother and adopted the "you're not eating sweets every day" approach to parenting.

Luckily I am not alone. Let me introduce you to Smulpaapje.nl. It is the initiative of Susan Aretz and Annemieke Dubbeldeman who were also fed up with the limited offerings for their children whilst eating out. They set up a site to put restaurants with healthier options for children on the map. It's all new, work in progress but an exciting development. It's worth taking a look at so that maybe next time you want to eat out with your children you don't end up in a pancake house...

Baby Boxes - Gratis!

If you're pregnant in the Netherlands there are freebies to be had - and if you are even a little bit integrated and living like a Dutchie.. then gratis is good! Very good!

You can sign up for baby boxes which contain free samples and small gifts, as well as discount vouchers and information about baby related items and issues. This gives you a chance to sample leading brands before you commit to buying them - particularly handy if you are pregnant with your first baby.

Prenatal and Etos both do baby boxes (one before and one after the birth). Prenatal offers the "blije doos" which you can collect when you are around seven months pregnant, and the "baby doos" when your new arrival is around three months old. To find out more, including what you can find inside the baby boxes, visit http://www.babyinfo.nl/wijjongeouders/deblijedoos.asp.

Etos do a Zwanger Box (which can be collected from your nearest Etos shop up to week 34 of your pregnancy) and a Baby Box when your baby is around three months old.

In the boxes you will find dummies, bibs, comforters, formula samples (for 6 months plus as companies may not legally give out free formula samples meant for the first few months of a baby's life), parenting magazines, bottles, creams and nappies. it provides a great little cache of baby items to get you started - and best of all at no cost!

Are these baby boxes offered in other countries too?