Why The Dutch Refuse to Queue Like the English

Many years ago I read Watching the English by Kate Fox. It's a fascinating read if you are English, spend time with English people, or you just want to get to know us English folk a little better. There was a lot of penny dropping going on during my scurry through the chapters, lots of thigh slapping and "So THAT's why"...... in fact it's probably time for a reread as the book has been revised and updated!

The English, as a nation, are polite. Very very polite. It makes dealing with some of the more blunt Dutch manners even harder for English expats than some other nationalities. However, an American reader got in touch about the annoyance he feels at the lack of queue etiquette in the Netherlands. Ahh, I thought, a pet topic of mine! I am English, therefore I queue.

Dutch Women Do Get Depressed

All the studies and blog posts you read say otherwise, but I can assure you that Dutch women do get depressed.

Go on, Google it, type in "Dutch Women Don't Get Depressed". I'll wait. You see, if you believe what Google comes back with you would think that Dutch women float around the Netherlands with huge grins on their faces whilst their extremely happy children skip along next to them holding their hand.

Oh sure, Dutch women have a lot to be delighted about. The majority works part-time so has time for leisure activities - like sitting on cafe terraces sunning themselves in the summer months, sports and volunteer jobs. They don't stress about careers - how they see themselves is not tied to the role they place in the workplace. Dutch women are not prepared to give up time with their families to climb a workplace hierarchy they have no interest in. The Dutch economy is a developed, relatively rich one and wealth is spread around more evenly than in many other countries. Dutch women are on the whole well-educated.  They have personal freedom and much choice as to how they live their lives. So, yes, Dutch women have a lot to be happy about - and that is reflected in the surveys and studies that hit the headlines every so often.

However, there's another side to all that delusional happiness that the press would have you believe rages in the Netherlands amongst the female population. Dutch women are actually people too. They have issues. They have problems. Gasp! I know. Shocking huh?

Yes, Dutch women can balance five children and a bunch of flowers on their bikes, but many have to expertly balance many other aspects of their lives too - just like women in other countries throughout the world.

Some Dutch women have marital problems and go through divorce.

Tales from the Expat Harem - Book Review

I believe that a book that transports you to another place is the most rewarding read you can get. A book that allows you to experience a different culture or unknown feeling from the comfort of your easy chair, bed or garden, or even the less comfortable perch in the smallest room in the house, is one to rave about.

Reading Tales from the Expat Harem: Foreign Women in Modern Turkey (Seal Women's Travel) (UK link - for US link see Amazon picture below) will make you feel like you have experienced a little of life in Turkey. It is nearly three hundred pages of expat women telling their tales about life in a country that bridges east and west, that even within its own borders joins the modern and the traditional.

4 Invisible Expat Challenges

When you choose to move abroad there are some changes and challenges that are blatantly obvious - right there 'in your face' obvious. Such as the natives speak a different language than you. Like the predominant religion is not yours. Like the food is different to what you are used to eating in your passport country. Like the weather is constantly hot and you are used to four distinct seasons. That kind of obvious.

But there are other challenges of a life overseas that you don't necessarily think about before you make the leap. Like these four things.

1. Living Life in a Second Language

Yes, you got that you'd need to learn a new language when you moved abroad but did you consider that you don't just speak a second language everywhere you go, but that you actually have to live your life in a second language? If you have moved for the long term, or have a local partner then you'll soon get that speaking in a tongue not your own is very different to living life in a tongue not your own.

My husband's first language is Dutch and I obviously knew that before I moved to the Netherlands. But now I realise just what it means when I say my husband speaks and is Dutch. It means my in-laws are Dutch. It means my children are Dutch and they go to a Dutch school - so their teachers speak Dutch. My children's friends communicate in Dutch, as do my children's friends' parents. I do my shopping in Dutch. My neighbours speak Dutch. People who knock on my door speak Dutch (mostly - but those are stories for other posts I think) and when the telephone rings there is a good chance there is a Dutch speaker on the line. Dutch, Dutch, Dutch. One the one hand that's great - you can't beat that kind of immersion when it comes to learning a language. Eventually you actually start thinking partly in Dutch too but are you really ever so fluent that you can be your true self in a second language?


No matter how many books I read in English, how often I speak to my kids in English, how many calls I make back to England to speak to family and friends or how many programmes I watch on the BBC there is no escaping that I live my life in Dutch. Even after 15 years in the Netherlands that is sometimes tiring and frustrating. The words I need to express myself properly are sometimes not on the tip of my tongue. Sometimes I come across as an idiot who can't string a proper sentence together. It can sometimes be a little bit lonely living as a minority of one.......

2. Emergencies and Illnesses Back 'Home'

When there is a medical emergency, or when a relative has little time left on this earth, running to go and see them is not a matter of hopping in your car. I unfortunately know from recent experience that such situations can leave you with a heart wrenching decision. It's an aspect of expat life that only gets harder as the years roll by. Bad news is a fact of life, even expat life. Illness and death do not always give fair warning.

3. Living Between Two Worlds

I'm not Dutch and I never will be. Even if I wandered off tomorrow and picked up Dutch citizenship whilst wholeheartedly renouncing the Brit in me, I still wouldn't be Dutch. However, after 15 years in the Netherlands I am also now too Dutchified to call myself a pure bred Brit. I live life walking along the middle line between two cultures - a cultural and national no-mans land if you like. It's a weird place to live.

4. Celebrations and Parties

Recently (though no longer as recent as I'd like) I turned 40, as did all my friends I went to school with in England. Popping back to celebrate the milestone birthdays with each and every one of them was just not on the cards. The same applies to weddings, christenings and other happy occasions. Logistics rule out joining in every party we're invited to back in my passport country. There are new parties locally to attend of course, but missing out on celebrating with loved ones back 'home' is tough.


Over to You: What challenge did you stumble upon that you hadn't expected or thought about before you moved overseas?

A Shout Out for all the Expats Spending New Year's Eve Alone

I was reminded yesterday that fifteen years ago I spent my first New Year's Eve in the Netherlands alone. Completely and totally alone. In a new house, in a new country. Just me and my tears at midnight.

I had been in the Netherlands for just over three months and my Dutch partner and I were in the middle of making the house we had just bought habitable. We 'moved in' a week previously, and I use the term moved in loosely. The house was half painted downstairs; we had spent Christmas morning sanding the floor. It was sparsely spotted with a few belongings here and there. It was pretty dismal in the best of circumstances, let alone as the backdrop for the first New Year's Eve celebration in a new country - alone. He had to work a nightshift.

I have written a couple of articles about celebrating New Year in the Netherlands, and none of them are very positive but on Facebook yesterday that very first New Year's Eve flashed back suddenly when a fellow expat shared that she would be spending this evening alone because her Dutch husband is working. Been there. Done that. Wouldn't recommend it. But looking back, it may just have done me some good. Going through the rough times helps you recognise and appreciate when you have it good.

Expat life is not easy for many of us, no matter what others around us may think. Even after fifteen years in the Netherlands life as an expat is still not without niggles and negatives. But I do know it gets easier.  I promise expat life gets easier.

Each New Year celebration that comes my way allows me to see just how far I have come. I'm practically a local at this New Year in the Netherlands things (except for the indiscriminate blowing up of street furniture and the brainless random setting off of decorative fireworks in broad daylight) as I munch on olieballen and prepare a gezellig meal for the family, putting champagne on ice for midnight and waking the children up to gaze at the fireworks that light up the sky.

I couldn't spend New Year's Eve alone these days, even if I wanted to (and believe there are some days I wouldn't mind an evening entirely alone, even New Year's Eve!) as I have three young sons. They are not the only positive things, but without a doubt the best things to come out of the expat life I chose, the one that started with a New Year's Eve alone, an evening that looking back I wouldn't change a second of. It was part of the path that got me to today.

So, wherever you are celebrating, whether you are with loved ones, a room full of strangers, or alone I wish you a wonderful passage into 2016. If you are a newbie expat remember that this evening signifies the start of another year of expat life under your belt - and it gets easier. I promise.

New Year's Bonfires in Scheveningen

As has become custom over the years, two bonfires are currently being built up ready for a New Year's Eve party and a half on the beach at Scheveningen. These bonfires have now been officially listed as part of the Dutch national cultural heritage. They are here to stay.We went to take a peek today......there are so many words to describe what is going on there but I'm not sure any of those I use really capture the craziness that is going on on the beach. There are wooden pallets everywhere waiting to be hoisted up to the top of the crate mountain. There are lorries coming and going, swerving around fork lift trucks. There are men moving around from one spot to the other adorned with matching black tops, some chatting to the police or fire brigade representatives, some necking from beer or Smirnoff bottles and some just milling around. It's one in the eye for health and safety fanatics.........
It's a fascinating sight, in an 'oh my god how does nobody end up killing themselves' sort of way...... 

You can read more about my take on New Year celebrations in the Netherlands over on Amsterdam Mamas and Haarlem Expats.

'Tis the Season of Giving: 40 Ways to Create Winter Memories

'Tis the season of giving. It's a great time to think about what we can give. What have we already given? What have we got left to give? December shouldn't just be about the presents.

And that is exactly the sentiment that BonBon Break is embracing this month, hand in hand with Water Aid America (the UK arm of the charity being one I had close ties to when I ran company payrolls in a previous life so one I'm fond of).

December should be about the memories we create. The moments we spend with our family. The tastes we delight others with (like these Nutella Bonbons - you're welcome!). The smiles and the laughter. The magic we give our children, even if Santa gets the credit for it. The inspiration we give each other. The help we offer to others around us who need it.

I am delighted to be part of December's wonderful theme over on BonBon Break with my take on what we can give our children this winter.

"When I think back to my childhood Christmases, it’s not the gifts I remember (except the red television hidden in the attic), it’s the fact that we were together as a family. It’s the festive traditions that flood my mind – the mince pies for breakfast, the Christmas pudding set alight with brandy, the pantomimes."

Head over to '40 ways to create memories this winter' to read the rest - it's never to late to jump in and start creating those childhood memories!

What are you giving this December?

Sticker Kid Name Labels (With Discount)

I have three boys in three different classes at school. That means there are a lot of belongings flying around outside our home: lunch boxes, beakers, coats, gym clothes, school bags, scarves, hats, and the peskiest of all, gloves. And I have to ask where something is on a weekly basis when my children come bounding out of school at lunchtime or home time.

So my sons have labels and stickers on everything they own. They are actually lucky I haven't covered them in name labels......

The latest stickers I've gotten my paws on are from Stickerkid, a Swiss company that operates worldwide. I ordered a starter pack that contains 94 stickers: 60 name labels for practically all non-clothes items, that can withstand the microwave and dishwasher and freezer, 20 iron on clothes stickers and my favourite, 14 shoe stickers. The latter came in particularly handy with the children having to leave their shoes everywhere for Sinterklaas......

They have name labels for just about anything you could imagine! And all those stickers are a great stocking filler idea for older kids......

If you'd like to get your hands on your own supply of Stickerkid labels head over to their website and

get a 10% discount on your order simply by using the code: 

10discountSGSTICKERKID

*This is a sponsored post. I received the starter pack of stickers free to test and review. I receive no further compensation for any items purchased.*

6 December aka 'Put Your Christmas Tree Up' Day

In the Netherlands as soon as pakjesavond is celebrated and Sinterklaas is on his way back to Spain everything related to the 5th of December is quickly packed away. Then it's time to turn attention to Christmas. That means everyone runs to the local garden centre or Christmas tree vendor on the 6th of December and spends the rest of the day hauling the Christmas stuff from the zolder (attic) and decorating the tree.

Which is exactly how we spent our day yesterday. Well, actually we did a little preparation and bought our tree on Friday whilst the kids were busy in school with Sinterklaas and his helpers. But then we realised we hadn't bought a snow blanket thing to put the Christmas village on so my husband popped to our local Intratuin. He picked up the last snow blanket pack.... and was actually challenged by another shopper as to whether his need was greater than hers...... It's a jungle out there folks.

Many years ago, when I was a naive and untrained expat, I attempted to get our Christmas tree up as soon as December reared its head. I learnt very quickly that that is just NOT DONE in the Netherlands. You should have the courtesy to see Sinterklaas off before you welcome Christmas into your home. I know better these days and go with the flow.

And so it is now in our home too: 6 December aka 'put your Christmas tree up' day.

From My Home to Yours - Een Fijne Pakjesavond!

However you are celebrating this evening, I wish you a fabulous pakjesavond filled with fun, laughter and gezelligheid!

Sint and his Pieten visited us early afternoon, left us some presents - and the boys are spending the afternoon playing. Harmoniously. Peacefully. Happily. Happy kids, happy mama!

Later we'll get the gourmet out and eat together. 

Happy pakjesavond to you all, from my home to yours!